to expect good wanking etiquette?

[bashon]

eg thou shan't leave thine wanky tissues anywhere else but in thine bin.

No room on either side of the bed for a bin, or underneath.

I must share this "my husband is a muppet" story from this morning - a parcel came and DH brought it upstairs for me, it was a pack of soft menstrual cups, (I can finally use them after having my coil out) DH was very confused, he asked why I needed them when he had been snipped - silly bugger thought they were like a diaphraghm!
He looked totally blank when I said they were called "instead" menstrual cups.
I laughed, a lot.

DH happily admits to having wanked into his laundry bag at boarding school, which was then collected by the matron at the end of each week. Can you imagine?

Eww surely wanking into wool can't be comfy?

It would be all sort of squeaky wouldn't it?

You'd probably have to go with a wool/nylon mix, but then if you wanked too quickly it could burst into flames!

My brother in law admits to coming home at 17 yrs old to find his wank sock was freshly washed and ironed by their cleaner and atop a fresh laundry pile on his bed.

So is owning a sock specifically for the purpose of wanking, a common occurrence in men?

Also, Bertie, I did a bit of sick when I read that.

Apparently a pint glass filled with raw liver and warmed gently in the microwave is rather realistic.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

and....

HOW do you know that?

Mooncup much cheaper and better for the environment, Mal .

Al, that's one of the grossest things I've read on MN.

Good grief OP, and as for the wank sock........bleurghhhh!
Do you think she washed it by hand??? Surely not in the everyday wash...urghhh?
And how come only once a week?? Now that is surely unusual for a teenage boy...

Ladies, ladies!! Thank you so much. I was feeling a bit down tonight, but I'm laughing my head off at this thread!

I was once told, by a friend whose husband was in the army, that two slices of liver between the sections of one of those old-fashioned edwardian radiators used to be popular with soldiers. Or a can of frankfurters, warmed a bit, with the middle one taken out.

Only on mumsnet could I ever have discussed this!

My mind boggles at how stiff and scratchy an ironed, knitted wank mitten must have been. [shudder]

As for wank tissues lying around, I'm so glad I've beaten educated that out of DP now. When I met him, his room was just...urgh. Now he complains about the mess I make. (Which is nothing like as disgusting, I'll point out. We're talking empty tablet packets for my epilepsy drugs, and the odd pair of socks.)

Also, I'm now dreading my precious little 2y/o DS growing up into a teenager. I keep denying all these possibilities to myself, but there's no point, is there.

sharp edges on opened can [wince]

Gah!! At the frankfurters!!

What about lack of grip in frankfurters? Isn't that kinda important?

And whywhywhy hasn't this been Classic-fied yet?

Anybody seen the film "Life on Earth"? Roberto Benigni (from Life is Beautiful)is a taxi driver confessing to his passenger clergyman his sexual development. Starting with pumpkins.

How does someone 'start' woth pumpkins? Surely you'd work your way up from less obscure techniques? [mind boggles]

I am so glad all I have to do is refuse to let my brain make any more links when my DP takes the laptop with him when he goes to the loo. I don't think I could handle cleaning up a spent pumpkin.

Hmm, the wank sock. Is this why I have an ever increasing pile of odd socks? (Not mine obviously, but one of the ds's)

And a friend of mine who was in the navy once told me that skates (as in the flat fishy things) had a certain orifice that came in handy for a frustrated sailor to satisfy his needs.

Not forgetting the famous American Pie... The lad is caught humping a warm apple pie. I've never looked at those in the same way again either.

BUt again, my mind just wanders back to DDs' little knitted winter mittens. How can I put her in those this winter, with this knowledge?

Have come back to this thread and am agog that DH's manly secretions could have instigated such talk of liver and orifices.

All this talk of desperate sailors reminds me of a story someone told me about how his flatmate used to paint his nails red then lie on his arm to make it go numb and wank himself off. he'd pretend the phantom hand was attached to a hot wooman for added plezuuure.

sad.

Ex-public school type mate once spoke highly of a baguette full of warm raw liver.

No idea where all this liver's actually coming from. You'd think the school kitchen would've noticed it going AWOL.

What on earth is with liver?!

Was suprised to find this thread, but then shocked to find it wasn't a teen but a husband! (From a male perspective, would have found it terribly embarrassing as a son if said tissues were found by one's Mum)

Half expected it to be about a DD leaving some 'do not disturb' sign on her door to stop anyone wandering in when she wanted privacy.

However, back to the subject - tissues should be flushed and never binned - that's just so damn lazy...

As for a 'wank sock' - never heard of such complete grossness before.

"Al, that's one of the grossest things I've read on MN."

Not the claim to fame I had hoped for but it'll do