to think that having a short age gap between kids isnt actually that good

[icancancan]

preparing to be flamed here but had an experience today - friend expecting third child any day, has a 5 yr old and 2.5 yr old. older child struggling at school with letter sounds and friend struggling to cope to give them attention (which is what school say 5 yr old needs).
i was one of 5, all within a year or so of each other - i was never lonely, but it was hectic, quite fraught a lot of the time and a constant struggle for any kind of attention from exhausted (and poor) parents.
when I struggled with my ds after he was born, i was referred to a therapist. they were adamant that in the best interest of the child, it was advisable that a 3 yr gap should be the minimum in order to really nurture your baby. I have two psychotherapist friends who agree and I can't help thinking this is right.

Zoomy, you're alright cos you can divide your carbon footprint by however many kids you have. So, if you're really worried, just have another to spread the load!

'2 kids too close together is stressful'

No darkandstormy - they might have been stressful to you but that doesn't mean they would be stressful to everyone!

carbon footprint ie take into consideration other people, not your selfish family needs. Think global, bigger picture you know.

OP yabvu
i don't even think 2.5 yrs between children is a small age gap anyway? and its none of your business when your friend has her children
you sound like a crap friend

I have 24 months between my two and it's ideal! Gets better as they get older.

I do wonder if the bigger age gaps between children nowadays is somehow artificial, children were never really meant to have so much attention.

anyway I do not wish to diversify this thread any further from the op subject.

Hi larks35

I have proposed your suggestion to DH (all in the name of environmental protection you understand).....he's runway to take the dog for a walk!

I think that's a no go then!

Whenever carbon footprint is brought up in discussing my DC, I claim as an only child I've can use the siblings that I didn't have. My mum is an only child, so I can use hers too.

lockets -gap between mine 3.5 years .

I have four dc's and our family might be a good case-study in age gaps because they are 2, 3 and then 4 years apart.

I am sure that personality and gender must play a role but I prefer the 2 year gap. They play together beautifully and at 2 our ds1 was too young to remember having all of our attention.

I find that dd2 is very much seen as 'the baby' because she is so much younger than the 'big three'. This is likely because I find four years to be a huge gap.

Clearly parents also have differing needs so it is never a good thing to generalise.

lockets- no I just seelots of evidence,at toddler groups friends etc, so I decided to make an informed decision.My two get on brilliant and I think I have got off quite stress free, it has suited me, as I have said we are all different.

darkandstormy I would love to further understand the carbon footprint argument. Despite having four children, we send less rubbish to the kerb every week than any of our neighbours (who have fewer children) and we have only driven a vehicle for 2 of our 12 parenting years. Your carbon footprint is based more on lifestyle choices than the number of people in your family, no?

There's 22 months between my DD's and they have such a strong bond with each other - they are 18 and 16 now. DD1 is at university and talks to her little sis on facebook all the time (and offers advice on boy trouble!). DD2 is going to stay with her next week in half term . I don't think either of them would say actually you should have waited another year. There is 3.5 years between DD2 and DS and its great now that they are both at the same school and have more in common but the gap often seemed huge compared to the girls. Smaller gaps makes life easier as a family - from taking them all to a soft play area or all of them wanting to go on the same teen friendly holiday. Its a bit chaotic but that doesn't make it wrong.

depends how you look at it.How many people with larger families think like you? and do not drive much etc etc

Oh you are joking about the carbon footprint thing aren't you darkandstormy? Or did you really fail to read past that ludicrous news headline last year, fail to take into account any external factors, and in fact fail to think for yourself at all?

I have 27 minutes between DD3 and DD4 and they are healthy, happy and very bright. Therefore I can confidently state that leaving more than half an hour between children is a grave error.

I kind of agree with OP. My close friend had a 14m age gap and I watched her DD1 change personalities overnight when DD2 was born. Their life is v chaotic, there is lots of upset between them and the little one had to grow up so quickly. She admits it was very different to how she planned it.

I know it depends on the children and parents but I really feel at least 3 years is fair.

I know a psychotherapist who feels really strongly about this subject and was very negative about small age gaps for all sorts of reasons pertaining to mental health/ wellbeing of the Mother and child.

Oh, and what I meant to post when I came on this thread; is that I think bigger gaps (which I have between my siblings) probably have the edge, but as with many of the posters on this thread, I left starting my family until much later than my mum so don't have that luxury.
DH is from a huge and close-age-gap family and if I weren't so elderly would probably have been keen for the same for our family.

I perhaps would have had children closer in age if I could have a nanny, but that was not to be, so I picked as I said the best option for me.

Only 1 minute between my two. Better sign them up for therapy now, the poor things.

I then promptly sent dh for the snip,as 2 is my limit and his as well.