AIBU to be furious with school for refusing DS lunch?

[BettySwollux]

DS1 (12, year 8) left without his lunch money this morning.
He has forgotten it before, on rare occasion, and has borrowed £2 from school with a note in his organiser, and we repaid it the next day.

I get a text from him at lunchtime saying "The office wont lend me money cos they dont lend it anymore".

I text him "have you had lunch?"
No reply and no answer when I ring, so I ring the school and asked if they knew whether DS had eaten, they said they had no idea.
I asked if he had borrowed money from them, they said he hadnt been to reception and put me through to acting head, who also had no idea what had happened and said they would get him out of class, ask him and get back to me.

When I asked how long this may take, she said it may be a while, as she had other things to do!

I told her not to bother and said I was on my way to collect him as he was probably starving by now, and I didnt think that was conductive to a good learning environment.

I picked him up, and wrote on the sign-out sheet under 'reason' Denied lunch - hungry.

DS told me he had been to the office and they said it was no longer school policy and he couldnt have anything, and to take it up with Mrs D when she returned to school tomorrow. Tomorrow???

How the hell are kids supposed to learn when they are running on empty?
The reason a lot of schools have breakfast clubs on is because a lot of kids arent being given breakfast at home, and low blood sugar etc isnt a productive way to learn.

DS has cereal every morning, but if he was one of the kids who gets nothing, he would have had nothing since supper the night before.

I am fuming that he was just told, "No, sorry" without giving a damn (If we were on benifits with a free 'hub' card, it wouldnt be a problem, they would replace it).

Idiots. Clearly incapable of thinking outside the box. For crying out loud, you can't let a kid have no lunch!

To be honest, I think YABU. He's not going to starve to death because he missed lunch, and being hungry for the afternoon isn't going to ruin his education. It might even teach him to remember his lunch money in future.

My ds lost his lunch money the other day, so he went without lunch. Good life lesson, be more careful with your lunch money or else you go without lunch that day. No big deal.

I would imagine that, if they used to lend out money and have stopped, that they have been stung in the past with pupils refusing to pay their debts.

It was your DS's fault that he had not taken in any money. You are right to be annoyed, but not right to be 'furious'.

Expecting the headteacher to sort it out there and then is unreasonable. Clearly, they are not going to be totally on top of who is and who isn't having lunch.

yanbu
i would be livid!
people forget things, i do! and to go all day without lunch would honestly ruin my day!

If this happened to my dd who is at high school, I'd expect her to share some lunch with a friend if she was completely stuck. Or a friend would have got her something on her card.

I'd be very pissed off with the school. As it happens, this morning I found I didn't have quite enough lunch money for DS, so when I took him to school I explained to the secretary that I would be back within the hour with his dinner money: she said not to worry, the school would see to it and I could bring the money in when I collected him at the end of the day.

tbh, i think yabu. i used to be the person in the office in charge of things like this, and, while there were genuine cases, there were also a LOT of kids/parents who just took the piss and were getting a free lunch several times a week. and this was at a "nice" school as well.

denying lunch at primary school, i can understand the fuss you have made. but secondary school, esp not y7, you have probably just branded yourself as a v overprotective parent. it will not really harm a 12 year old to go for 6 hours without food.

sorry.

Really monkeyfeathers? What about the Jamie's School Dinners thing, that its so important to have a healthy lunch, nanny state gone mad, counting the carrot sticks in lunchboxes etc?
I realise it wouldnt kill him or ruin his entire education, but FFS,even prisoners have their basic human rights met.

Primary's different. All primary schools need to make sure pupils can have a loan if necessary.

I don't think this example qualifies as a basic human right.

I think your response was disproportionate. You could have brought him up a sandwich.

Sorry, not singling you out monkey, really slow connection tonight.
Appreciate all responses whether YABU or YANBU. Prefer the latter .

I think he's just been granted his basic human right to learn a lesson about the consequences of one's actions, BS.

now i really do think you are overreacting. hopefully tomorrow you will think you have been a bit daft.

he is year 8, so am guessing he is 12 or 13 - he is old enough to be in charge of taking his dinner money

it's a pity the office wouldnt lend him money but maybe they are fed up of doing it and not getting it back!

It is not the head's job to chase around after individual children checking they ahve had lunch, there are many many more important things she has to do.

Does he not have a friend who would lend him money for a bag of crisps?

Prisoners are required to be offered 3 meals a day as human rights.
Why is it ok to replace a hub card, but not to help someone who pays?

He did have the right to a lunch. But with rights, come responsibilities, and he failed on that one.

Does your school have alternative payment options? Does it have to be a daily cash payment?

At both my DCs' schools, we pay in advance each term. If they don't go to lunch, someone tracks them down!

I would echo what pointydug said about someone else sharing their food (or lending money). I would be very concerned about the sense of community in a school where no one stepped up to help out a classmate in need. This might be something to calmly raise with the T i/c of PSHE or pastoral care.

He is 12, he forgot, he was hungry. He would survive and maybe even learn something.

What he has learnt instead is

"if I forget my lunch money mum will come and pick me up and better yet it will be someone else's fault."

Save "furious" for something important. It is not the school's fault he forgot his money.

My 3 dds have often forgotten their lunch money. I've never thought that asking the school for a loan was an option! Good idea though. They either ask a friend to share lunch, ask a friend to lend them the money, starve or phone me. Then I tell them to do one of the above.

FWIW I have a Yr8 DD and if she forgot her lunch money I would expect her to scrounge off her friends. She can be a bit scatty so it would be an excellent lesson for her.

Well I am very hormonal , the Rrraaaaaggghhhness is upon me.

agree, you shouldnt have gone and collected him, why not just take hima sandiwch or some money if he really couldnt get anything to eat from any of his friends?

By being furious about this, and by going to collect him and bring him home you are teaching him that he does not need to be responsible for his own belongings and that he should be bailed out everytime.

There was no reason for him to miss an afternoon of school at all

Your sone was offered a meal. However he had forgottne the money to pay for it. No right broken. Next time, he should phone you quicker for a sandwich or borrow from a mate.