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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious with school for refusing DS lunch?

221 replies

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 19:34

DS1 (12, year 8) left without his lunch money this morning.
He has forgotten it before, on rare occasion, and has borrowed £2 from school with a note in his organiser, and we repaid it the next day.

I get a text from him at lunchtime saying "The office wont lend me money cos they dont lend it anymore".

I text him "have you had lunch?"
No reply and no answer when I ring, so I ring the school and asked if they knew whether DS had eaten, they said they had no idea.
I asked if he had borrowed money from them, they said he hadnt been to reception and put me through to acting head, who also had no idea what had happened and said they would get him out of class, ask him and get back to me.

When I asked how long this may take, she said it may be a while, as she had other things to do!

I told her not to bother and said I was on my way to collect him as he was probably starving by now, and I didnt think that was conductive to a good learning environment.

I picked him up, and wrote on the sign-out sheet under 'reason' Denied lunch - hungry.

DS told me he had been to the office and they said it was no longer school policy and he couldnt have anything, and to take it up with Mrs D when she returned to school tomorrow. Tomorrow???

How the hell are kids supposed to learn when they are running on empty?
The reason a lot of schools have breakfast clubs on is because a lot of kids arent being given breakfast at home, and low blood sugar etc isnt a productive way to learn.

DS has cereal every morning, but if he was one of the kids who gets nothing, he would have had nothing since supper the night before.

I am fuming that he was just told, "No, sorry" without giving a damn (If we were on benifits with a free 'hub' card, it wouldnt be a problem, they would replace it).

OP posts:
muggglewump · 28/01/2010 14:05

So you'll let him walk 7 miles home but not let him go without lunch?

How weird.

Original poster
BettySwollux · 28/01/2010 14:12

As said previously, if I had taken a sandwich he would not have been allowed to eat it.

There is no formal policy for lending of lunch money, there is a system where they are loaned a card, but there were none left.
He was sent to see his learning co-ordinator, who he couldnt find.

I have in fact just got off the phone to her after ringing to apologise, and she said it was unacceptable that he didnt have lunch, he had slipped through the net, and apologised to me, saying she wouldnt work well without having lunch herself and would not expect a pupil to either.

I have always left his money on the fire, and it hasnt been a problem (obv apart from yesterday).

OP posts:
Original poster
BettySwollux · 28/01/2010 14:16

He does a lot of sport mugggle, he and a couple of friends sometimes decide to jog home as extra training if he has a big football match coming up.

If he has adequate fuel in his body, I dont see this as a problem.

OP posts:
funkybuddah · 28/01/2010 14:23

I left school in 98 and if we didnt take lunch or any money we had to blag off our friends, no money was ever lent so yes YABU either you or he shoudl be organised enough to remember and as you could get to him to take him home why not just take him some lunch?

I think YABU its not the schools place to provide money to feed your child, Ive only known this to happen at primary level.

princessparty · 28/01/2010 14:23

My boys' secondary school will loan lunch monet top kids who have forgotten/lost it but usually they just borrow from a friend.

But there are 2 conflicting stories .Your DS said he tried to borrow money and the office said he didn't ?

PixieOnaLeaf · 28/01/2010 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mattellie · 28/01/2010 14:33

DS (13) has diabetes so it isn?t safe for him to miss lunch, but it?s still his responsibility to make sure he has sufficient funds to pay for it. I don?t think it?s reasonable to expect the school to run around after him, checking up.

OTOH, he is very popular as he?s allowed his mobile phone in school in case of emergencies.

claw3 · 28/01/2010 14:35

Seems like the school needs to be told that the scheme is still in place, as she told your ds it was no longer school policy.

Then phoned you to say 'they had run out of cards'.

muggglewump · 28/01/2010 17:58

"He does a lot of sport mugggle, he and a couple of friends sometimes decide to jog home as extra training if he has a big football match coming up.

If he has adequate fuel in his body, I dont see this as a problem."

But that's not what you said, you said if he forgot his bus pass.

Also, do you really not think he'll have adequate fuel to get him through a school day without lunch?
You say he would be grumpy and the teachers wouldn't understand. Well why should they understand further then 'you forgot, your problem and you will be punished if you are rude/tired/grumpy when it's your own fault'

You are intent on blaming the School for his mistake, and he will know that and if he's anything like the teens I know and I was will play on it.

pigletmania · 28/01/2010 18:36

IMO you are being a bit ott, yes I see what you mean but he is an older child who should know better. If it had been a younger child say in lower Primary or reception than I would say that YANBU

Goblinchild · 28/01/2010 18:40

I want to find out what will happen next time he forgets. Like waiting for the next series to come out.

2shoes · 28/01/2010 18:46

By helliebean Thu 28-Jan-10 11:09:50
I wonder if this is because it is a boy? Just interested... not having one myself. My DDs would have died a thousand deaths rather than be pulled out of school because of no lunch. Their street cred would have plummeted massively and there is no way they would have come home with me.

ino no it isn't a boy thing, ds would have been mortified if I had done that.(not that I would have)

piratecat · 28/01/2010 18:47

yabu, because a school can't be 'expected' to give money to everyone who forgets theirs. It could add up to £££, and a ridiculous amount of time chasing debts. He is 12 not 7, and your reaction was ott, signing him out!!!

BUnderTheBonnet · 28/01/2010 18:54

This is insane.

YABU

pigletmania · 28/01/2010 19:01

Betty he is a big boy now not a young child, if that meant he was hungry all day than he will have learned his lesson not to forget his money. What would he have done in the real world as an adult if he had forgotten a wallet, he would have to remain hungry or blag off collegues.

MumGoneCrazy · 28/01/2010 19:25

My 15 year old brother often forgets his dinner money and just goes without until he gets home although the funny thing is that they are allowed out of school for dinner and my dad only lives a 2 minute walk from the school so i guess he's just too lazy.

Your son wont starve if he dont eat for 6-8hrs he could of easily waited until he got home and had a meal then.
As others have said it's a life lesson for him and he'll remember it next time.

Original poster
BettySwollux · 28/01/2010 19:30

No conflicting story, the learning co-ordinator told me he had been to reception, as she had spoken to colleage on duty. When I spoke to reception, DS had spoken to other receptionist, so 1st one didnt know IYSWIM.

LC was the one to tell me that school no longer loans money, but an emergency card system is in place. They still didnt ring me though. As LC had said, he slipped through the net.

Goblin, no need to wait for next time .
I can tell you now, that if it happens again, he will have to sort himself out. LC told me that if a child goes to her hungry, she will give them money from her own pocket if need be, and come hell or high water, she will hunt them down and be repaid . (not that I expect any member of staff to do that).

OP posts:
princessparty · 28/01/2010 19:31

6-8 hours at secondary school you are kidding !!
In rural areas Kids often leave home at 7.30 (therefore breakfast at 7) and aren't home til 5.
10 hours is too long without food.

clam · 28/01/2010 19:38

Ring you? You expect them to ring you, to say he hasn't eaten lunch?

Our (primary)school now has a policy of not ringing parents for anything less than an emergency, as everyone expects to be contacted on their mobiles, which costs a bloody fortune. Just to say, "oh, Billy hasn't got his PE Tshirt, can you bring it?"

StrictlyKatty · 28/01/2010 19:48

If it was primary school I would have bought my DS something in. I wouldn't have taken him out.

Secondary school I would expect him to lump it or borrow from friends.

Georgimama · 28/01/2010 19:52

I blame mobile phones for this nonsense. If I had forgotten my lunch money, to attempt to emulate the OP's son's actions I would have had to use the pay phone in the corridor to phone my mum at work (except that I wouldn't have been able to because I would have had no money) and my mum would have said "bring you a sandwich? Come and take you home? You're shitting me! Go and do some work and stop wasting my time! You do realise I'm a single parent with a bitch boss and I can't afford to come swaning into school at your beck and call?"

And she would have been absolutely right. And I wouldn't have phoned her because at 12, I already knew that.

Prinnie · 28/01/2010 19:53

I can see why you're but to be honest, it won't do him any harm as a one off - and he might not forget it again. At that age I missed lunch every day and horded the money so I could buy clothes! Time to let go!

Original poster
BettySwollux · 28/01/2010 20:10

No clam, I dont expect them to ring me to say he hasnt had lunch, I do, however, expect them to stick to their own policy.

OP posts:
harpsichordcarrier · 28/01/2010 20:14

YABU
School is for learning. It isn't a community centre and it isn't a prison.
He is year 8, he should learn to take some responsibility for himself.

Georgimama · 28/01/2010 20:24

But they didn't have a policy. In the past they had ad hoc loaned money to children who had forgotten theirs, but due to the number of children taking the piss and the fact of not actually being a bank, they decided to stop. That's not a policy.

You really can't conceive of the idea that the school did absolutely nothing wrong, can you?