to expect good wanking etiquette?

[bashon]

eg thou shan't leave thine wanky tissues anywhere else but in thine bin.

I've told dh about this thread - and now there is a natty turquoise mobile phone sock on his bedside table.

Should I worry?

And should I be interrogating ds1, or checking under his bed for crusty socks? I haven't actually had any breakfast yet, but I'm not sure my digestion is up to that particular task!!

just thank you're lucky stars no armbands, mayonnaise or liver.

So true, blinks, so true!!

Reshapewhiledamp what an appropriate name you have [boak]

StayingDavidTennantsGirl , I recommend that you do not look under you DS bed. What do you hope to gain by finding his stash of porn and box of tissues?

There is a slim chance you might find a sensible man to have an unembarressed chat with him about using tissues and flushing them down the loo. He needs to be told they smell. Give him a small waste bin with a lid and a roll of bin liners, for his room, ask him to use it for any rubbish and ask him to take it to the bins himself. No need to say why. Pretend you don't know. You can mention crisp packets if you like.

Tell me about it. DS of 17 and another of 15. I'm sick of fishing boxer shorts out from under the bed that are so liberally coated in dried semen they've turned into sort of abstract papier mache works of art.

Oh my god. Not just liver, but a whole picnic of opportunities.

I wondered why my Ocado bill is so bleeding expensive...

I have had a chat with ds1 and ds2. Ds2 was apparently taking his tissues to the outside bin about once a month. [boak] Neither were using socks/boxers/mittens, and both have been introduced to the concept of putting the tissues straight down the loo.

my dh once left a "used" tissue on the bedroom floor. He came back in later in the day to find our next-door-neighbour's cat chewing it.

Poor cat

Oh Fibilou, boak! Have only got half-way through, will have to come back when the DC are in bed - DD1 keeps asking 'why are you crying mummy' and trying to read what's on the screen.

Can just picture her speaking to her teacher tomorrow - Mrs H, what does w-a-n-k spell?

This is where I am loving that DS is at boarding school and I don't have to sort out his wanky socks.

I am, however, cringing at thinking about DH's little pile of socks beside the bed.

this thread has to get out into classics.

i demand it be done.

OMG. Just laughing soo hard at this.....think it might bring on labour!

The liver obsession seems to stem from a not-very-interesting smut classic called Portnoy's Complaint where the protagonist wanks into a handful of raw liver and the chapter closes with something along the lines of 'I fucked my own family's dinner'.
I have also heard of using a hollowed out baguette filled with mayo, and a small melon warmed up in the microwave....

(But I must confess that a wank mitten is new on me - though I must think of a way of using the phrase somewhere...)

"catinboots didn't the salt really sting?"

Maybe he preferred it cheesy?

@LeQueen

um.. I'll just say : fingerless gloves
(I have a friend who swear by them)

OMG this so needs to be in Classics - am roaring with laughter

i'm sensing a new potential Wii accessory- The Wank Mitt... plugs in and keeps count of how many cracks of the wrist.

you could have a wank mitt instruction to achieve maximum pleasure and minimal labour/post pleasure cleaning.

This is a wank-fucking-tastic thread . I really want to change my username to Knitted Wank Mitten.

a rival patent! the cheek... the wank fight is ON.

ps the Love Glove is the best

Absolutely epic thread.

"Wank up everyone, we'll knit more....."

I applaud the first one of us to bring the Wank-Mitt to the Dragons Den.