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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Intolerant neighbours?

210 replies

LordVolAuVent · 09/04/2010 23:15

Hi everyone

I'm new on here (although have read boards before for advice just never joined - cheeky?)so nice to "meet" you all.

Anyway, got a problem now with neighbours and need some points of view. DS always been a bad sleeper, finally settled down after lots of hard work on our part about 10-12m. Now 14m and started waking at 5-5.30 . Used to go til 6.30-7.

Am hoping it's a phase due to lighter mornings and want to stick with tried and tested methods of keeping him in cot til "reasonable" hour. He does need his sleep really.

But neighbours (we are ground flat in shared building, they are above) bombarding us with letters about how it's too early, they find it upsetting hearing him "scream" and although they admire our "resilience" they can't take it. They want us to move his bedroom (not possible) or sound proof ceiling (we rent the flat). Or just let him get up whenever he wakes (get the impression they think we are mean and selfish not doing that -are we???).

They have no kids. They own their flat, we rent ours. Have tried to explain that it is not just for our benefit, but his too and if we are consistent (v difficult when worried about neighbours) the phase will most likely pass quickly, quicker at least...

Am I wrong to feel like reprimanded school child, and more importantly that they are being quite intolerant and having a really negative impact on how we want to look after our child? Any views really welcome!

OP posts:
KickArseQueen · 10/04/2010 00:07

suggest to your neihgbour that they are waking your son

CaurnieBred · 10/04/2010 00:08

When I was childless, anything before 0900 hrs, especially at the weekend, was the middle of the night, so even 0645 hrs would be totally awful. Even once I had DD and she was sleeping through the night I was Mrs Grumpy if she woke up if there was not at least a 7 in the hour!

This however does not help you. If it is bothering your neighbours that much you could always suggest to them that they could soundproof their floor. If it is their flat, then they are much more able to do that than you in your rented one.

And earplugs. I am a light sleeper myself and always have a pair of earplugs handy.

Good luck

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:08

That is why there are laws on unacceptable noise levels at unsociable hours.

Our local paper recently ran a story on a tenant that was evicted due to playing Ronan Keating on repeat too loudly!

plimsolls · 10/04/2010 00:08

sorry bit of a X-post.

Not always easy to know if it is a rented flat underneath where you are buying. Also, so what? Neighbours have duties to be considerate to each other (both ways) regardless of whether you are renting or not.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:09

Granted 5am, but she is also pissed off at 6.45

They have a spare room, not above his as well, and her boyfriend has a flat close by but she works from home so they prefer to stay there - I feel they therefore have other options to give us a bit of leeway to try and sort things out.

And arguing Geek is something more controllable IMO, but of course I'd be annoyed yes

OP posts:
MillyMollyMoo · 10/04/2010 00:09

They've had 14 months of being woken by somebody else's crying child is that right ? I'm surprised they haven't written to your landlord or agency.
I think I'd have killed you by now.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:12

No millymollymoo, just the last couple of weeks. He used to sleep through til 6.30-7 when I'd get him right up so they weren't unduly disturbed

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 10/04/2010 00:12

Playing Ronan Keating= avoidable, eminently so, IMO!!

Crying baby= one of those things.

I would be tempted to tell couple upstairs that it is their early morning nookie that is waking baby- nothing like spreading the paranoia around (I wouldn't of course!)

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:13

Point taken, plimsolls, I just don't think I'd buy above a rented property

OP posts:
Kaloki · 10/04/2010 00:16

I have sympathy for your neighbours. My old neighbours let their kids scream from 5am every single morning. It isn't pleasant.

Even worse for me, was at that time I was doing night shifts and would have only got to bed at 1:30am.

As regards them having options.. it's thair home. Why should they leave???

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:17

Here's the thing CaurnieBred, at the moment he immediately cries on waking, whatever time, day naps too. So even if I get him up straight away, by the time I've woken, registered and got to him with his milk, he's been crying for a bit, which she is now saying wakes her and she can't get back to sleep. But I can't stop him from waking up ever!

I assume that as he gets older this will change and he'll wake more happily.

OP posts:
notanumber · 10/04/2010 00:17

By LordVolAuVent Sat 10-Apr-10 00:05:48
My only point about the buying thing, Geek, is that they had options and should have considered it was above a rented flat so they would never be sure who their neighbours were before buying...

Well you had options too, didn't you? Not to live in a flat where your child may disturb neighbours...oh wait, wre you prossibly a bit limited in terms of budget so went for the "best fit" for your needs, knowing that there were some compromises, but what else could you do?

The same almost certainly applies to them. Just because you own somewhere doesn't mean that you have millions to spend on your dream property which fulfils all your criteria.

Buy, own, whatever... It's irrelevent. If anything they are in a worse position than you as you at least can give notice and leave relatively quickly and easily. They are stuck where they are, being woken up at a godawful time every morning and no way of easily changing that situation.

paisleyleaf · 10/04/2010 00:18

It does seem to be all about the things they should be doing. Not buying a flat, using spare room, sleep at boyfriend's etc.
I wonder if there's something you could be doing.
What about if the baby sleeps somewhere not so near to where they are, as they suggested?

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:18

Not suggesting they should leave Kaloki, I meant options as to where they bought and the type of property.

Just suggesting they give us a bit of time to try and sort things by changing rooms or staying at his or using ear plugs or something...

OP posts:
plimsolls · 10/04/2010 00:19

See, from your OP, it sounded like you were checking out whether they were being intolerant about your baby and asking for opinions. now it sounds like you think they somehow have less of a right to opinion because they were silly enough to buy a flat above a rented property?

The thing is you can't guarantee who your neighbours are. Even if you buy a flat above another "owned flat" those neighbours might be shite, or they might sell to someone else who is shite, or they might move out and rent it out, or they might decide to have children. That they should have known better than to buy a flat above a rental seems like a funny perspective to have, particularly because you are a renting tenant and I'm pretty sure you are no worse than an "owning tenant" might be.

But anyway, the renting/owning thing is a bit off topic, sorry!

Kaloki · 10/04/2010 00:19

How much time have they given you already?

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:20

Would rather hear the baby than Ronan on repeat

I mentioned it as noise pollution is taken seriously.

SuperflousBuns · 10/04/2010 00:21

Notanumber_one word of your post really stood out there 'compromise', needs to be on both sides here, but feel as its only been a couple of weeks they are being overly harsh with the letters etc

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:21

There isn't another suitable place, paisleyleaf, I wish there was. Point taken, notanumber, altho we've lived here a long time before baby. But we could move. But why should we more then them?

OP posts:
Kaloki · 10/04/2010 00:22

You are the one who brought up going somewhere else. No one suggested moving, just pointing out that neighbours dont want to hear next door neighbours noise.

plimsolls · 10/04/2010 00:23

I agree about the letters. OP, try talking to them again to thrash out a compromise.

paisleyleaf · 10/04/2010 00:23

Okay. What about bringing the baby with you to get the milk. So he's getting cuddles and knows it's coming?

GypsyMoth · 10/04/2010 00:24

Are the birds in the trees getting letters too for their early morning birdsong???

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:25

They gave us the Easter weekend, just because they were away. The flat thing is off topic, plimsolls, but to pick up on a point you made, I do actually feel they have more rights and are in a "stronger" position because they own, and worried about us getting evicted as a reault.

Frankly, if we owned I'd tell them that we were going to try our methods for a while and tough, not tiptoe around them asking for their permission to do stuff with our own child

(didn't mean to sound so arsy there sorry!)

I'm worried about them and their feelings, hence asking for advice/opinions, I'm worried about our tenancy but I'm also worried about what's best for my son

OP posts:
notanumber · 10/04/2010 00:26

I'm not saying you should move. I'm saying that you seem to be saying that they should just put up with the noise because they chose to buy the flat.

I honestly can't see how them owning it makes a difference. It's you who keeps banging on about the "choice" they've made.