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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be furious with school for refusing DS lunch?

221 replies

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 19:34

DS1 (12, year 8) left without his lunch money this morning.
He has forgotten it before, on rare occasion, and has borrowed £2 from school with a note in his organiser, and we repaid it the next day.

I get a text from him at lunchtime saying "The office wont lend me money cos they dont lend it anymore".

I text him "have you had lunch?"
No reply and no answer when I ring, so I ring the school and asked if they knew whether DS had eaten, they said they had no idea.
I asked if he had borrowed money from them, they said he hadnt been to reception and put me through to acting head, who also had no idea what had happened and said they would get him out of class, ask him and get back to me.

When I asked how long this may take, she said it may be a while, as she had other things to do!

I told her not to bother and said I was on my way to collect him as he was probably starving by now, and I didnt think that was conductive to a good learning environment.

I picked him up, and wrote on the sign-out sheet under 'reason' Denied lunch - hungry.

DS told me he had been to the office and they said it was no longer school policy and he couldnt have anything, and to take it up with Mrs D when she returned to school tomorrow. Tomorrow???

How the hell are kids supposed to learn when they are running on empty?
The reason a lot of schools have breakfast clubs on is because a lot of kids arent being given breakfast at home, and low blood sugar etc isnt a productive way to learn.

DS has cereal every morning, but if he was one of the kids who gets nothing, he would have had nothing since supper the night before.

I am fuming that he was just told, "No, sorry" without giving a damn (If we were on benifits with a free 'hub' card, it wouldnt be a problem, they would replace it).

OP posts:
TheFirstLady · 27/01/2010 19:53

And WRT my first post, why didn't you just bring him in a sandwich rather than signing him out of school?

pointydug · 27/01/2010 19:54

Also, my dd would be mad with me for making such a fuss at her school. I'd never hear the end of it.

BooHooo · 27/01/2010 19:54

what thirtypence said

DidntTryVeryHard · 27/01/2010 19:54

I think that yanbu for being pissed off that the school should have enabled him to have lunch, it seems really stupid that they don't do this. Otoh, you seem to have totally over reacted, so from that pov yabu

IcedBum · 27/01/2010 19:54

YABU. It's not a human right to be given lunch if you can't pay for it. It would be fantastic if it were, but it isn't.

Writing snotty remarks like "denied lunch - hungry" is not going to do you or him any favours. He wasn't denied lunch, you didn't give him the money, or he forgot it, it whatever. If my son did the same I'd expect him to remember his money the next day, and I wouldn't be teaching him that he had an entitlement to borrow money from someone whenever he needed it.

FWIW I do have a son of similar age, and he's very scatty and forgets things all the time, so I do have some experience of this and I know what a pain it is, but to blame the school is bonkers.

compo · 27/01/2010 19:54

yabvu

you could have driven to him and given him a sandwich

instead you took him home

how is that teaching him anything?

minipie · 27/01/2010 19:54

YABU. Schools don't have a duty to feed pupils for free. And being hungry for an afternoon wouldn't have killed him. the school should have sent some sort of notification round to say the policy had changed, but maybe they did and your son just didn't read it/forgot?

Morloth · 27/01/2010 19:54

School finishes at 3ish doesn't it? He forgot his lunch money so he skipped lunch, it happens. Really not seeing the issue here. He can't concentrate after missing one meal at the age of 12/13? What is going to happen if he is busy at work and can't get away for lunch until late?

MayorNaze · 27/01/2010 19:55

take some evening primrose oil

upahill · 27/01/2010 19:55

An over the top reaction from you I'm afraid BettyS... He's not going to keel over or be malnurished.

You collecting him from school and writing that is frankly barmy. Ok he made a mistake and forgot. My lad has forgot to take his butty's in a couple of times in year 8 but his mates chipped in and lent him a couple of quid till next day.

It is not the schools responsibility to make sure he has money and/or food. It is his and yours. Stop blaming everyone else.

Your son has not learnt the consequences of his forgetfulness. He has learned mum will bail him out and act like an ejit in front of reception!

bellavita · 27/01/2010 19:55

YABU.

It is secondary school... they are students, not little ones at primary school.

DS1 is now Yr8 but when we had our inset day thing before they went into Yr7, the staff made it clear that because they were new and yes things were forgotten sometimes when everything is different and there is so much to remember that they would on a couple of occasions lend them their dinner money, but it was made very clear that this would not happen many times and certainly not in Yr8 and above.

I work in a secondary school and the amount of parents that come storming in because Billy has lost his shoes and it must be the schools fault or Norman has forgotten his homework and he is going to get a telling off if mum doesn't bring it in or Eddie cannot do his detention tonight because he is playing football ...... some parents cannot grasp that they are old enough to suffer the consequences.

RichardGereandtheGuineaPigs · 27/01/2010 19:55

This thread is going to fall into two camps.

Life lesson learned.

Or

OMG how could they do that to my Wayne/Kayne/Jayden insert as applicable........

Guess which children will stand on their own feet and make a valuable contribution to society. ??

gingernutlover · 27/01/2010 19:55

i am guessing the reason for the office replacing hub cards is that they have a supply of these to issue replacements, and it probably doesnt cost them anything to do so.

I am also guessing they dont have a pot of money to dole out to eevery child who forgets their dinner money, thats why they wouldnt give him any.

pointydug · 27/01/2010 19:55

oh, I missed that re being signed out of school

compo · 27/01/2010 19:57

when we were at secondary school we used to eat our sandwiches at break so didn't have anything from 10ish until 3.30pm
and the boys who played footie all lunchtime ate their sarnies on the bus on the way home
no one fainted

Sparkletastic · 27/01/2010 19:59

YABU

Presume 'Hub' cards are replaced for children on free school meals therefore statutory responsibility for the LEA to pay for their cards / meals and not a debt that the school has to finance.

DS needs to grow up and borrow money from pal or call you. You need to chill out.

thesecondcoming · 27/01/2010 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clam · 27/01/2010 19:59

How big is this school? You rang up and expected someone in the office, as well as the Head Teacher to know whether your son had eaten lunch??? Seriously? And when she said she'd find out for you, you rudely said, "don't bother."

This issue is entirely of your son's making. He's old enough, in Year 8, to suffer the consequences of his own actions. How's he going to learn if he's got his mum and half the office staff, including the Head, running round after him checking he's not hungry.

Jamie's school dinners campaign was teaching about the importance of a balanced diet. Don't think his message is relevant to your situation here.

FWIW, my DS recently missed lunch because he was in trouble with the PE teacher over mislaid kit - a kind of detention, I guess. He therefore missed his lunch as the teacher forgot to dismiss him from his "punishment." Yes, he was hungry, and he whinged about it after school as he wolfed down sandwiches when he got in, but sympathy from me was in short supply. I would never have dreamt of complaining to the school about it. It didn't kill him, and he sure as hell makes sure he has his PE kit with him now. Job done.

Wolliw · 27/01/2010 20:00

YANBU
I would ask to see in writing their policy of letting children go hungry in this situation, which can't be that uncommon. Then send said policy to your local councillor and LEA, MP if necessary.

Kick ass. This was well out of order.

Fruitysunshine · 27/01/2010 20:00

When DS was at secondary school he would occasionally to take money with him for lunch.

He would go to the office and ask for a sub which they would do but I always sent the money in the next day - after all it is not their responsibility to ensure my child is fed at lunchtime! That is down to me by ensuring he takes in either lunch money or a pack lunch.

By giving him the loan they were being helpful to me and DS.

I think YABU.

AuntieMaggie · 27/01/2010 20:00

Yep agree YABU unless he has a reason he has to eat regularly.

It's one of those things that happens. I've done it at 12/13.

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/01/2010 20:00

This is absurd:

"I picked him up, and wrote on the sign-out sheet under 'reason' Denied lunch - hungry"

"If we were on benifits with a free 'hub' card, it wouldnt be a problem, they would replace it)"

"FFS,even prisoners have their basic human rights met"

Seriously, does this really register on your radar as something to raise your blood pressue over?

The schools cannot lend £2 out willy nilly - I imagine that 80% of the time they would not get it back, the school staff haven't got the time to chase it up and that will mount up very quickly. Far simpler to have a blanket ban on lending money.

He is 12. It was one lunch. He will not starve and his education will not have suffered - his projected GCSE grades will not be affected.

Dd has lost her lunch money in the past, I didn't go shrieking up to the school in a mad panic and start banging on about human rights.

Jesus wept

IcedBum · 27/01/2010 20:00

When they get to 12 you really do have to stop helping them out. It's hard but it really is better for them in the long run. I have to make myself NOT pick up clothes from the bedroom floor, NOT do the "have you got your..." list before he leaves the house. He'll thank you for it in the long run.

Well he probably won't but his missus might!

stressheaderic · 27/01/2010 20:01

Think you are being a bit precious to be honest.
If my child called me in the day, I'd be at work and would tell them "well you'll just have to ask one of your mates or hang on til after school"...3.15 (or thereabouts) isn't too late to occasionally eat lunch, sometimes I don't get to eat until this time during the working day.
I'd probably try to collect them after school if poss with a sandwich/snack in the car, but taking them out of lessons for the afternoon (did he go back?) and being a bit catty with your response in the sign-out book was a bit unnecessary.

I think sometimes parents forget about the shift from Primary to Secondary....in secondary, there are potentially over 1000 students, who all have to learn to take responsibility for themselves.

IcedBum · 27/01/2010 20:02

Write to your MP??? wtf