to be a bit miffed at the 'Mother at the school gates'

[Bigmouthstrikesagain]

this weeks Guardian weekend had a 'What I'm really thinking' column written by a mother apperntly disappointed in other mother's lack of attention to their personal appearence. I don't know why it has bothered me so much (maybe it is my hideous hangover after a rare night out but the open disgust she displays in her (anonymous) piece is frankly unsisterly and horrible.

I do not always look glam at pick up - I never wear tracksuits, being of the opinion that they should only be worn if you are doing exercise of some sort. But in the morning particularly I am lucky if I have brushed my hair and not just gathered it in a messy ponytail and I never bother with make up - I save make up for 'going out'. I think pedicures are for people with too much money and time on their hands but as long as feet are relatively clean that is fine.

I see fathers picking up their kids and they are wearing no make up, have messy eyebrows and a distinct lack of stylish clothing but that is ok with our anonymous contributor I am sure. Is it a wife and mothers duty to look nice so they don't show up their children and their husband still wants to sleep with them!? Ick

Sorry I had too get that off my chest - I feel better now (and the Ibuprofen is kicking in as well) Thank you.

Actually I was trying to make the point that just because I look after myself does not mean I am an airhead.

if you think that's boasting, well, frankly i couldn't give a fuck

Fibilou Wed 16-Jun-10 08:20:10

"In my experience people look far better in fitted, tidy clothes and men are no exception. I wish men would go back to wearing 3 piece suits actually. "

Fibilou, there was never a time when men of all classes wore these clothes. And even today, not all men work in the kind of job where you can reasonably wear a fitted suit. Not to mention the fact that not everybody can afford one.

Mumsnet is composed of people from different social backgrounds. My dh, for one, would look a little odd shovelling gravel in a fitted suit. He does not have a beer belly, but he does not have an office job either. Lots of the dads (and some of the mums) round here do not have "fitted suit" jobs. Or should car mechanics and road workers and dustbin men not be allowed to do the school run?

watch yourself fibilou

I happen to think that mentioning your charity makes 8000 a year is boasting, plus all the other non essential shit about your life

like I give a fuck too!

and,despite being so busy that you can't possibly contemplate putting on some makeup you seem to have enough time on your hands to sit on here pontificating all day

Oh well, good luck with looking like a bunch of tramps, I bet your husbands love it

ha ha

I have posted that I DO like to take care of myself, I am (beleive it or not) in your camp on the grooming

fuck off and bake some cup cakes cakes, TWAT

Some of the comments on grooming make-up make me think back to my night clubbing days when the cool thing was to turn up to the coolest venue/night looking as underdone as possible. A beautiful friend of mine used to look like she slept rough and her puffa jacket reeked of cigarette smoke and worse but she was always ushered to the front of the queue. In the meantime there were a whole host of girls with make up, short dresses, high heels and very over straightened hair who didn't look likely to get let in that night. Beauty and 'coolness' seemed to trump grooming in this instance.

A very posh friend of mine had a quiet word with me once on holiday about how I was embarrassing her wearing make-up during the day, didn't I realise it was for, whisper. 'night time' only? (I am the sort that only goes in for VERY subtle make-up, barely there lipstick if any etc too)! I think she'd have subscribed to no day time diamonds etc too and those other old fashioned 'rules' my Granny used to tell me but I have half forgotten.

Apart from the classic a lady should always be 'well shod' - she'd noticed the heels on my boots were in a bit of a grim state. .

Yes, I agree with that about make-up Cortina.
I do wear it sometimes, though, as I said. Posh people don't though do they. Although they do wear a bit of lippy or "rouge" I've noticed, but not often.

For me, "oldfashioned rules according to the older generation" would be no makeup in the day or barely visible makeup (with the undertone of "because anything else makes you look like a slut"). Perhaps I have a very posh upbringing.

Yep, Sakura. I wonder that's why me as a 'getting on a bit' commoner look younger than some of my posher peers? My foundation or tinted mosituriser always had an spf you see! And I'm not really a fan of too much bracing outdoorsy stuff - seems to give you thread veins after a point I've noticed - especially if no spfs etc involved

Is the Queen posh? She wears make-up. And during the day

This thread is maaaaad.

Cory, also the idea that a woman's virtue is somehow tied up with her hair, so to cut it dramatically short or to dye it (shudder) not the done thing. .

Think Camilla had to be coerced into daytime make-up and grooming etc . She's the sort that would naturally have her labrador hairs hanging from the back of her jacket.

I don't wear make-up during the day because frankly dahling it would be like gilding the lily and try to dress down and deliberately wear my gardening crocs to make sure that I don't intimidate the other mothers with my natural loveliness.

The journalist has mistaken my concern for others feelings as slobbiness.

Cortina, my gran was the opposite: to her, long hair was not respectable. Bonkers either way, but there it is.

Me, I do not frown on people with makeup or long hair or whatever. I just think everybody should be allowed to do what they like as long as they are not dirty or smelly.

Though I would make an exception re dirty for a parent who is picking up offspring on their way home from a building site (like dh).

I think 'long hair past a certain age' was definitely frowned upon, too long hair was 'common' particularly on young girls. At around 30 one should morph into being 'pleasantly plain' and drift towards twin sets. Hair would be a bob, or be short in the manner of a young Virginia Wade.

I agree with Acinonyx. Why should I feel the need to paint my face? There is nothing wrong with it. I am not hideously scarred or disfigured. All you women who are judging others for not wearing make up, why do you think they should be wearing it?

I am clean, I shower regularly, my hair is brushed (although apparently looks awful because it is naturally curly - I have only just learnt from this thread that I should be straightening it! Why? I love my curls!) My clothes are clean and I try to be friendly and smiley. Why should it matter that I do not wear make up, I hate nail varnish and I do not conform to a particular fashion in clothing?

Yes, I do have time for make up. I just don't like it. I do not judge you for wearing it - we all have different tastes and likes and dislikes - so why cannot I be treated to the same courtesy?

Cortina, don't forget the awful wonky yellowed teeth

My posh friends think it is the height of bad taste to get your teeth, bleached or straightened! A sure marker that you are terribly common, apparently .

A query for posters who feel it is important for parents at the school gates to make an effort with clothing, make-up etc:

How does this combine with those of us who after drop off (preschool in my case) rush home to do some cleaning, gardening, playing with other kids etc?

I tend to stick to my 'scruffies' on days like these. I dress up for work and if we are going out but don't have the disposable income to have lovely stuff for every day.

Do you guys really do housework, playing etc all dressed up? I am not having a dig at anyone. I am just very curious!!

Some mothers I know actually dress up for the school run, it's a fashion parade. They then go home and get changed into something more comfortable.

Thanks Cortina. That seems really strange to me- it would never cross my mind to do that!!

wheresmypaddle..I don't particularly make an effort for the school run, I just always get up every day, school run or no, put on some makeup and some ok looking clothes etc, then thats it for the rest of the day, just wear the same clothes until bedtime whatever we are doing, and don't reapply makeup unless going out somewhere special.

(I will point out again that I don't judge anyone for not wearing makeup, I just personally wear it, and frankly fibilou's comments about tramps and "I bet your husbands love it" make me cringe)

I have three children at three different schools and in the 13 years I have been doing the school run I have never met anyone who treats the school run as a fashion parade and then goes home and changes afterwards.