to want a holiday even though DH says we can't afford it

[EllaBing]

We've just recently moved house and our mortgage payments have gone up by a moderate amount. DH did say that if we moved house this year, we'd have to sacrifice going on our ten days abroad. Now, I nodded and made all the right noises because I thought I could butter him up at a later date but it appears I am wrong.

The thought of not having some time in the sun for another year is making me very miserable. The last 3 summers we've had have been shit. I've had a bit of mild depression since we moved and I feel like I need a change of scenery before i start doing crazy things like cutting my own hair off in clumps or eating sraight out of the freezer.

I KNOW I sound like a petulant child but I'm only asking for a few days in a hot country. Fucking Benidorm will do as long as there's sun and wine. I am a spoilt monster

Does she have a private pension or is she living on the state pension?

Do you claim the correct carer's allowance for yourself?

Thanks Ladyevenstar, and sorry for the sharp post. it's just that when you're not very diva-ish at all and take your lot with relative good humour, it does peeve a bit to be accused of being a precious bitch

Morningpaper, this may sound harsh but we expect MIL to have passed by the end of the year tbh. DS will be at pre-school from September this year and my wonderful mum has agreed to look after DS three afternoons a week if I am in a position to return to work which hopefully (but also not hopefully, obviously ) will be the case.

Elle - I hope you have managed to pull some good advice from the posts on your thread - as you can see, drip-feeding info (or AIBU by stealth as it's known here) can cause all sorts of misunderstandings etc. which leads to high feelings.

So you have the brunt of care for your MIL (please, tell me what MIL/DD means - are you saying she is disabled or do you have a daughter as well? I am ) and that does actually make a hell of a difference with your requirement for a holiday. My parents looked after my grandmother after she got senile dementia - five years they cared for her as she got progressively worse and the respite they got was 2 weeks every 6 months in a nursing home, iirc. Mind you it was a while ago now - doubt you can get anything like that much now . I know the strain was immense, even though she wasn't physically disabled.

I think you should stay on MN, btw - you have plenty of feistiness in you so you'll fit in well. (did you find the bumsex threads? if not, they'll be around tonight )

TW lol trust you to mention the bumsex threads!!!!

ahh I see this thread has taken a nicer turn - sorry for any jibes last night - but you were a little divaish in your OP and first few posts .

I am expecting a lovely MNer to arrive back at my house with her DD very soon to continue slave driving help me sort more of it out so I shall leave you to everyone else that are now being generally rather nice and helpful [smimle]

Elle, perhaps look at the financial implications of mil living with you and ask bil for a small contribution.

Not sure if this is the done thing but I would certainly want to help my sibling if my dm lived with them.

I've just been on the 'phone to my local carer's organisation and the lovely lady there said that I may be able to get a home-help (haven't heard that term for yonks) for a day a week! This has cheered me up no end. She did admit that this was because of having a LO, she said that often adult carers just get left to it if they don't have other dependants which was the case with my mum and grandma. Fucking frustrating that no-one gives a fuck about the elderly.

The reason I didn't blurt it all out in my OP is because I hate sounding like some downtrodden housewife when overall I'm very happy with life, got a nice house/healthy LO/good DH/brill mum and stepmum/dad. Just life grinds me down sometimes as it does all of us I suppose. Last night I was feeling particularly at the end of my tether because a much looked-forward to girly weekend got cancelled because one of my friends' mums passed away, selfish woman (JOKE) so I might have come across all woe is me.

Anyway thanks for the good advice. I'm feeling much better now that there might be some help on the way

BIL is possibly the most selfish cunt in the world, but that's for another time. I feel serene now, don't want to get my blood pressure up thinking about old Scrooge McDuck as we call him in our house. I could start an entire separate thread on him.

glad to hear you could be getting some help, Elle, that's great news!

your BIL sounds like my Dad's brother and wife - they wouldn't have dreamt of contributing to any of the care costs of my grandma either.

(please can you clear my confusion re the MIL/DD thing? Thanks)

ONLY read the first page, but erm whats wrong with Benidorm?, Ive been too old town benidorm twice now ans tbh id been fantastic cultural wise!

at my post

Oops sorry. DD = Dear dad. I understand it's Dear daughter here put I frequently post on a forum for carers and that's what DD is there. Must break that habit or I will confuse you all into a frenzy.

My dad bless him has chronic arthritis and has had go give up work, a VERY hard thing for him to do as he owned his own business for 30 years and worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. Poorlove just can't get about like he used to. Not so bad for him because my stepmum is relatively young but she still works so I nip round to see him each day to make sure the old dope is managing or needs anything.

Nowt wrong with Benidorm. I just meant it's very cheap to get there and back

ahhh, thank you - confusion now cleared. I did wonder why you would think of going off on hols with your DH and DS and leaving your DD behind, now it makes sense!

You really do have your hands full, don't you.

BIL is a little wanker. Can't stand the miserable fucker, he makes my blood boil.

Please please stop thinking of your dh's salary as only his money - you are earning a big chunk of that salary for the family by your unpaid work at home, as others have said.

If you were not doing that, he would be paying a fortune for childcare and other care. Large amounts of his salary only gets to stay in his bank account (and not be paid out for childcare/carers fees) thanks to your work - in effect, you're earning it.

He really should not be getting a casting vote just because his working hours are in an office and yours are at home. Both his and your hours of work are needed for that salary to be earned at all.

Ella, well done on being proactive about this

You are clearly a ballsy lady (as you have suvived AIBU) and I think now is the time for you to be more a self-advocate and put yourself first a little more and think about your own well-being

Hopefully a bit of respite in whatever form will help you out

You are doing a phenomenal amount of caring work - you should recognise that and recognise that you are therefore entitled to some help with that

good luck

WHY is everyone being so bitchy to the OP?

I read the post and just assumed she was being lighthearted.

FFS some of you really need to lighten up and Scottishmummy you REALLY need to lighted up, you're practically foaming at the mouth!

I thought the 'eating straight out of the freezer' line was v funny.

pipe down tinytim.so you found the bold clever widdle you.what nexy italics maybe hyphens you go girlfriend

foaming you say?
ah yes foaming when i advised elle to get carer ax
foaming when i posted links about carer ax
foaming when i discussed manual handling

elle has been a good sport, her op was v princessy and misleading.howoever she gradually revealled the true situation and the tempo changed

arf

YABU.

And don't know where you spent last summer, but we had lots of sun up here in the frozen North in May and June, last year.

this is definitely one of those threads where posters need to read more than just the op or the first page....