To only want a 3rd child if its a dd and to want to go abroad to do gender selection IVF to guarantee this

[highchair]

controversial I know, but I'm ready to hear all thoughts on this subject...

I worry that growing old without the chance of ever raising a dd make me a bitter old MIL? will I always live with regret to not try at least uhm 3 times?!

Mothers of teenage/grown boys only, your experience much appreciated.

Thanks

yes yabu. End of.

YABU

You have to do what will make you happy depending on your lifestyle, religious beliefs and your conscience.

You also need to think about things in perspective. You are very blessed to have two teenage boys who will one day maybe provide you with DILs and grandchildren.

I am friends with a couple who have tried IVF for 15 years and have no children and would feel blessed whether it was a boy or a girl.

Have another child because you want another child, not because you want a particular gender.

Easy for me to say when I have two boys and a girl though.....

I had two boys. Second son has severe disability.
When youngest DS2 was 6 we decided to have one last try for a third child. I just wanted another child and, by that stage, had the good sense just to be deeply grateful that I carried full term and that my third child is growing up happy and loved.

Yes YABU
I have never really understood the quest for a son/daughter thing

YABU.

I think you need to have a really serious think about what you're projecting onto this (potential) girl.

How are you going to feel if she's not 'feminine' in whatever ways you are imagining?

I always think about these questions - wish fulfilment, mini-me, pink frocks and frills, mummy and daughter clothes shopping...

Doing my own projecting here as I'm a massive dissapointment to my gran/mum for my own lack of femininity, female bonding and so on, but you've got to think, if you want a girl so bady, WHY?

only second post by OP.

YABU, your life shouldn't be defined by the sex of your children.

I have 3 sons and will probably be a horrible MIL, but not for one minute would I want to change any of them for a daughter.

YABU x a million.

Oh you're being unreasonable!! Hugely!!

But then I Think you know that anyway!

YABU

Honestly I despair of some attitudes, really not seeing how blessed you are already and how blessed you would be to have a third child, boy or girl, and instead putting yourself through IVF (no experience of it but I believe it isn't a bed of roses).

YABU but not outrageously so.

It is natural to have a preference but not so to have an obsession. I would explore this a lot more before you go ahead.

YABU

For loads and loads of reasons

YABU. Whether you are a bitter old MIL is entirely up to you.

I have a lovely DS (16) and 4 DDs.

I also have a bitter pill of an exMIL, who derived her entire sense of self worth from the fact that she was a mother of boys. The gender favouritism thing can wreak havoc far beyond the walls of your own home.

Be the best mum you can be to your boys, and you will have daughters in law who will love you more than you can ever imagine.

I really want to say that YABU...........but, I have 2 ds' never bothered about which sex they would be, dh was delighted to have the heir and a spare.

But now I am too old and dh has had the snip, I sometimes yearn for a daughter. I am a teeny bit jealous of my friends who have pretty little girls and i think i will miss out on being a maternal grandmother. I really understand where you are coming from and i hope that you come to a conclusion that makes you happy

yabu
even if you have a girl, she could be a tomboy or hate you

YABU

I am saying this kindly but you are. And I think you know you are too...

I am mother of 4 boys and will be best MIL ever

I start my 5th ivf tomorrow and if I am honest I find your post pretty hard to digest. IVF is mentally and physically exhausting with no gaurantee of success. It really is a rollercoaster of emotions you go through and I would owrry you are setting yourself up for a huge disapointment if it fails which in 2 out of 3 cases it does.

Good luck to you with whatever you decide but honestly think long and hard about it before making any decisions.

A tomboy is still a daughter

I don't think YABU. We all have to make decisions based on our own needs/wants.

I never imagined it myself, but it is highly emotional for some, and did not realise this until I was told DC2 would be another DS. I'll be honest and say I've been a complete mess, and as each of my friends find out they are having DDs (5 out of 7 so far), it really affects me.

It is not rational, nor reasonable and I can't explain it. Yes I should be grateful to be having another child at all as I had 2 m/c prior to this pregnancy, but there it is, completely emotional and irrational but I can't stop it.

However, I wouldn't have sex selection myself, and if I did roll the dice for a third it would be to have another child, as chances are I could end up with 3 lovely, robust DSs.

skidoodly i know, but I meant it more in the dressing up in pretty dresses way.
(I have a dd but will never be a maternal grandparent)

I don't think yabu as such for wanting a girl but i think yabu on posting your plans on here.

There are many people on here who have been trying to conceive for a long time of suffered loss who may be upset by your post and your opinions.

If its what you want to do then do it (your choice, no one elses)

I have 2 girls and would love a boy but would still be delighted to have another girl.

YABU. I am the mother of 3 DSs; don't even contemplate a third if you don't want a third boy. DCs are a gift, I think it is wonderful that it is one area where you can't choose. Lots of MILs have a good relationship with DILs and lots of mothers of DDs have dreadful relationships with their DDs. Life is what you make it.

I don't think it's that unreasonable.

I'm pg, only going to have one, and I hope it's a girl.

I think there's a rush to condemn people who want girls because a) it makes people feel that their own boys aren't judged good enough and b) there's an assumption that it's to do with pink, princeses and shopping.

But I don't want a girl for fluffy pink reasons, I want one because I want a daughter relationship. I'd love a son relationship too, but my preference at this stage is to think I hope it's a girl.

I can see exactly why some mothers feel they've missed out by not having a daughter. I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of.

Whilst I wholeheartedly sympathise with the situations explained in some of the answers here (disability, IVF, etc), I am shocked and saddened by the lack of empathy for the OP (with the exception of alouiseg, lovely post). Wanting a child of one specific sex is such a taboo in our culture that many women are left feeling like monsters for feeling the way they do, and not being able to talk to anyone for fear of being judged. In an ideal world we would all of course be happy with our lot because there's ALWAYS going to be someone less fortunate than we are. But the reality is quite another. Many women suffer from gender disappointment and they don't deserve to get slated for that, but helped to manage it. I am incredibly fortunate to have one of each but I can fully understand the OP because had my DD been a DS, I would feel the way she does right now. Your desperate longing for a daughter does not take anything away from your sons; it doesn't mean you don't love them or that you're not grateful they're alive and healthy. But a lot of people don't understand that at all which is why many women who feel this way don't dare to speak. Highchair if I were you I would probably seriously look into the treatment but I would keep quiet about it. No one needs to know, it's nobody's business. You must however understand that it is not an easy journey to undertake, just like broodymomma said (and all the very best of luck to you broodymomma). Highchair, maybe you need to discuss your feelings with a professional who will not judge you and who will help you make the right decision. I wish you all the best.