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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for more money

246 replies

lucyvic · 07/04/2010 13:17

My partner gives me 700 pound a month.We have a 3yrd old and a 3 month year old.This is to provide all groceries for the family,petrol mobile phone for me.All kids clothes and activties.
I dont have any outside hobbies or vices that cost money but the money goes and I find it just a bit difficult to manage on.What does the average family of 4 need to live on !?

OP posts:
activate · 07/04/2010 13:20

£700 sounds plenty

AuntieMaggie · 07/04/2010 13:21

sounds plenty to me too

ZacharyQuack · 07/04/2010 13:21

How much does he earn per month?

AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 13:22

does your partner not live with you ?

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 07/04/2010 13:22

tbh the issue isn't how much you can live on, but how much does he earn and is what he's giving you a fair proportion of that? If he earns £800 a month then £700 is pretty generous, if he's on £100k a year then he's being a bit tight.

wastwinsetandpearls · 07/04/2010 13:23

I couldn't manage on £700 a month but it depends on what you can afford. If he is your partner it is not his money but the family money. You should not have to ask.

Gay40 · 07/04/2010 13:23

Depends what he earns, but it doesn't sound enough to me.

ninedragons · 07/04/2010 13:23

If just don't get the DH giving pin/housekeeping money to the DW so I can't advise.

I think the only healthy model is both partners having free access to all household income.

Sorry.

FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 13:23

I get more than that and always run out. There are 2 adults, 3 kids and some animals to feed. I think you probably should have more but it depends if he has it to give you. DH gives me everything he has left after paying bills and has very little left for him.

MayorNaze · 07/04/2010 13:25

ditto ninedragons, sorry.

if you trust someone enough to be with them monogomously, then you should both have equal access to finances and work things like this out togethher

paisleyleaf · 07/04/2010 13:26

Out of that, I'd probably budget £400 shopping, £100 petrol, £10 mobile phone out of that - and that's generous shopping and car trips.
So about £200 a month for clothes and activities sounds like a lot to me.
I think you're lucky. Unless, that is, your DP is spending several hundred pounds a go on himself and really living the high life.

brogan2 · 07/04/2010 13:27

I'm confused by your post. Do you live together? If so, why is he giving you any money at all? Why do you not just take whatever money you need from your household income whenever you need it?

IMVHO, a relationship where one person is at home looking after children yet has no access to the household funds on a daily basis is not a healthy one.

lifeas3plus1 · 07/04/2010 13:28

I get more than that but then dp's wages go in a joint account and we both take money as and when we need it.

I could easily live on £700 a month if I wasn't paying rent and bills which you are not by the look of your Op.

brogan2 · 07/04/2010 13:28

x posts in the time it took me to type.

brogan2 · 07/04/2010 13:29

It doesn't matter if he's giving you 3k a month. It's the concept of giving that's unreasonable not the amount.

Original poster
lucyvic · 07/04/2010 13:29

We all live together. I say partner as we are not married.
He earns a lot.Has his own business.And exspensive hobbies, cars and vices !

I find 700 pound a month doesnt allow for much freedom and i go over every month just slightly. Iam being careful.
I used to have a good salary myself.
I will consider working again when youngest is a bit older.

Just wanted to know what is reasonable.
Iam a stay at home mum and loving it but feel very tied financially.

OP posts:
mustrunmore · 07/04/2010 13:29

Why dont you have a joint account, and just both keep track of your spending so you dont go overboard?

Amount depends on where you live, how many kids you have etc etc.

e are in London, 2 kids, income is around £1400 per month, and it all goes. We have no car, only one child does one after school club and other child does one extra morning at nursery. We dont waste any money, ever. We only buy essentials 99% of the time, just the odd treat. I think our direct debits are about £1000 a month to start with, before buying food and travelcards and school dinners.

TrillianAstra · 07/04/2010 13:30

If you live together and have children together - x amount to go into a household account for rent/bills/groceries/childrens stuff (x to be negotiated)

The rest to be split equally between you for whatever you choose to spend it on that is not a necessity.

AnyFucker · 07/04/2010 13:32

You are a fool to settle for that "arrangement"

Sort it out...what are you ? The fucking hired help ?

FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 13:32

It isn't always a terrible thing if the dh gives the wife money each month. We used to have a joint account but it made it harder to keep a track of what was left and what had been spent. Him putting money in an account for me is much easier as I can keep a track of what money there is left. It isn't like he is keeping loads for himself. He probably spends about a tenner on himself each month, everything else goes on bills, food and the kids.

violethill · 07/04/2010 13:34

I could have lived on £700 a month with only two children that young, but I wouldn't have wanted to, so always worked, even if only part time.

If you feel tied financially, maybe time for a re-think.

brogan2 · 07/04/2010 13:34

You don't need to justify why you're at home. You have both taken that decision and you are not idle, you are looking after your children.

Joint household finances are the only ay to go.
DH actually has stronger feelings on this than me and thinks it's an appalling way for a man to treat the woman he supposidly loves and who is at home bringing up his children.

Pikelit · 07/04/2010 13:35

I'd work out where the money is going and ask for more. Although actually, I must confess to never, in my life, being prepared to have that level of dependency on a man! However, you aren't me (if you'll pardon the grammar) and if you can't manage on £700 it is probably best to put a businesslike case together for needing an increase in your allowance.

januaryjojo · 07/04/2010 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Firawla · 07/04/2010 13:35

if you live together and he pays rent/mortgage and bills, and that money is for shopping and you and kids stuff i think it is okay amount? well for me it would be okay and i have similar-ish aged kids