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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that best friend is going to call her DD the same name as my DD ?

181 replies

cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:27

I know this has been done again and again,

Ive often seen these posts before and felt for the person, but now it is happening to me I am so at the fact that I cant do anything about it!

Its a name, not a very popular one BTW, but i dont own the name so yes she has every right to use it if she chooses
BUT I just think it is bizaare. I would never name any of my children a name of a friends child - and she is my best friend.

When she told me I said it is strange and would be very strange when we are together and quite confusing for the little ones, but said i had no rights to the name and if thats what she chooses then I will have to live with it.

I know you will all probably say IABU but anyone who has been in a similar situation, please can you give me some advice and experience of how you get your head round it.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 07/06/2010 00:31

It is nothing to do with you...you don't own a name.....I wouldn't worry at all.

fireupthequattro · 07/06/2010 00:32

Had you already told her before that you wanted the name? Is your DD called this now (already born)?

tis a bit freaky, but if she really loved the name for a long time and it's coincidence what can you do?

blinks · 07/06/2010 00:32

i'd be well bemused.

is she generally odd/weird.

Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:34

DD is 18mo

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:36

She said she started to love the name ever since I named DD it, as i said before, it isnt a popular name, quite unheard of TBH.

OP posts:
FloraPost · 07/06/2010 00:36

Depends on the circumstances. A good friend of mine coincidentally gave her son the unusual name which DP and I had chosen for our theoretical DC1 before she and her DH were even married. Now our DC1 is actually on the way after many years ttc, we will still use the name if we have a boy. Friend didn't 'steal' the name as she didn't know, but I won't be stealing it either.

secunda · 07/06/2010 00:37

I'd be a bit miffed

scanty · 07/06/2010 00:38

when I was having my first I was friends with another pregnant girl. We only became friends through pregnancy, so weren't best friends or anything. We would meet for coffee etc and I openly mentioned our choice of names (only had one for a boy). She had her baby boy a few weeks before me and turned out the name was the one DH and I had picked. I was a bit mmmm.... and thought for a second about changing our chosen name, then thought 'fuck it' - that is the name we want and we might hardly see these folk anyway. Did feel a bit strange though she might always have wanted that name herself and didn't want to mention it once I had said we had chosen it.

Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:39

I just dont know how i am going to deal with the situation when we go out together, which is often. How confusing is it going to be when we are both shouting the same name!

OP posts:
MrsSawdust · 07/06/2010 00:40

It will not be in the slightest bit confusing for the little ones. My cousin has the same name as me. In my class at primary school there were four of us with the same name. Strangely, we never forgot who we were and people around us found ways to individualise us when calling our name - such as adding the initial letter of our surnames for example. At family gatherings my cousin and I were known as name1 and name2 (me being the eldest, I was name1).

It never bothered me (or my namesakes) one iota.

I honestly think you should forget your anger and live with the situation. Think of it as confirmation of why the two of you are best friends - you share the same tastes and ideas. Or think of it as a massive compliment on your naming choice.

scurryfunge · 07/06/2010 00:40

I wouldn't give it another thought....it is hardly a situation worth bothering about.

Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:41

But it isnt coincidence, she got the idea after I named DD, she has already said that. Maybe I should take it as a compliment but I just think it will make it awkward for us. DH is more than me.

OP posts:
FloraPost · 07/06/2010 00:42

What did she say when you told her it was a bit strange?

Firawla · 07/06/2010 00:43

I would feel a bit annoyed esp if its not a common name, but really it is a compliment isn't it, that she likes your dd name. It shouldn't really be too awkward them having the same name, as lots of children in society do have the same name. you never know your dds might find it cool to share the name? like a special thing for them to have in common.
yanbu to feel bit annoyed initially but yabu if you don't get over it,or if you act funny with her about it.

Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:44

She said very little really, i think she felt awkward telling me.

OP posts:
blinks · 07/06/2010 00:46

i'm trying to put myself in your position and i find it hard to imagine any of my friends using either of our children's names.

i'd find it hard not to show my difficulty with it as it's just such an ODD decision.

i suppose it depends how close you are- if you're best friends then it would be a shame for it to effect such a close relationship but i can absolutely understand your reaction, especially as it's an unusual name.

Imarriedafrog · 07/06/2010 00:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:46

Thanks guys for your posts anyway, Im off to bed now.

OP posts:
Vallhala · 07/06/2010 00:47

You just get used to it. DD2 shares the same name as my adult cousin. At the time I thought little of it as cousin lived abroad, but now that she has emigrated to the UK, we just affectionately call them Big X and Little X. Neither minds, in fact DD2 is very chuffed to share her adored 2nd cousin's name, and my Aunt, mother of my cousin, is totally cool about it, as it Big X.

Tobermory · 07/06/2010 00:48

I'd be very annoyed especially as it appears that she got the idea for the name from you in the first place!

What did she say when you told her how you felt?

MrsSawdust · 07/06/2010 00:48

Well my cousin's name wasn't a coincidence either - she's 3 years younger than me. Like I said, it certainly never bothered us when we were little (if anything it gave us a closer bond - we felt special having the same name) and as far as I know, my parents didn't mind either. It really wasn't ever a problem.

Imarriedafrog · 07/06/2010 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BananaPudding · 07/06/2010 00:53

YABU. I've never understood why people get so upset when names they've chosen are used this way. I'd be flattered, honestly.

If anyone wants to name their DD Elizabeth Anne, I don't mind

tallulabell74 · 07/06/2010 01:04

Personally, I find this a bit bizarre, only because she is your BF. Obviously she has every right to use the name, but still - is that not a bit weird?

When I was thinkng of names, I would rule out names that sounded too similar to kids I knew in the family and even work colleagues! I didn't want them to think I was naming my children after them.

It's such a personal thing though, and children grow into names so I don't think you should worry too much.

Maybe take it as a compliment to your excellent choice of name!

KurriKurri · 07/06/2010 01:16

I just don't see the problem with this. Its a compliment surely - she loved the name so much she thought it was special enough for her own DD. You obviously have great taste. I had a best friend at school with the same name as me - we coped.
My cousin has the same name as my DB, his mum asked if my mum minded, and she had no problem.
Names are just that - they don't add to or take away from your child's individuality and uniqueness