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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my kids grandparents to sleep naked with him.

218 replies

susssiq · 13/03/2010 11:34

My kids paternal grandparents sleep naked ok fair enough thats up to them. My kids stay at theres when they babysit and sleep over. When my son wakes up early he usually gets in their bed and dozes for a while. I don't feel comfortable that they are naked then. AIBU if I ask them to at least wear underwear? and how do I ask them without offending them?

OP posts:
DunderMifflin · 13/03/2010 22:53

I don't think they're being unreasonable, I'm genuinely surprised that this is something people worry about - if the GP's aren't uncomfortable why would anyone else be?

If my DD had got into bed with my parents and any of them were nude (my DD sometimes sleeps naked) I just wouldn't consider it an issue. Again, I'm not judging just didn't realise so many people were unhappy with the idea.

But I also hadn't thought about the kissing children on the lips thing...

DavidHappyDad · 13/03/2010 22:55

Message deleted

AnyFucker · 13/03/2010 22:59

ignore david everyone...he is a 14 yo with a stiffy

DunderMifflin · 13/03/2010 22:59

Well, I don't let my children sleep with any grandfather, just my dad .

jybay · 13/03/2010 23:03

body fluids: the main body fluids produced in the night are saliva and sweat. Post-menopausal women do not have many vaginal secretions and eldery men do not usually wake with erections. The body fluids objection is daft.

And I'm not having a sense of humour failure, motherbeyond, I'm responding to posters suggesting that there is something disgusting about elderly bodies.

CarmenSanDiego · 13/03/2010 23:08

Grandparents aren't necessarily elderly though. A 45 year old could quite easily be the grandmother of an 8 year old.

WickedWench · 13/03/2010 23:16

Blimey, no wonder us English are said to be repressed. I despair! It's a naked body. We've all got one, we all pretty much look the same be we men or women. Why on earth are some people so damn precious about it??

KerryMumbles · 14/03/2010 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherbeyond · 14/03/2010 07:50

this isn't going to be resolved is it?
kerry i'm very sorry for you,your experiences have obviously coloured your veiws on subjects like this,and made it hard to be objective..and understandably so.

david wtf?!!you strange person

...my final take on it is that however innocent it is,and it invariably will be...the gc's will probably be like,"eyyyyw, i saw granny and grandad's bits!" when they are 13 or 14!
i know i'd be mortified at that age to recall seeing my granma's fanjo!

i remember seeing my mum putting talc on her big 80's bush...and it still makes me shudder

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/03/2010 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/03/2010 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rockbird · 14/03/2010 08:24

Well we sleep naked with dd (2.2yo) and for the last 6 months she has though it is great fun to snog me! No tongues obv, in case anyone needs that clarifying, but a perfect 1970s tv drama snog - press closed mouth together for as long as you can without suffocating! I frequently do nearly suffocate but she won't let go

As to the op I have to reserve judgement. The idea of either set of gps sleeping naked is so absurd I can't imagine it. I don't think it would bother me.

JackBauer · 14/03/2010 08:26

Hmm, I wouldn't like it with my IL's or mum, but I know they all sleep in pj's so would be outside what I know is normal IYSWIM.
WRT myuself, DH and I do sleep in the nude but put clothes on if DD's get into our bed as they have no personal boundaries (and I don't like having my nipples pinged by a 4 yo) but we shower and dress in front of them no problem.

motherbeyond · 14/03/2010 09:35

oh yes jack,the nipple twanging IS a problem..i have gargantuan baps,that manage to escape from my vest top when am lying down.the lo's think it great to see what resembles a bun with a cherry on top,and try to remove said cherry...owwwwwwwwwwwww

ImSoNotTelling · 14/03/2010 09:46

The thing about grandfathers abusing their GCS. If it is what they want to do, they;re going to find a way to do it. And probably the time they won't do it is when the grandmother is in the bed as well.

Erections can be felt through pajamas too. Men are perfectly capable of not prodding all and sundry if they have an erection in the morning.

I can see why people are squeamish about it - we are British afer all while the GPs in this case are swedish and may have different cultural norms which are clashing with the OPs. That does not make them perverts.

If people disagree with this on the grounds that it might lead to sexual abuse then that is an argument for not leaving children alone with grandparents at all.

AccioPinotGrigio · 14/03/2010 10:03

My parents were very repressed about nudity. I grew up thinking naked bodies were dirty. It has been a long struggle losing the baggage I have from this. The idea that nudity always equals depravity/perversion is not IMO a healthy one to pass on to children.

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 10:23

I have to say I am at the idea that nudity = sexual abuse. What is being said with regard to parent's /grandparents is that as THEIR children we do not trust our parents NOT to abuse our children, does that mean we didn't trust them as parents? or that society has made such an issue of publicising so many cases of child abuse. Now i am not saying this is a bad thing BUT letting it affect us to such a level is a bad thing.

violethill · 14/03/2010 11:27

I wouldn't feel happy with it, but it's a tricky one because you say that your kids are staying overnight in their house, and your child gets into bed with them. So it's not as if he's being invited in.
You are basically going to be asking them to change their habits, in their house, so that they can babysit your children overnight.

Hmm, tricky! Think you'll just have to bite the bullet and say what you feel and be prepared to find another babysitter if they are offended. Presumably if you all stay overnight, this isn't an issue because your son would get in your bed?

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 15:02

Can someone please tell me,simply because I am at a loss as to what, the issue is with nakedness and children seeing it???

DS1 is 11 and would still jump in the shower with me if he wanted nowt sinister in that but some would find it odd....

OTTMummA · 14/03/2010 16:58

TheLadyEvenstar, im at a loss too, i find many views posted on here quite sad really

AnyFucker · 14/03/2010 17:23

ladyeven...my feelings are that sharing a bed with anyone other than siblings and parents when you are a child seems wrong

you mentioned your own child seeing you naked...so not a problem

my issue is not with grandparents as such (although this thread has shown some pretty rotten ageism, wtf is that all about? ...) but with relatives/friends that are not your own parents

would those who think it ok extend the same feeling to aunts, uncles, godparents, friends of the family etc etc...?

Its not about the risk of sexual abuse to me (because surely you should have a pretty good idea if your own father, eg, was a peadophile)

just, I dunno...too intimate to share a bed, bollocko, with someone who is not an immediate relative

mathanxiety · 14/03/2010 17:32

I think I agree, AF. I also think you can tell a child (without getting shouty) not to twang, ping or poke you if you don't want to be twanged, pinged or poked, and to stay put in his own bedroom in someone else's house. Children are capable of learning what's acceptable and what's not, even in different houses, from a young age.

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/03/2010 18:22

AF, sorry i didn't make it clear i was on about immediate family which Grandparents are.

I didn't mean extended family, friends etc

morningpaper · 14/03/2010 18:26

wow this is interesting

it wouldn't bother me in the slightest

I would imagine that the grandparents would cover up if my own children were noticably fascinated but otherwise I wouldn't care

As long as no one was expecting ME to join them

AnyFucker · 14/03/2010 18:51

maybe I just don't class gp's as immediate family

to me, that means parents and siblings