To only want a 3rd child if its a dd and to want to go abroad to do gender selection IVF to guarantee this

[highchair]

controversial I know, but I'm ready to hear all thoughts on this subject...

I worry that growing old without the chance of ever raising a dd make me a bitter old MIL? will I always live with regret to not try at least uhm 3 times?!

Mothers of teenage/grown boys only, your experience much appreciated.

Thanks

my pil had 5 boys and then got a girl

sil is the butchest lesbian i know

Berludddy hell, what a response! I didn't expect anything less! so thank you especially to those that have boys only and to ledkr, thank you for your honesty.

I appreciate all the BU's, I get it, I really do but its very easy to say when you have both genders or just girls!

I get an incredible amount of enjoyment from my son's, life is very good, I am very blessed and my sons are filled to the brim with love from me. I do not have a mental illness, I am a normal intelligent woman in my 30's who appreciates everything she is given and simply has the knowledge of what I CAN do to achieve what I desire.

Yes, my reasonings may be deep rooted, but that is life, who doesn't have some issue or other and my God, just reading through many mumsnet threads says it all, but thankfully there is empathy some of the time!

I may be irrational and OTT as OMG we can choose our gender!! what next? 3d tv's and eye implants for the blind, I understand the world is moving so fast, its hard to accept but gender selection is here everyone, shock horror!

All I wanted to know from women with older boys is if it is better to have tried than to live with regret and secret of feeling something is missing.

There is no guarantee it will work and maybe I always wonder what its like to mother a daughter regardless of the relationship.

FWIW, I do not live my life through my children and will not

Others peoples opinions I will consider and others I have already discarded, like my ds1 would say "calm down... relax"

This thread could go on and on and I am more than happy to be the target of your own anxieties and fears for I respect this subject is taboo and exactly why UK couples have to go abroad to seek this treatment.

I was merely asking the opinions of women who only had boys who are now older and how they felt. I can see its only me and a handful of other pp's that would feel regret. The rest of you are adamant you are happy with all ds's its good to know that its possible.

Anyway this is a disjointed response, I expect more thrashing but please don't expect me to defend my feelings.

Thank you for all the Kind posts.

Can I ask you, how does it work?

Is there a chance you will get pregnant but the baby will turn out to be a boy after all, and how would you feel?

I don't know if you want to hear this as I have one of each, and I know I'll get slammed but I changed when I hd my dd (7 year gap). There were probably a thousand reasons, different circumstances, e.t.c. but mothering a daughter is wildly different for me. Both have been brilliant an I adore them both, but I know I'll always be more involved with dd than ds. I'm not sad about that, it's gender.
If I only had 1 gender, was fit and healthy, was mentally stable and happy and secure enough to accept whatever I got, I would consider it.
Choosing the colour of her eyes however...

'Can I ask you, how does it work?

Is there a chance you will get pregnant but the baby will turn out to be a boy after all, and how would you feel? '

The actual embryo is screened for gender before implantation.

So there is no chance of its being a boy unless the clinic makes a crucial error.

YANBU

I have 3 DDs and 1SD - girls are FAB!

Glad you haven't let the wilder accusations knock you - think you've touched a nerve with a few posters on here and they're lashing out.

Good luck!

so - a person doing this might have 4 embryos and choose a female one?

See... I had IVF recently and I obviously just had the wo tbest quality embryos put in. Two others were not able to be frozeno make a choice I am thinking is it really a step too far to make a choice RE gender?

oh
that messed up

what I meant to say was to make a choice RE gender, is that really a step too far?

Possibly, Dueling, depending on how well everything goes.

Hence, suggestions about embryo adoption.

The procedure was originally pioneered for use on parents who carry genetic disorders, particularly sex-linked genetic disorders like Duchenne's muscular dystrophy, where having a boy baby means death or serious suffering/disability for the child.

YABVU

I think the point of many people's post highchair is that yes you can choose the gender but other than that you have no control.

So I think I'll repeat what I said before - there are no guarantees. Choosing a girl embryo might not give you the opportunity to 'raise a dd' in accordance with the mental picture you have of doing that. If that makes sense (which is probably doesn't). I mean that you have a preconceived idea of a daughter which the reality, for whatever reason, may not live up to.

I appreciate all the BU's, I get it, I really do but its very easy to say when you have both genders or just girls!

I've got 2 girls and no boys. Why is it "easy" for me to say you are being pathetic and unbelievably shallow?
I don't have sons and never will have.
Do you honestly believe girls are superior?

YANBU at all. Parents who've had 2 dc of the same sex and wish to have a baby of the opposite sex should be given that option. It's not unethical imo.

In 50 years' time it will be generally accepted; right now the majority of people are not ready to accept such argument.

I don't think you're being unreasonable by wanting a girl, no way. I think we all saw ourselves before we started having our families with one of each! I'm not sure about the whole gender selection issue though. I appreciate that the future is here, but along with good technology comes the clearly controversial and not always positive as well. What about neuclear weaponry, cloning experimentation and laboratory animal science? Obviously, not in the same league of course, but I'm just saying that perhaps there are some things we should leave in the hands of the Gods. If we can choose the gender, is it then okay to select other things like eye/hair colour? I don't know the answer, just putting it out there.
What I do know though is that although I'm only expecting my first baby at the moment and I don't know the sex, is that when people ask me what I want 'boy or girl?' I'm always shocked. Because I couldn't give a damn. I honestly and truly couldn't.
Good luck with whatever you decide though OP, what you feel is what you feel and I think you've already made up your mind with what you want. I wouldn't like to be in your shoes though, because I think that the issues involved in your decision would be more than I could bear. You must be very strong willed.

its very true yes that the people who judge the most are the ones with a mixed gender who whilst acting horrified at your discontent and ungratefullness will also smugly enjoy talking about ballet and the pretty princess dress they just bought for dd or the other side of the coin telling you what a special relationship they have with ds
i was actually asked by some people if i was "disapointed" when i had 3rd ds who now inccidently is a ballet dancer so no sexual stereo typing in my house!!I also had a suspiciously large amount of flowers and visitors on the birth of the dd so is society to blame for our feelings of incompleteion?The thing you crave is as someone said previously the mother daughter relationship and not just the actual dd it is a different one to the boys and as humans we all look for what we dont have and form very close bonds with same sex friends or family members, I notice that it is perfectly acceptable for a man to wish for aboy and not get slated.
I think you can only know how strong the feeling is if you have all the same sex children and those that dont BRILLIANT but you too dont understand either.To suggest that people are ungratefull for the children they already have is the same as saying we should only have one child or only love on sister.

I only have DSes and I still think it's wrong. But then I have a friend with a DD and 2 DSes. Only the DD has severe CP. And another one whose DD was stillborn. And a couple of friends who have never managed to conceive at all. So I guess I always feel that we are lucky to have healthy children, regardless of gender.

It seems terribly spoiled to me I'm afraid

its very true yes that the people who judge the most are the ones with a mixed gender

I have two of the same gender. I am judging the OP on being ungrateful, shallow and ridiculous to even consider going to such unethical lengths to have a daughter.
I never imagined having two of each, two boys or two girls.
I had a vague idea that I'd like to have kids one day and that two of them would be a nice number.
As for their sex, sure one of each might have been "ideal" but I am not mourning for one minute my lack of son.
My daughters are invididuals, people, not "sugar and spice" cliched stereotypes of what little girls should be.
I am shocked a little that so many people think the OP is being reasonable.

I had two boys before I had my dd. So I, and others have been in the same position the OP is in now. But when I was planning and expecting a third I couldn't have given a toss whether she was male or female, I was planning a baby of whatever sex. Hopefull healthy - not to be. Ballet and princess dresses didn't come in to it - and good job really because a dodgy lower limb doesn't really fit with ballet.

I had two girls before having DS. But between the girls and DS, I had a missed miscarriage and ERPC.

Still, I dont think what the OP is suggesting is the worst thing in the world.

Not the worst thing in the world no. I just think she is investing in precconceived ideas about daughters which may not be realised (for whatever reason) and she may be disappointed.

i am just happy when i have a healthy baby (after 2 loses) i dont give a monkeys if they are boys or girls or lady gagas tbh...

highchair, I am glad you came back .

Personally, I do not the desire for a child of one 'flavour' or another is at all odd or difficult to understand.

It is the fact that you seem to be prepared to undergo physically and emotionally challenging, expensive, potentially dangerous treatment to achieve the desired gender in you next child that I find, frankly, disturbing. Never mind the ethical considerations .

Just because gender selection is technically possible does not mean that it is necessarily a Good Thing.

I would have quite liked a girl somewhere along the way, however have been blessed with 4 boys and am actively relieved that DS4 was a boy as I would not have wanted the other 3 wondering whether we just 'kept going' to get a girl IYKWIM.

I also had 4 MCs and these losses put everything into perspective.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

DH is from an all boy family. MIL has spent the last 40 odd years making sure that the youngest one is aware that he was supposed to be a girl. then she feels bad and tries to 'make it up to him'. Imagine going through your life. knowing that you were considerer a failure from the very second of your birth.

I have all boys. wasn't bothered one way or another when I was pregnant, but like someone else said, I do seem to connect better with boys. Whether that is because I am used to them or whether that is just me I don't know.

I have no objection to gender selection when there is a solid reason, such as a health issue that only affects one gender, but other than that, I tend to think that nature does a fairly good job of keeping it even and therefore, we mess with it at our peril.

YABU.
Pregnancy, childbirth and children are not like shopping, you can't choose and take it back if it doesn't fit.
Be grateful for what you have. Maybe reading some of the desperate and hopeful messages on the conception discussions on this site from women trying to conceive and failing month after month, year after year, would make you realise how lucky you are to have your sons.

YABU. Be grateful for what you have. If you want a third child have one. If you only want a daughter, don't. It is terribly unfair on your sons.

MIL has two sons. She had two daughters who for different reasons died shortly after birth. She is happy that she had two children who grew up healthy and she didn't have to bury.