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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that best friend is going to call her DD the same name as my DD ?

181 replies

cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:27

I know this has been done again and again,

Ive often seen these posts before and felt for the person, but now it is happening to me I am so at the fact that I cant do anything about it!

Its a name, not a very popular one BTW, but i dont own the name so yes she has every right to use it if she chooses
BUT I just think it is bizaare. I would never name any of my children a name of a friends child - and she is my best friend.

When she told me I said it is strange and would be very strange when we are together and quite confusing for the little ones, but said i had no rights to the name and if thats what she chooses then I will have to live with it.

I know you will all probably say IABU but anyone who has been in a similar situation, please can you give me some advice and experience of how you get your head round it.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:33

this is too frustrating. Now I need to know cheekster's dd's name and I need to know the name of the bl* tank!

I will start by getting a coffee unless I unwind

Phew naming your dc the same as a baby who just died in your family. I don'tk now, I suppose they might have meant well with it because they were so upset when the baby died. Really don't know about that one.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/06/2010 11:36

I would be annoyed. Irrational or not, I would be annoyed.

It's a slightly strange thing for a close friend to do. There are so many lovely girls names. A name is more than a name, it's an identity - which is why we agonise so much about our choices. If a close friend of mine did this to me I would not feel flattered, I'd feel a bit intruded-upon.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 07/06/2010 11:37

Imagine all the pissed off Patricks in Ireland. Seriously, half my relatives are either Patrick or Mary! Unless it's made up and so so unusual I would just shrug it off. Also, if a friend called a baby a name I really wanted I would still use it - even if it was my sisters child.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 07/06/2010 11:39

... if, however, she used it as a second name, that would be flattering

Disenchanted3 · 07/06/2010 11:40

I chose a name for DD that was unique to her in our family/friends circle.

If I liked a name but it was already used by a family member I immidatly crossed it off the list.

So I would be peeved if one of them then used the name I'd chosen.

MrsRandomRanter · 07/06/2010 11:41

My friends mum decided to call her baby the same name as one of the neighbours dogs! So my friend has a lovely, but slightly unusual name. She is quite proud to be named after a dog!

I named my cat after a boat, that was named after the boat owners mum. (I tried to explain that one in French, once I had enjoyed a little too much champagne, with very little success)

noyoucant · 07/06/2010 11:42

When we were expecting our younger daughter I wanted to call her Meabh if she was a girl (we didn't know the sex until she was born). But my wife, while she liked the name, steadfastedly refused to even countenance the suggestion, because one of her best friends, who was also pregnant at the same time, had "always wanted to call her first daughter Meabh". Have to admit I couldn't really understand the concept of "booking a name" but all their female friends seemed to think it was perfectly reasonable.

Fate being fate my younger daughter was born the day before my wife's friend's child, who did indeed turn out to be their first daughter. We picked a different name for our child...and then my wife's friend didn't name her daughter Meabh after all!

That said I prefer the name we did choose in the end.

5DollarShake · 07/06/2010 11:42

Goldenbear - you keep reiterating how you feel about it. What's the relevance of that? You're not the OP. Just because you feel one way about something, doesn't mean it's the only and right way...?

The OP acknowledged that she doesn't own the name, but that she feels miffed about it. It's her gut reaction, which she can't help.

If her friend goes ahead and uses the name (and if the whole thing is genuine anyway ), then she will just have to get over it. But she is not wrong or unreasonable to be annoyed by it.

I would be annoyed, too - although I'm sure I'd eventually get over it. It might be irrational, over-the-top and just plain wrong to feel like this in other people's eyes, but we're not robots who can just switch our feelings on and off.

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:43

hard to estimate just the right amount of champagne for French. I never get it right

LordVolAuVent · 07/06/2010 11:49

How do you say Meabh?

I would be pissed off OP, unless she had good reason like it's a family name, had also always wanted it etc etc. Clearly this is not the case and it's just a bit weird and embarrassing for her. Perhaps she would like to have plastic surgery to look like you and start shagging your DH too?

MagalyZz · 07/06/2010 12:00

Goldenbear, the effect an unusual name may or not have on a child is a different thread (an interesting one, but not this one).

It seems to me that you are taking an instant dislike to anybody who gives their child an unusual name on the grounds that they think they're better or their child will be better.

That's not the issue being discussed here. I disagree that it's 'really petty' as well. The realisation that your best friend is prepared to ignore millions of names and choose the same one you chose for your child regardless of how potentially awkward, embarrassing or upsetting that might be is not really petty. It could be a bit of an eye-opener.

I wouldn't even deliberately buy the same handbag or perfume as one of my closest friends.

runnybottom · 07/06/2010 12:01

Maeve

UnrequitedSkink · 07/06/2010 12:43

ShowofHands, is your DD called Sherman?

anonymousbird · 07/06/2010 12:54

My best friend called her DD the same as mine, born a few months later. She was quite embarrassed to mention it before the birth (knew she was having a girl) and she kind of "asked" if you see what I mean, and we were totally relaxed about it, and made that clear.

No way on this earth would I even have thought that she should not choose the same name. Of course she could use it!!!!!!

They also had a personal reason for choosing that name (as did we) as it happens, so it was just absolutely the right thing for her to do.

Get a grip. YAB unbelievably U.

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 12:56

Yes Sherman Shooty Bang Bang.

Her name is v ordinary, just happens to be the name of a tank.

bronze · 07/06/2010 13:03

I think her name begins with M

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 13:15

That it does.

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 13:16

The name means 'mighty in battle', hence the tank being named as such.

piratecat · 07/06/2010 13:22

i just cannot imagine my best friend doing this to me, or me to her!

most bizarre.

Joonbug · 07/06/2010 13:34

Your BEST friend? I'd be absolutely fuming. Yes you don't 'own' the name, but it's pretty inappropriate.

I think of it like an unwritten rule- like not going out with your best friends ex.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/06/2010 13:35

Aha! Your daughter is called M4 Sherman, clearly.

I'd find it odd too. But flattering (and my daughter is Edith, I've never met another Edith so it falls into the category we're discussing).

If a friend of mine called hers Edith and I'd not thought of it first but thought 'ooh, now I've heard it, it's the best name that there is for a girl' I think I would be tempted. i'd rationalise like:
a - not going to be in the same class at school even if go to the same school
b - ditto playgroups etc
c - once they grow up they probably won't know each other anymore, so why should mine miss out on The Best Name Ever?

Really it's only an issue for when you and she get together with the kids, and that's a short time in their lives.

So don't sweat it, basically.

Francagoestohollywood · 07/06/2010 13:40

It wouldn't bother me at all, I think.

But then I'm not too fussed about names and their importance/uniqueness etc, so I might be missing the point

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 13:44

Ooh Edith. If I had another dd, she'd have Edith as a middle name. Edith was my great grandmother. She was an inspirational and wonderful woman. Truly the greatest woman I've ever known. Great name.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/06/2010 13:52

Mind you, coming from someone who names their daughter Sherman...

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 13:56

Sherman's brilliant you meanie you. Shermy for short.