Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that best friend is going to call her DD the same name as my DD ?

181 replies

cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:27

I know this has been done again and again,

Ive often seen these posts before and felt for the person, but now it is happening to me I am so at the fact that I cant do anything about it!

Its a name, not a very popular one BTW, but i dont own the name so yes she has every right to use it if she chooses
BUT I just think it is bizaare. I would never name any of my children a name of a friends child - and she is my best friend.

When she told me I said it is strange and would be very strange when we are together and quite confusing for the little ones, but said i had no rights to the name and if thats what she chooses then I will have to live with it.

I know you will all probably say IABU but anyone who has been in a similar situation, please can you give me some advice and experience of how you get your head round it.

OP posts:
scanty · 07/06/2010 01:27

On rereading, it is a bit strange if the name is very unusual and she is deliberately choosing it because of your daughter. I think I'd honestly be too embarressed to do that.

FearlessLeader · 07/06/2010 02:20

YABU and precious. who cares? I find this "but i had it first" mentality very childish.

Back in the day every girl was called Mary and every boy was called John. I'm sure none of them were traumatised and I'm sure none of their parents pouted about it.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 06:56

YABU in that no one has a monopoly on a name. Is this name so unusal that no one has ever used it, are you the originator of the name? If not maybe her love of the name has been reinforced from hearing it (occasionally) elsewhere even if she originally thought of it because of your DD.

We thought we had chosen a rare name but actually I have heard it a couple of times at the park and my friend knows of one boy. Ok these people I do not know but it is obviously in fashion at the moment, my child is still unique even if his name is not. If we have another DS my partner wants to use a Jewish name as my DP wants his own heritage recognised. If my best friend used this name I would be surprised as neither her or her partner are Jewish but a names a name she is still entitled to use it, it is nothing to do with me.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 06:57

YABU in that no one has a monopoly on a name. Is this name so unusal that no one has ever used it, are you the originator of the name? If not maybe her love of the name has been reinforced from hearing it (occasionally) elsewhere even if she originally thought of it because of your DD.

We thought we had chosen a rare name but actually I have heard it a couple of times at the park and my friend knows of one boy. Ok these people I do not know but it is obviously in fashion at the moment, my child is still unique even if his name is not. If we have another DS my partner wants to use a Jewish name as my DP wants his own heritage recognised. If my best friend used this name I would be surprised as neither her or her partner are Jewish but a names a name she is still entitled to use it, it is nothing to do with me.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 06:59

Sorry about posting twice.

MintHumbug · 07/06/2010 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrillianAstra · 07/06/2010 08:42

The girls will probably love it. Big Rachel and little Rachel. They'll be bestest friends.

Now tell us the name, because we are all a bit bored of people claiming they called their child an 'uncommon' name and not saying what it is.

PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2010 08:44

Now you see I definitely need to know the name before I can comment on this.

PuppyMonkey · 07/06/2010 08:45

Ooh cross posted with you Trillian...

TrillianAstra · 07/06/2010 08:47

See, you proved me right there PuppyMonkey!

bearcrumble · 07/06/2010 08:48

It is weird.

nigglewiggle · 07/06/2010 08:54

I must admit it would think it was a bit odd. It's true that children cope perfectly well with having other children with the same name, but to deliberately create this confusion and risk upsetting a friend seems very peculiar to me.

Plopsie · 07/06/2010 08:59

I'd take it as a compliment. In my immediate circle of mummy friends there are several instances of children named because Mum first heard the name from another of us and liked it and I don't think any of us mind really - we're just all too grateful to have the children!

DaisymooSteiner · 07/06/2010 09:00

It is weird, although I'm sure you would get used to it in time. However, I wouldn't be at all surprised if she changes her mind when the time comes, particularly given that you've indicated that you're not really happy.

BessieBoots · 07/06/2010 09:03

DS1 has a very unusual name. When he was about a year old, a close friend of mine phoned me about half an hour after giving birth, saying "We really want to use your DSs name, we'd never heard it before and he is so lovely." I thought it was a really nice thing for them to have done tbh.

BTW it's not at all confusing- The kids think it's hilarious that someone shares their name...

barbigirl · 07/06/2010 09:06

FWIW- I think it's a really really odd thing to do, given that you are best friends. I would just go mad! I'm totally surprised by how cool every one else is about it. Obviously I need to be more tolerant!

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 09:13

Well, you know what, I rarely think that anybody is unreasonable having an honest reaction to something. You name your child something unique, spend time over it, they become that name. Somebody you spend a lot of time with wanting to use the same name has potential to make you feel a bit narked.

You're not unreasonable to feel a certain way. Had you asked AIBU to slash my friend's tyres because of this or AIBU to throw eggs at her bump then yes you're mad but feeling a bit peeved is allowed.

Continue to call your child Name and then call the new child FakeName. That'll learn 'er.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 09:18

Actually I think it is more peculiar to get cross about it. I was at a gym club recently and a child had the same name as my DS, although I didn't know the mother she was clearly a bit annoyed that there was another boy with this name, she obviously thought it made her a bit exclusive. I thought that was very 'weird'. I got the impression from her attitude she would have not been able to contain her anger if a friend had copied. To me this is very odd!

DetectivePotato · 07/06/2010 09:22

YANBU. This would annoy me. We purposely haven't chosen one of my favourite boys names as we know so many. DH is adamant that the name can't be in the family.

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 09:27

Ah yes Goldenbear but as you can see other people on here would feel the same way. So it's an honest reaction due to personality/temperament/background/whatever. It's not abnormal or out of kilter with what other people might feel. She's not doing anything about it or behaving unreasonably. When you say YABU in situations like this you're saying 'well that's not what I would do, you should be more like me, I am better than you' (not you in particular, generic 'you').

I really don't like AIBU at all because of this. It makes a mockery of feelings that people sometimes can't help.

And maybe the woman in the gym was a bit cross. Maybe her dh had insisted on the name and she never really wanted it and felt that she'd meet several a day. And you're the third she'd met that day and she wished she'd been able to pick her favourite name. Maybe she was shy or socially awkward or ill or having a bad day or distracted or anything. 'I got the impression' is no proof of anything.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 09:28

Most names are not unique though are they Showofhands? I don't know anybody with a unique name they have all been used in the history of time!

I think people choose what they think will be rare name because it stands out and therefore there child will but it takes a lot more than a name to do that!

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 09:34

Well yes, a child not being the sum total of its name is true, but not the point here. No a name is not unique either. My point was that you don't actually know why the woman you are referring to reacted in whatever way she reacted. She might have just been having a bad day, or any of the other things I suggest. You don't know here. And it's not nearly the same as a best friend choosing the same name. The OP didn't say 'nobody must use this name, it's mine', she felt a bit cross that her best friend is using the same name. Maybe you wouldn't care but the op does. Doesn't make her peculiar or weird. Just different to you.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 09:50

No showofhands, she stated it was a rare name and that it was her husband's brother's name and she had never met anyone else with that name. She asked me several different times throughout the class why I had chosen this name with an angry tone of voice. It was peculiar to me as know one has interagated me over a name before.

Also, it doesn't matter to me that other people feel the same as the OP, I still think it is an over reaction odd to pissed off with your 'best friend' over it.

Your advice to the op to call her a child a 'fake name' is cmean and childish.

Chandon · 07/06/2010 09:51

immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, isn´t it?

Still, it would annoy me too, but nothing you can do.

runnybottom · 07/06/2010 09:55

I'd be more concerned that I had friends with such little imagination.
BTW I've never met anyone with my name, or know anyone who has ever met anyone with my name, so while its not 100% unique, its not far off. No idea if this is a good or bad thing though!