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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that best friend is going to call her DD the same name as my DD ?

181 replies

cheekster · 07/06/2010 00:27

I know this has been done again and again,

Ive often seen these posts before and felt for the person, but now it is happening to me I am so at the fact that I cant do anything about it!

Its a name, not a very popular one BTW, but i dont own the name so yes she has every right to use it if she chooses
BUT I just think it is bizaare. I would never name any of my children a name of a friends child - and she is my best friend.

When she told me I said it is strange and would be very strange when we are together and quite confusing for the little ones, but said i had no rights to the name and if thats what she chooses then I will have to live with it.

I know you will all probably say IABU but anyone who has been in a similar situation, please can you give me some advice and experience of how you get your head round it.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 10:53

GoldenBear I pointed out that I didn't mean 'you' in my post, I meant a generic 'you'. I was quite careful to point this out as I was making a general comment not a personal one. And I mentioned the woman at your gym because I was saying that you don't actually know the situation there so it's not relevant or comparative and even if you were sure she was narked, it's not relevant to the op. I wasn't saying I knew any better, quite the opposite my point is that I don't know and therefore don't presume.

My point was about AIBU in general that when somebody is merely feeling a certain way (not behaving a certain way or doing silly, crazy, unreasonable things) and other people would feel or have felt the same way, it's unfair to say their feelings are unreasonable. They are what they are. An honest reaction. How you deal with them and how you behave is where reasonableness is important.

And I mentioned my name being rare in response to runnybottom who said "BTW I've never met anyone with my name, or know anyone who has ever met anyone with my name, so while its not 100% unique, its not far off. No idea if this is a good or bad thing though!". I wouldn't be remotely bothered if I did meet somebody with the same name. In fact I'd be really, really pleased. I was delirious when I found out cocolepew shared my name. It was lovely. I was merely remarking that I shared an experience with runnybottom.

biddysmama · 07/06/2010 10:55

yanbu... my uncle on my dads side called his son the same name as my ds and they have the same surname as well and my cousing my mym mums side called her sone the same name.... so both sets of grandparents has 2 grandchildren with the same name... i'm pretty annoyed about it, especially since its not a massivly common name!

but worse was when my aunty called her dog his name cos she liked it so much!

biddysmama · 07/06/2010 10:55

yanbu... my uncle on my dads side called his son the same name as my ds and they have the same surname as well and my cousing my mym mums side called her sone the same name.... so both sets of grandparents has 2 grandchildren with the same name... i'm pretty annoyed about it, especially since its not a massivly common name!

but worse was when my aunty called her dog his name cos she liked it so much!

Morloth · 07/06/2010 10:58

We have a name that gets used multiple times in our family. So we have big Dave, Little Dave, Grandpa Dave etc (the name isn't Dave BTW, just an example), it isn't a problem.

Chill out.

BessieBoots · 07/06/2010 10:59

Helyg, Rhys is lovely. We have 2 DS, and I would defo out myself if I put them on here! The first is a Welsh name that English people can cope with, the second has a lovely name but will be spelling it all the time if he ever crosses the border.

bilbobobbins · 07/06/2010 10:59

My parents did this - I was born 3 mo after their friends' dd. We grew up together, lived v close to each other, we liked having the same name. Once even managed (when much older) to persuade a slightly drunk friend of ours that we were actually sisters...
Don't think my friend's parents were offended, bilbo is obv such a cool name

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 10:59

giving the name to a dog!

oh dear

HerBeatitude · 07/06/2010 11:01

My friend called her dog the name I would probably otherwise have called my DS.

I haven't fallen out with her over it. And if I'd felt strongly, I still would have called my DS it, perhaps she would have been offended and fallen out with me.

TheBoyWithaSORNedMX5 · 07/06/2010 11:02

Morloth - the name ds and his cousin share is also a family name. It really isn't an issue.

Morloth · 07/06/2010 11:03

I named DS1 after our pony, does that count? Of course the pony's name was Bill (and he was named after the one in lord of the rings), so it wasn't a huge stretch to William.

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:06

that's too much naming after something else, sorry

Morloth · 07/06/2010 11:08

But he is a good pony, very efficient he is often mowing the grass whilst providing fertiliser at the same time.

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:09

is that a talent you were hoping to encourage in ds?

Since he is so good, you can get away with it this time

pastapestofor6 · 07/06/2010 11:13

cheekster if you are worried about upsetting your friend by using her baby name you need to speak to her, seeing as you only found out you were pg in may you don't even no if you are having a boy or girl yet, you need to stop stressing

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 11:13

I'm not saying it's comparable I'm giving an example of how people like the OP get worked up about a seemingly petty issue which ultimately they have no control over.

A rare name for me is not that interesting. I don't think to myself , 'Wow they've really thought about what they named their child, it is so unusual, so imaginative and we only called our son Simon (example) what is going to become of him, he won't go on to be anything special, not like Zelda!'

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:17

say you had twins called Nico and Zelda and your BF had twins and called them Nico and Zelda too.

That would be odd, wouldn't it? Not the names but naming both the same as your dc.

Or not?

Morloth · 07/06/2010 11:17

Well DS likes to wee in the garden...

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 11:23

My dd is named after a tank. The tank's inventor is very cross I'll have you know.

tootyflooty · 07/06/2010 11:23

my dc both have the same names as two older cousins, and in my antenatal group 3 of us named our ds the same name, and we are all still in touch nearly 20 years later,and there has never been any confusion on our numerous get togethers. it may seem a little more odd as you say your dd has an unusal name. try to see it as a huge compliment, at least you used it first so can't be accused of doing the copying, and due to the age gap they won't be in the same class at school.

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:25

what kind of a tank?

fish tank? army tank?

BigFatSepticToe · 07/06/2010 11:28

OP - YANBU to not like it but there is nothing you can do about it

like we could not do anything when an aunt (we dont see very frequently) named her DOG the same name as DD, LOL!

or my poor poor friend, whose first baby died, and whose own cousin called her first child the same name when it was born a few months later. now THAT is totally wrong IMO. selfish and unfeeling. my friend has to live with that pain and unease forever.

your friend sounds a bit stalkerish - why cant she have that name as a middle name, then you would be flattered she like it. i suspect what she is really thinking is how lovely your DD is and how she hopes for a Dd just like her. It would be entirtely different though if it were a very popular/common name, or if when your DD was born she had then said,oh we have always said we would call a daughter that name too

WHAT IS THE NAME??

ZZZenAgain · 07/06/2010 11:29

I have to coach 3 boys in a team atm who all have the same name. So how do you handle this? I shout out: "Henry, that's your ball". no , not you, the other, no not you either, the other Henry."

I have to use the full name, say "Henry Brown, you're up", "Henry Jones, move futher back" etc. Seems daft with little kids that age.

Nothing wrong with having a bit of variety.

ShowOfHands · 07/06/2010 11:30

Army tank. British infantry, WWII.

She's actually named after a book but her name is also a tank. She is nicknamed The Tank.

Goldenbear · 07/06/2010 11:30

Or is it flatterring? I would not be 'pissed off' with a best friend over this, what a waste of energy to be angry over a name.

lilmamma · 07/06/2010 11:33

took me back to when me and my best friend were pregnant,i liked the name claire for a girl,and she had something completely different ,cant remember now long time ago,anyway i had a boy so couldnt use that name,and 3 months later she had a girl and called her claire,i remember thinking it was odd,as that had been my choice..

as you say you cant own names but i would be annoyed as you picked that specially for your own child,i suppose its a compliment in a way however annoying,she must have no imagaination..

and by the way i had a daughter years later and hated the name claire by then,so glad i didnt pick it haha....