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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Intolerant neighbours?

210 replies

LordVolAuVent · 09/04/2010 23:15

Hi everyone

I'm new on here (although have read boards before for advice just never joined - cheeky?)so nice to "meet" you all.

Anyway, got a problem now with neighbours and need some points of view. DS always been a bad sleeper, finally settled down after lots of hard work on our part about 10-12m. Now 14m and started waking at 5-5.30 . Used to go til 6.30-7.

Am hoping it's a phase due to lighter mornings and want to stick with tried and tested methods of keeping him in cot til "reasonable" hour. He does need his sleep really.

But neighbours (we are ground flat in shared building, they are above) bombarding us with letters about how it's too early, they find it upsetting hearing him "scream" and although they admire our "resilience" they can't take it. They want us to move his bedroom (not possible) or sound proof ceiling (we rent the flat). Or just let him get up whenever he wakes (get the impression they think we are mean and selfish not doing that -are we???).

They have no kids. They own their flat, we rent ours. Have tried to explain that it is not just for our benefit, but his too and if we are consistent (v difficult when worried about neighbours) the phase will most likely pass quickly, quicker at least...

Am I wrong to feel like reprimanded school child, and more importantly that they are being quite intolerant and having a really negative impact on how we want to look after our child? Any views really welcome!

OP posts:
Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 09/04/2010 23:48

Sorry that meant to say advice is really useful!

OP posts:
plimsolls · 09/04/2010 23:48

Can see both sides here really....Living in flats is all about compromise (as I remind myself daily!!!)

Not sure about sound-proofing the ceiling but the more soft-furnishings you have in your flat, the more sound will get "absorbed"?

In terms of neighbour relations, could you talk to them and agree a time limit (e.g. one month) where you stick with your current plan (because you think it'll change things if you can be consistent) but if after that time your son is still the same, look at ways to keep him quiet instead?

SuperflousBuns · 09/04/2010 23:50

YANBU, your neighbours are however, and am very surprised by certain posters attitudes here!
They chose to buy a flat and when doing so must have realised there would be noise from neighbours, I suppose they never cried as babies did they?

GeekOfTheWeek · 09/04/2010 23:50

It is worth considering that they may complain to your landlord about noise pollution (or something like that).

plimsolls · 09/04/2010 23:51

superflous buns - works both ways though, OP chose to live in a flat, too...

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 09/04/2010 23:53

I'm worried about that too Geekoftheweek...

Agreed jasper but is 6'45 the wee small hours?

I've tried asking for a set time plimsolls and they said they were going away for a few days, but then I got the new letter about the 6'45 awakening when they got back...

OP posts:
DinahRod · 09/04/2010 23:53

Your neighbours are being a bit of a PITA with their letter writing but a 5am wake-up call every morning is very irritating, especially if he's left to cry.

Once he's awake, he isn't going back to sleep - hunger/wanting your company will see to that.

Would agree with others about popping him in bed with you, see if he goes off again comforted by your presence/warmth. You mention getting him a bottle of milk at that time, can he wait in your bed til it arrives so he isn't screaming and then breakfast in bed? Might go back to sleep after. Blackout blinds a must.

What time he goes to bed and what time does he daytime nap? Does he eat well before bedtime?

GeekOfTheWeek · 09/04/2010 23:54

Superflous, not many people would object to a crying baby but it is different if they are subjected to it every day at 5am for prolonged periods.

To be woken at that time every day could have a detremental effect on their lives.

SuperflousBuns · 09/04/2010 23:55

Agreed plimsolls, but really feel these neighbours are being intolerant and even if they have no children themselves,surely they realise this is just a phase

DinahRod · 09/04/2010 23:55

Sorry, me too am a slow typer!

Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/04/2010 23:56

Thinking about it, I would go and speak to your neighbours, explaining what you are trying. Tis definitely a bit unreasonable of them to expect no noise from a baby- we're not talkign about a barking dog here, guys!

Re; the warring neighbours thing- we had this with our old neighbours (for other reasons, mainly parking issues) and they retaliated by playing REALLY loud music just as I was getting the kids down to sleep . If yours have a better nature, appeal to it- could save you lots of angst in the long run.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 09/04/2010 23:57

My view on the flat thing is that they chose to buy a flat over a rented property. If we could afford to buy a house/flat of our own, we would but we are limited to rented flats.
It's not malicious noise, we could be having parties everynight, or playing drums or something...

OP posts:
jasper · 09/04/2010 23:57

I don't understand why your little one is making enough noise to disturb the neighbours at ANY time of the day or night. Does your baby not respond to being cuddled/comforted?

I do think it is not on to let your baby wake neighbours anytime before 8 am at the very earliest but I do realise it is not an easy situation for you

ElleBing · 09/04/2010 23:59

Before 8am?

jasper · 09/04/2010 23:59

The bought/rented is a red herring. How would you feel about being woken by noise(ANY noise) from their property while you were fast asleep?

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:00

He does go back to sleep after some crying if he wakes that early, that's the thing, that's how I know it's too early for him... That and his demeanour if I do get him up.

I don't give him milk before 6.45, he is not really hungry, he only has about 2oz altho I offer more, does eat well, goes to bed about 7.30

Thanks for warning Joolyjoolyjoo!

OP posts:
plimsolls · 10/04/2010 00:01

superflous yes, true. I agree, some neighbours 'jump' on things very quickly like they have assumed it will go on for ever when it won't. I see both sides- I have experienced both extremes (of noise-intolerance and noise-making)

OP, I really think it is worth you talking to them again and telling them you think it is just a phase and that you need to be consistent (so that it stays just a phase and not a permanent thing) and agreeing with them on a date when if he is still screaming and waking them early, you will look at other options.

jasper · 10/04/2010 00:01

my kids woke well before 8 am but I never let them make a racket that would disturb others so stifle laughter all you like.
The neighbours are not laughing

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:02

VolAuVent, it shouldn't matter whether they bought it or rent it.

Maybe they are limited to flats too.

Personally I wouldn't object to noise from a baby/child except if it was excessive and continuous at unsocial times.

As I previously stated, this early morning rude awakening may be seriously affecting their day to day life. Not really fair imo.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:03

Before 8am? Her boyfriend gets up at 6.30 to get ready for work...

OP posts:
GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:04

Think about it the other way, if they were to argue every night, really loudly for ages at about 1am? Think you may be ever so slightly annoyed.

GeekOfTheWeek · 10/04/2010 00:05

If he is getting up at 0630 for work i'm not surprised they are pissed off at being woken at 5am.

Original poster
LordVolAuVent · 10/04/2010 00:05

My only point about the buying thing, Geek, is that they had options and should have considered it was above a rented flat so they would never be sure who their neighbours were before buying...

OP posts:
plimsolls · 10/04/2010 00:06

LordV I don't understand why the fact they own the flat should enter in to it. Do you think that people should not buy property unless they can afford to buy a house in the middle of nowhere? Or that if you buy a flat then you can't have a say in what it is like to live there?

Don't mean to sound aggressive (just re-read what I have typed and it could sound argumentative)they are genuinue questions... am baffled as to what your point is?

SuperflousBuns · 10/04/2010 00:06

LVAV Are they of childbearing age themselves? just wondering, they may end up being more tolerant in the future