Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Intolerant neighbours?

210 replies

LordVolAuVent · 09/04/2010 23:15

Hi everyone

I'm new on here (although have read boards before for advice just never joined - cheeky?)so nice to "meet" you all.

Anyway, got a problem now with neighbours and need some points of view. DS always been a bad sleeper, finally settled down after lots of hard work on our part about 10-12m. Now 14m and started waking at 5-5.30 . Used to go til 6.30-7.

Am hoping it's a phase due to lighter mornings and want to stick with tried and tested methods of keeping him in cot til "reasonable" hour. He does need his sleep really.

But neighbours (we are ground flat in shared building, they are above) bombarding us with letters about how it's too early, they find it upsetting hearing him "scream" and although they admire our "resilience" they can't take it. They want us to move his bedroom (not possible) or sound proof ceiling (we rent the flat). Or just let him get up whenever he wakes (get the impression they think we are mean and selfish not doing that -are we???).

They have no kids. They own their flat, we rent ours. Have tried to explain that it is not just for our benefit, but his too and if we are consistent (v difficult when worried about neighbours) the phase will most likely pass quickly, quicker at least...

Am I wrong to feel like reprimanded school child, and more importantly that they are being quite intolerant and having a really negative impact on how we want to look after our child? Any views really welcome!

OP posts:
Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:27

I have to go to bed now before i drop dead, but really grateful for all advice/opinions and will check back tomorrow!

OP posts:
Kaloki · 10/04/2010 00:28

threeblondeboys Because a screaming baby is as pleasant and gentle a noise as bird song?!

paisleyleaf · 10/04/2010 00:29

"Frankly, if we owned I'd tell them that we were going to try our methods for a while and tough,"
I thought that's what you're doing anyway, with your "tried and tested methods of keeping him in cot til "reasonable" hour".

SuperflousBuns · 10/04/2010 00:30

LordV, Am totally on your side here but maybe just for the sake of an easier life take him in with you in the mornings, at least you'd get an extra hour and no more nasty letters.
I did it with my DD and she went back to her usual pattern of 8-8 after a couple weeks.

maybe just take the easy option here,you've got to pick your battles and all that.

notanumber · 10/04/2010 00:30

Regarding your eviction worries - I'm no legal expert, but I'm fairly sure that baby noise (crying etc, rather than loud trikes on hard floors or computer games) is exempt from the rules on noise pollution as it is seen as unavoidable.

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:30

To be woken at that time every morning by external factors would have serious implications for my family life.

I would not function well at work, nor would dh.

We would be constantly tired (and probably ratty)

We would be unhappy because of the above.

Perhaps they are trying to reason with you via letter prior to seeking legal advice and speaking to your landlord.

Rockbird · 10/04/2010 00:32

I like the idea that you can not let a 14mo baby make any noise before 8am. You might be able to instruct a 6yo to keep the noise down in the morning but it's very hard to reason with babies... I think people with older children forget what it's like.

GypsyMoth · 10/04/2010 00:32

An hour of birds....or five mins of screaming baby??

Both as irritating......both happen and can't do much about either. Op's baby may make all sorts if extra noise over the coming years.

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:32

notanumber, if it is for prolonged and excessive periods then I think something would be done. They may even ring ss if it that bad.

SuperflousBuns · 10/04/2010 00:34

Geekoftheweek, after only two weeks though?Feel this is extreme, and I'm someone who needs their sleep, get very ratty if don't get enough but am sure I would be more tolerant if it was a baby concerned rather than something that could be controlled.

Kaloki · 10/04/2010 00:35

Used to live in Brighton, I'm a light sleeper. But the seagulls didn't wake me when a baby crying would.

The baby may make noise, but at roughly the same time every morning? Of course it's not pleasant for the neighbours, and as geekoftheweek said, interrupted sleep has a lot of detrimental effects.

Go look up the health affects insomnia has.

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:35

Rockbird, I have a 4 month old ds. I would not let him cry for prolonged periods. Regardless of my feeling on controlled crying etc it would not be good for my older dc's to be woken every day at that time. (I have no neighbours but would consider them if I did)

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:36

2 weeks of being in a zombie like state at work would feel like a lot longer.

jasper · 10/04/2010 00:38

I am completely puzzled by the owning/renting issue. I can't see why it has anything to do with anything

freshandclean · 10/04/2010 00:52

I do sympathize, OP, but YABU. We also try to be consistent with DS in everything we do, but would not have that kind impact our neighbors on an ongoing basis.

Also, I have sent letters to one neighbor, after repeated requests to control their destructive dog who terrorizes the entire neighborhood. The reason I sent letters instead of speaking with them any further about it is because I wanted to have something in writing in order to take the next (formal) steps with my complaint - based on what you have described, perhaps that is what yours are doing?

Don't mean to worry you, but sounds like this is more regular/ongoing than they could reasonably be expected to tolerate?

LittleMissHissyFit · 10/04/2010 00:55

threeboys pmsl!

Ok, who here has had measurable success in 'compromising' with a toddler? Come on, hands up...

Anyone? No? Thought not.

As annoying as it is to be woken up early, even by your own flesh and blood, let alone a neighbour's child,it would appear that LordV IS getting up in an urgent and timely manner, and is doing her best. I'd try and reason with them and tell them that i was doing everything i could not to wake them, and it's not being done intentionally. I'd also be tempted to get them some ear plugs actually, they work absolute wonders!

Fwiw, if i had the use of 2 homes, one of which i'd be woken early and the other not, i'd seriously consider spending my weekends at the quieter option.

I do understand their frustration at being woken, dh has woken me for the past 3 mornings with his flaming grinding teeth, tonight i've got ear plugs... I do think that they are being more than a little bit U though.

If they continue to keep on with the letters, keep telling them you're doing all you can, assuming that you are, and offer them a 'go' at trying their luck with it if they wish....

mummytotwins · 10/04/2010 00:56

Jeez!!! the baby is 14 months, he wont respond to 'Can you not scream when you wake please, oh and if you could just stay asleep unti about 8ish that would be grand' your neighbours want to count their blessings that we were not their neighbours a few months back when my DT's were up at all hours singing and dancing and shouting!!!

I personally would go on the charm offensive, go round this weekend with a bottle of wine and some chocs for them, apologise and explain that you are doing your best to get him back into his routine but you need time to do this as he is still so young and agree a reasonable time frame for you both.

Good luck to you, I hope your LO gets his routine back quickly and normal service can resume for you x

oliviacrumble · 10/04/2010 01:06

Wow, totally irrelevent tangent.

Completely assumed Lord vov was a man!

Just thought he was a really engaged dad!

How sexist of me (honestly based my opinions on assumption OP was male, as there seems to be a very(imo) male solution-based strategy going on here).

JaneS · 10/04/2010 01:09

If you rent a flat, you almost certainly can't make any changes (such as sound-proofing) to it. If you own the flat, you can. This is an obvious difference.

Babies cry. It drives me nuts too, but it isn't the baby's fault or the parents' fault. It's just a fact of life, and trust me, if you complain (as our downstairs neighbour did) about a crying baby, then unless it's a case for social services, everyone will just laugh at you.

ChippingIn · 10/04/2010 01:41

How about getting a couple of pieces of carpet to put down in DS's bedroom, that should absorb quite a bit of the noise - also throw in more soft furnishings - it really does help with 'noise absorbtion'.

Frankly, I'd go for a change in routine, get him up when he wakes up and start your day - have a mid morning nap with him. It wont last long before he's running around like a loon and sleeping longer

sunnydelight · 10/04/2010 04:28

It's never good to fall out with your neighbours, so putting aside issues of whether they are unreasonable for complaining or you are unreasonable for letting him make that much noise so early in the morning I think you should try and respect the fact that it's disturbing them and do something about it.

At your DS's stage it's all "phases" so whatever you have to do it won't be forever.

SofiaAmes · 10/04/2010 05:32

This is the most ridiculous thread. What on earth is anyone expecting the OP to do? Press the mute button on her toddler. Some kids wake early, sleep badly and cry a lot and don't respond to all the conventional methods of comforting/training/berating. It seems like the OP has done her best to mitigate her child's noise. Give her a break. My dd was like that and there was absolutely nothing and I mean nothing that would quiet or calm her. She was my 2nd and I had had a completely opposite experience with my 1st. Some kids are just like that. She is now 7 years old and still sleeps badly and makes a lot of noise. No one is going to evict you because your baby cried a lot for a few weeks, or even a few months or even a year. Just relax, ignore the neighbors and do what you think is best for your child. If you want to maintain a civil relationship with your neighbors, then try to talk to them, but I suspect they are not going to be reasonable no matter what you say or do, so personally I advise putting your energy and thoughts into you and your family and ignoring them.

aprp1999 · 10/04/2010 06:54

Apologies if I'm repeating someone elese's advice (I've only scanned the other 98 posts) but I'm wondering as this is such a recent problem whether it is more to do with the changing of the clocks the other week. What your neighbours and you know as 6am (summer time) is actually 7am (winter time) to your child's body clock.
I know my children both had to gradually adjust to the hour forward/back and that this could only be achieved with me altering their routine slowly over a week or so.

SofiaAmes · 10/04/2010 07:22

aprp1999...good point. It takes my kids several weeks to get over the 1 hour time change!

ditavionteased · 10/04/2010 07:40

I actually can't believe the response you are getting on here, we lived in a flat when I had my babies, dd2 would scream pretty much all night, I tried everything to stop her but there is a limit to what you can actually do. I heard my neighbours getting up everytime she did, heard the toilet flush and things, used to make me so p;aranoid. I asked them. they would always smile and say children make noise, doesn't bother us and give me a very sympathetic smile. ffs what do they actually want you to do, at least they don't have to actually deal witht he screaming baby, and personally I can sleep through any baby screaming excpet my own.
Just keep on, this soon will pass, and they are being intolerant, unreasonable and to be honest just plain unkind.