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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my kids grandparents to sleep naked with him.

218 replies

susssiq · 13/03/2010 11:34

My kids paternal grandparents sleep naked ok fair enough thats up to them. My kids stay at theres when they babysit and sleep over. When my son wakes up early he usually gets in their bed and dozes for a while. I don't feel comfortable that they are naked then. AIBU if I ask them to at least wear underwear? and how do I ask them without offending them?

OP posts:
starkadder · 13/03/2010 18:36

I'd feel weird about it too but no logical reason to. So, YANBU to feel a bit weird, but maybe it would be too problematic to mention it. It makes a difference that your DS is in his pyjamas anyway.

MadamDeathstare - did you really manage to resist kissing your babies' faces when they were tiny??? I think I kissed DS's face several hundred (thousand?) times a day...I would have found it near impossible not to, even if I had been told (and believed) that it might be germy...

groundhogs · 13/03/2010 18:50

er, no, I wouldn't do it.

I wouldn't be happy if DS GP slept naked, ew, just the thought of it.. my mum or my dad...i know it's illogical, but parents aren't allowed to do anything that involved getting nekkid...

Certainly wouldn't want DS to share a bed with anyone naked... myself included.

motherbeyond · 13/03/2010 18:57

kerry what happened to you is beyond appalling. but you must surely realise that a grandparent being naked in front of gc doesn't mean they have sexual intentions towards them.

the chances of being abused by a gp must be pretty low.?.and as others have said,being naked is a natural state for many of us.

i know my own lovely parents see my children as extentions of us,and treat them as such.

they are only 3 and 2 (with 3rd on way)and sleep over,have cuddles in bed,get bottoms wiped and nappy changes,have showers with them...and are generally adored.
i would never feel uneasy by their nakedness and see it actually in the opposite way..it makes me feel as if they have nothing to hide at all.

jybay sense of humour bypass or what?!!!of course we'll all get grey pubes and wrinkles when we're old...but hopefully will still be able to have a laugh!!!

onebadbaby · 13/03/2010 19:21

Surely sharing germs and kissing your baby helps them build up their immune system?

MrsC2010 · 13/03/2010 19:25

I don't think it is fair to deride the opinions of those who are uncomfortable with it (like me!) as each to their own. I stopped feeling comfortable seeing my parents naked and wouldn't expect people to feel comfortable to see me naked!

wonka · 13/03/2010 19:37

I don't generally have a prob with it.. but if it makes you feel uncomfortable then you may need to deal with it rather than let it fester.
I was just wondering the other morning if I should start locking the bathroom doee now DS is now 7 but he still just chats doesn't really look?
My mum still ocassionally kisses us on the lips.. and I always kiss the boys on the lips DS3 thinks you've not really kissed him unless its on the lips.
My inlaws are from Stockholm and we've been wanting to move there for years!

teaandcakeplease · 13/03/2010 19:42

I know you really will all think I think too much now, but I was worried that if I always kissed my DD on the lips, she would start kissing anybody on the lips anywhere anytime, as she is very very young and very cuddly and friendly to anybody, so I can't really reason with her yet. I guess I wanted to teach her the way people non related to you, would treat you. But I also did feel weird about kissing her on the lips, so also felt better just kissing her on the cheek, head etc too, with the millions and millions of cuddles and snuggles she gets everyday from me, as I love her sooooo much.

There I've said it. Now I'll get flamed alive

neenz · 13/03/2010 19:43

At first i thought no, I wouldn't want the GPs to be naked in bed with my kids.

So I asked DH what he thought and he said 'I think my parents do sleep naked'. Our kids stay over with them quite a lot (praise the Lord) and presumably get in with them in the morning, but when DH said that it actually didn't bother me.

If they feel comfortable and the kids don't mind (which they obviously won't at 22mo) then fair enough. Obviously I trust them implicitly so in some ways I think it is quite sweet. I think they probably do put clothes on though.

The thought of broaching the subject with them is too weird for words so if they want to do it then I don't mind.

neenz · 13/03/2010 19:48

Teaandcake, I can understand where you are coming from, but the likelihood that your DD will be in situations where she can just kiss strangers on the lips ie physically close enough is so low as to not be a worry IMO. And also so what if she wants to kiss on the lips with just anybody (however unlikely)? At her age it is entirely innocent.

When she gets older then you can explain that kissing on the lips is just for 'special' people (or even not at all).

But if it makes you really uncomfortable then so be it, you are not doing anything wrong. I think you and DD are missing out though. I think it is lovely to kiss them on the lips, and when they want to kiss other people like that it doesn't bother me either.

herladyshiplovesedward · 13/03/2010 20:03

my dd (almost 9) sleeps over at/goes on holiday with my parents.. not sure what my parents wear in bed to be honest, and i definately don't feel like asking!

dh and i sleep naked, and dd gets in with us for a cuddle some mornings.. ds (15) is rather past that stage and when his friends stay over dh and i are careful not to cause any alarm

don't think yabu though if it 'bothers' you..

MisSalLaneous · 13/03/2010 20:04

I wouldn't like it. I'm not even sure why - they'd never ever do anything inappropriate at all, but I just don't like it.

Perhaps it's because I remember getting in bed snuggling up with my one grandmother on holidays, and I loved the feeling of her soft flannel pajamas, her all warm and soft (being over weight is a good thing when you're small!) I'd feel a uncomfortable if ds was snuggling up to someone naked, however innocent. Also, even if you can argue it away at 4 - when do you stop? Would it not be even stranger if all of a sudden at, say 8, it becomes an issue?

CityGirlGoesCountry · 13/03/2010 20:12

YANBU.

My husband prefers to sleep naked, but now always wears boxers in bed as he doesn't feel right if he has to go to one of the kids if they wake up in the night etc.

cba · 13/03/2010 20:32

wouldnt bother me, fairplay to parents if they are still sprity enough to get kit off. Find this thread very amusing! But yanbu, your kids your rules

mathanxiety · 13/03/2010 20:37

Another vote for telling the DC not to get into their bed in the mornings, if you worry about it. Send a nice big cuddly toy with him to snuggle up with when he stays with them.

I've never kissed any of the DCs on the lips, mainly for reasons similar to those Teaandcake mentioned. I wasn't worried that any of them would kiss random people they met on the lips, but so that they would think it a bit off if someone else did it to them while children.

I cheerfully strip off in communal changing rooms and fitting rooms where there's a certain formality about everyone being naked and everyone is minding their own business. But I closed the bathroom door and made the DCs knock when they were small and they wanted to talk while I was occupied there. I felt it was better to start as I intended to continue and not change the rules as they got older, just get them in the habit of considering other people's privacy (and maybe their own) while they were young.

I think it's rather sweet that the gps sleep naked, and would not be inclined to rush to put on pjs myself if the DCs climbed in with me. (ExH on the other hand would never appear naked in the presence of the children at any age, no matter what the circumstances. Never got to the bottom of many of his hang-ups, including that one.) I'm pretty sure all my DCs' gps sleep or slept with pjs on, and DCs were never babysat by any of them overnight, so the issue of climbing into bed with them, naked or not, never arose. I think if they were ever staying over I would tell the DCs to stay in their own beds or play quietly in their rooms and wait to be greeted there instead of barging into someone else's bedroom. The gps are entitled to their privacy too, and might even be enjoying a nice snog or even more themselves first thing in the morning.

Mind you, my DCs were more shocked by the sight of granny's teeth in a glass by her bed one time than they might have been by any hypothetical sight of her without a nightie on.

I don't think you can bring up the issue of the DS being in their bed with them naked without coming across as accusing them of bad intentions at worst or reprehensible carelessness at best.

lotster · 13/03/2010 20:46

Math - no-one's right to judge your reasons for doing what you do, we are all different.

I love to give my kids (especially when babies) smackers on the lips though, one of the joys of life for me

junglist1 · 13/03/2010 20:55

Nooooooooooooo no no no

mathanxiety · 13/03/2010 20:55

Thank you Lotster . Have taken on a lot of flak for extended bfing so I feel a bit defensive or as if I need to have a good explanation handy wrt how I do things...

lotster · 13/03/2010 21:04

That's a shame. My Husband was BF'd till 3.

I never had a drop - we are both normal (I think!) and very similar..

Georgimama · 13/03/2010 21:05

I love to kiss DS on the lips. DH sleeps naked and I do sometimes, and I never try to hide my naked flesh from DS, but I would not feel comfortable with the OP's situation.

Mylittlebubble · 13/03/2010 21:13

I think there is a real difference between being open about nudity and encouraging your child to be confidant about their own bodies and actual naked physical contact.

YANBU - My DD stays at my PIL all the time and I would not feel comfortable with this at all. Why does it need to happen? My Dh puts clothes on if DD joins us in bed as he thinks it is totally inappropriate and wouldn't want DD (23 months) to take an interest in such close circumstances!!

Hope that makes sense.

nighbynight · 13/03/2010 22:06

neenz, my ex h is from a mediterranean country, and children there get kissed like anything, by any old stranger, male or female. So we have a no kissing on the lips rule, our children are not kissed on the mouth, full stop.

darkandstormy · 13/03/2010 22:11

yanbu bit weird tbh

CarmenSanDiego · 13/03/2010 22:13

My instinct with this is that it's not really the right thing to do. I think that's a mixture of cultural upbringing as well as a bit of Kerry's point about waking up next to grandfather with an erection. And the whole bodily fluids issue. Ugh.

Given some of the threads on here about social services, I do have an honest question. What would be the opinion of professionals on sleeping naked with grandparents? I suspect it could be viewed in quite a grim light? Not saying that's right or wrong either way.

DunderMifflin · 13/03/2010 22:39

I'm so surprised by this - I find it strange that so many people think it's a problem. (Not judging!)

My DC stay over with my parents' and my parents always used to sleep naked when we were kids so maybe they do the same now.

I don't think twice about being naked in front of my children (in bed or otherwise)and nor does my husband.

AnyFucker · 13/03/2010 22:44

dunder (and others)

you are missing the point

your parents may have slept in the nude and invited you, as a child, into their bed

you are comfortable with your own kids in your bed

your childrens grandparents are not their parents

there is a difference...some people are posting as if it makes no difference at all...but clearly, it does for many people

and those people are NBU