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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious with school for refusing DS lunch?

221 replies

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 19:34

DS1 (12, year 8) left without his lunch money this morning.
He has forgotten it before, on rare occasion, and has borrowed £2 from school with a note in his organiser, and we repaid it the next day.

I get a text from him at lunchtime saying "The office wont lend me money cos they dont lend it anymore".

I text him "have you had lunch?"
No reply and no answer when I ring, so I ring the school and asked if they knew whether DS had eaten, they said they had no idea.
I asked if he had borrowed money from them, they said he hadnt been to reception and put me through to acting head, who also had no idea what had happened and said they would get him out of class, ask him and get back to me.

When I asked how long this may take, she said it may be a while, as she had other things to do!

I told her not to bother and said I was on my way to collect him as he was probably starving by now, and I didnt think that was conductive to a good learning environment.

I picked him up, and wrote on the sign-out sheet under 'reason' Denied lunch - hungry.

DS told me he had been to the office and they said it was no longer school policy and he couldnt have anything, and to take it up with Mrs D when she returned to school tomorrow. Tomorrow???

How the hell are kids supposed to learn when they are running on empty?
The reason a lot of schools have breakfast clubs on is because a lot of kids arent being given breakfast at home, and low blood sugar etc isnt a productive way to learn.

DS has cereal every morning, but if he was one of the kids who gets nothing, he would have had nothing since supper the night before.

I am fuming that he was just told, "No, sorry" without giving a damn (If we were on benifits with a free 'hub' card, it wouldnt be a problem, they would replace it).

OP posts:
Mutt · 28/01/2010 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nighbynight · 28/01/2010 20:48

yabu, he needs to remember his lunch money.
And a parent's job is to treat him in a way appropriate for his age, ie letting him learn lessons on his own.

5Foot5 · 28/01/2010 20:51

When DD started secondary (she is in Y9 now) it worried me a bit that she might go hungry if she forgot her dinner money. She can be a bit absent minded sometimes. Consequently we came to an arrangement where she keeps some "emergency" money in a special pocket in her bag for just such an occasion.

AFAIK the only time she has needed it was when someone nicked the money out of her blazer pocket in the PE changing room.

I am afraid I have to agree with the majority that Y were BU. DD would be mortified if I went in to the school for something like that.

clam · 28/01/2010 20:59

IT WAS NOT A POLICY. At best it was a favour done by the office staff in the past.

They don't have to inform parents that they will not be adhering any longer to a policy that didn't exist in the first place.

Anyway, what difference would it have made if you had have known they didn't lend money? Your DS would still have forgotten his money and been hungry.

foreveronadiet · 28/01/2010 21:14

OMG i cant believe you were so dramatic taking your son out of school! I would be very embarassed even telling people my daughter wouldnt speak to me if i did that!

puddinghead · 28/01/2010 21:28

I can just see the acting Head's face when this call got put through - in the middle of reprimanding Johnny, splitting up a fight and finding witnesses, dealing with a bullying issue, getting ready for a lesson obs. FFS of course she had no idea about your ds not having had lunch! And I bet the office staff thought you were barmy, how many kids in the school?

In future, why not check his bag the night before and put in an apple and a snack bar or put the money in yourself.

madamearcati · 28/01/2010 22:00

The school are in loco parentis .They have a duty to make sure he is fed.They should have given him a meal and then billed you !

puddinghead · 28/01/2010 22:09

Maybe if he had gone up and said he was really hungry, please sir etc. I expect they would have ensured he get something. I suspect he shrugged his shoulders and went off to play with his mates then the bell went and he forgot about being hungry till mum turned up and embarrassed him by getting him out of class.

pooexplosions · 28/01/2010 23:05

I'm pretty sure they do not have a duty to make sure each child is fed. How would that be possible?

Goblinchild · 28/01/2010 23:11

I had a quick google of 'in loco parentis' having been in that position many a time

'it allows institutions such as colleges and schools to act in the best interests of the students as they see fit,'

So, what if we see fit to try and encourage a child to take responsibility for their inaction by not giving them a free lunch? Being the opinion of many on the thread.

Original poster
BettySwollux · 29/01/2010 09:48

The policy is, a child goes to reception and says they have no money, staff then ring parents and ask them to drop in some cash, if this is not possible, a temporary card is given, if these have all gone, child is sent to see LC or HOY, who will sort something out.

pooexplosions, you wanted to know if I intend to teach him fairness?

Is it right or fair if someone decides to jump in front of you in a queue? No.
I would say, "excuse me, I was here first, would you mind joining the end of the line please?"
I would expect him to do the same.
Would you stand and shuffle your feet and hang your head then?

I dont find it fair that other children were helped that day with temp cards, etc, and my son was ignored when he asked for help.

Thats what I was annoyed about.

OP posts:
chenin · 29/01/2010 10:15

It sounds to me... (and correct me if I'm wrong) that you started to rely on the policy (be it official or unofficial) whereby your son could cadge some money for his lunch when (not if...) he forgot his dinner money.
You say you are annoyed... well, I think a lot of parents here are annoyed that Teachers, Head of Years or whatever have to prat around with inane problems like this, when they could actually be dealing with what really matters in a school. There are far too many parents who feel the school 'owe' them or something... as I said before it is a transient time and a learning curve and within a nano second your DS will have to motivate himself to learn and study, he will have to take responsibility for ALL his actions. A secondary school does NOT nanny the children.. it is totally different to primary school. And that is a good thing.

Casserole · 29/01/2010 10:34

Betty. Please quote us the document where this school policy is written. Otherwise stop calling it a policy!

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/01/2010 10:52

when ds,also yr 8,has forgotten his lunch money ,the canteen ladies just ask him to pay the next day -maybe he looks trustworthy !

lilylu22 · 29/01/2010 10:57

for goodness sake, at that age i was entirely responsible for packing my own lunch.

if i forgot / hadn't saved any of my allowance / was too lazy - i'd have to get my friends to buy me something or i'd get home after school and eat as much as possible.

it taught me a sense of responsibility. you are being far too precious.

bellavita · 29/01/2010 10:58

MAS - your ds is adorable - so that is probably why!

Original poster
BettySwollux · 29/01/2010 11:04

Casserole - This is how the policy was told to me by LC, I have no idea where to find the document, but I have been told that it is indeed a policy of DS school.

OP posts:
nappyaddict · 29/01/2010 11:22

YANBU - what if he was diabetic or had the tendency to faint.

bruffin · 29/01/2010 11:48

If he was diabetic or tendancy to faint he should have a snack on him at all times and the staff would know about his medical problems.
Just as my DS 14 who has allergies and still gets Febrile Convulsions carries paracetamol and anti histamine with him. He forgot his lunch card yesterday and used his pocketmoney to pay for lunch, apparently I owe him £2 Plenty of children miss lunch on the odd day for various reasons, they don't fade away.
Once DS had a det at lunch time and the teacher turned up half an hour late then made them stay for the full det on top so couldn't get lunch. I was annoyed at that but that was a small part of a bigger issue.

DD sometimes can't be bothered to queue up at break to get a takeaway lunch if she has a club.
If it is an everyday thing then it is an issue, but the odd missed lunch will not have done him harm.

Bettyswollux reaction of going to the school and taking him home was way OTT.

MaryAnnSingleton · 29/01/2010 12:00

aww thanks bellavita !

JustAnotherManicMummy · 29/01/2010 12:05

LMAO at OP's "The reason a lot of schools have breakfast clubs on is because a lot of kids arent being given breakfast at home"

Yeah, that's why. Nothing to do with providing a childcare facility for hard working parents... It's state intervention in children's diets

mayorquimby · 29/01/2010 12:07

"but FFS,even prisoners have their basic human rights met. "
ome on this must be a windup or else you are completely over-sensitive.
FWIW the school did not deny him any basic human rights as they do not have an obligation to feed him or be his personal piggy bank when he forgets his cash. So either you denied him his lunch by not ensuring he had his money or he denied himself by not bringing money in for food.

Brioche · 29/01/2010 12:14

OP - simple, you either blame yourself for not making sure he had his money or you blame him - no one else is responsible

5Foot5 · 29/01/2010 13:26

Like a previous poster I told DD (Y9) about this thread and she thought it was hilarious!
When any of her friends forget their money they all chip and lend a bit.

I joked about how she would feel if I went to remove her from her school for something like that and the response was a "Don't ever!! Don't ever DARE!!"

bruffin · 29/01/2010 13:29

Actually told DD yr7 as well (she who in post above rang me cos she lost lunch card) and got the same reaction as 5foot5 she said she would die of embarrassment. Will ask DS yr9 tonight.