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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that best friend is going to call her DD the same name as my DD ?

181 replies

cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:27

I know this has been done again and again,

Ive often seen these posts before and felt for the person, but now it is happening to me I am so at the fact that I cant do anything about it!

Its a name, not a very popular one BTW, but i dont own the name so yes she has every right to use it if she chooses
BUT I just think it is bizaare. I would never name any of my children a name of a friends child - and she is my best friend.

When she told me I said it is strange and would be very strange when we are together and quite confusing for the little ones, but said i had no rights to the name and if thats what she chooses then I will have to live with it.

I know you will all probably say IABU but anyone who has been in a similar situation, please can you give me some advice and experience of how you get your head round it.

OP posts:
Francagoestohollywood · 07/06/2010 13:56

Sherman Edith is actually a good name

Thinking about it, I have the same name as my mother's best friend dd... I wonder if they had an argument about it? But it was a very popular name in the 1970s in Italy...

HelenFF · 07/06/2010 13:59

I don't get it - it's not as if the OP has gone off at one at the friend! She's simply trying to get her head around it and is asking for advice, from what I can tell.

Now obviously no one owns a name and I don't know if it would bother me if someone close named their child the same as what we've got planned for our first born. However, I probably would, at the very least, think it a bit strange for a best friend to come up with the same name, out of all the ones out there, without there being a particular reason for it. It's not as if she liked it before the OP's daughter was born. I might not do anything or say anything, but I'd probably think it a bit odd at first!

electra · 07/06/2010 14:01

I think if it were me I would be quite flattered - certainly not annoyed.

clemettethecoalitionbreaker · 07/06/2010 14:05

I would be annoyed, but also suspect that the best friend won't choose the name once the baby is born and is faced with a barrage of "oh, that's OP's DD's name isn't it...?" from family and other friends.

fruitstick · 07/06/2010 14:09

I would be fuming too. When I was pregnant at the same time as one of my best friends I told her (half joking) that if I had a girl I was going to name her after my grandmother and on no accounts was she allowed to use it first (it was a boy).

By the same token, DS2 has the same name as my (childless) friend's grandfather and I asked in advance if they would mind me using it.

Has she had the baby yet? I'm not sure how you get around it but maybe she will think completely differently. If she hasn't (sorry, haven't read entire thread) then I would spend as much time as possible with her and use your DDs name ALL THE TIME so by the time her baby is born she will associate it too much with your DD.

Everyone wants their baby to be unique, I don't know why you would want to choose the same name as your friend.

BikiniBottom · 07/06/2010 14:19

I think its weird. There are a million names out there and unless there are personal reasons for the choice such as naming after a loved one, then its odd to choose the same name as a best friend. I would be pissed off as would my close friends if I did that to them. Like it or not names are important to some people. So I think yanbu but unfortunately not a lot you can do about it.

nickelbabe · 07/06/2010 14:21

SOH - i think your daughter's name is very pretty. elegant and timeless.
and a genius child too

(and no, i don't mean Sherman, i mean her proper name)

nickelbabe · 07/06/2010 14:26

my two penn'orth is that it really doesn't matter if your friend wants the same name - they are different enough in ages for them not to be in the same class at school.

my big sister called her first born with a derivative of the name i want for a DD, but i want mine as a middle name and i'm not even expecting... so it's fine (although pissed off in a tiny weeny way )
she's been told should she have another child, exactly what my name choices are, but then she told me she has always loved my 2nd boy choice. DF's dad's middle name was that one, but after she'd told me what her alternative was (too awful to tell) i said she could have my name!

(disclaimer, if she did choose one of "my" names, i wouldn't be annoyed, but she'd also better not be annoyed if we end up with kids of the same name)

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 14:28

nickelbabe, you are very wise.

UnrequitedSkink · 07/06/2010 14:39

Sherman Shooty Bang Bang is bloody inspired though - DC2's birth is imminent, I'm afraid I may have to 'borrow' it.

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 14:42

How very dare you. My daughter is her name. And she doesn't even have to change it if she wants to table dance. I've thought this through. You, you've just logged on and nicked it, you nicker.

I really want somebody to call their child Sherman Shooty Bang Bang now. I think it's a name everybody can love.

pastapestofor6 · 07/06/2010 15:23

the op does not have a daughter she is pg due in dec she has 1 son, I saw this on the double pram thread.........

minipie · 07/06/2010 15:28

So sounds like this is an AIBU by stealth and the OP is intending to use her best friend's daoughter's name?

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 15:31

Who knows. The OP's personal situation was pointed out aaaaages ago. Thread's moved on. We're deciding the best name ever now. Tis Sherman btw.

fruitstick · 07/06/2010 15:36

Yes she has only just found out she is pregnant, was asking about first midwife appointments. She is also apparently planning her son's 2nd birthday so an 18month old daughter would be a struggle.

Given her deception, can we bar her unless she agrees to name the baby Sherman?

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 15:38

I think that's not strict enough. If she changes her existing child's name to Sherman, her own name also and promises to call any other children Sherman then she'll be forgiven.

pastapestofor6 · 07/06/2010 15:39

haha yes good idea, sherman shiney (in honour of mn)
Its a bit odd though as she surely cant even know what sex the baby is yet?

minipie · 07/06/2010 15:45

How about "The Sherminator" as a nn.

(Anyone else seen American Pie...?)

nickelbabe · 07/06/2010 17:44

minipie

Original poster
cheekster · 07/06/2010 21:25

Oooh, lots of activity today!

And wow, do we have some detectives on here!

You are quite right I dont have a DD, but a DS. I changed DS - DD as I know my BF is also a mnetter.

So sorry because of that, I cant disclose his name

I am out babysitting for a friend for the rest of the night so wont be replying until tomorrow night.

OP posts:
Rockbird · 07/06/2010 21:30

It's not weird at all. Go over to the name threads and see all the people asking if they can use the same name as X. You might be best friends now but you might be at opposite ends of the country tomorrow. Your dds will grow up and probably never see each other again. Why should she give up a name she loves? Family is different as you're mostly stuck with them.

chipmonkey · 07/06/2010 22:21

now, see everyone, all you've done is out cheekster to her friend. Best lie low for a while cheekster!

pastapestofor6 · 07/06/2010 22:25

but you have repeatedly said that you have a ds called Noah on here? I'm lost op ?

blinks · 07/06/2010 22:31

does it really matter pastapestofor6? she probably should have name changed but hey ho.

grumpytubwumper · 07/06/2010 23:45

maybe the kids will grow up to hate each other then it wont matter that they have the same name.

I wasnt allowed an unusual name for my daughter. Apparently calling a child pikachu pigeotto is inappropriate.