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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be furious with school for refusing DS lunch?

221 replies

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 19:34

DS1 (12, year 8) left without his lunch money this morning.
He has forgotten it before, on rare occasion, and has borrowed £2 from school with a note in his organiser, and we repaid it the next day.

I get a text from him at lunchtime saying "The office wont lend me money cos they dont lend it anymore".

I text him "have you had lunch?"
No reply and no answer when I ring, so I ring the school and asked if they knew whether DS had eaten, they said they had no idea.
I asked if he had borrowed money from them, they said he hadnt been to reception and put me through to acting head, who also had no idea what had happened and said they would get him out of class, ask him and get back to me.

When I asked how long this may take, she said it may be a while, as she had other things to do!

I told her not to bother and said I was on my way to collect him as he was probably starving by now, and I didnt think that was conductive to a good learning environment.

I picked him up, and wrote on the sign-out sheet under 'reason' Denied lunch - hungry.

DS told me he had been to the office and they said it was no longer school policy and he couldnt have anything, and to take it up with Mrs D when she returned to school tomorrow. Tomorrow???

How the hell are kids supposed to learn when they are running on empty?
The reason a lot of schools have breakfast clubs on is because a lot of kids arent being given breakfast at home, and low blood sugar etc isnt a productive way to learn.

DS has cereal every morning, but if he was one of the kids who gets nothing, he would have had nothing since supper the night before.

I am fuming that he was just told, "No, sorry" without giving a damn (If we were on benifits with a free 'hub' card, it wouldnt be a problem, they would replace it).

OP posts:

PotPourri · 27/01/2010 20:25

I think it's a disgrace. It's not like he is doing it every other day. The school should lend it if the child has forgotten it. That is what DDs school do, and I am very pleased about that too! Write a letter to the head , contact your MP and if you feel like it, contact the local paper.

bellavita · 27/01/2010 20:26

Oooh clam - don't get me started on that one.

Goes like this....

Ring Ring...

me - G'morning ..........

parent - Billy has txted me or rung me he is not well.

me - err has he gone to his head of year and said he ain't well?

parent - well no, but he said he has a headache so I am coming in to get him.

me - hmmm, actually, no you are not because there are procedures to follow and your billy should not be making calls whilst on a toilet break.

GetOrfMoiLand · 27/01/2010 20:26

Ooh muggle that was a cheeky move scrounging from the school secretaries to boost your booze fund.

Wish I had thought of that one

Original poster

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 20:28

mustrunmore, you have it spot on, feel a complete tit now.

I guess I do need to be a bit more hands off, it's just hard letting go I suppose.

I am still annoyed that school used to lend money, now dont seem to give a shit, but very at my overreaction.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 27/01/2010 20:38

Why didn't you check he had his dinner money the night before? Negligence on your part I feel.
I would have phoned you and informed you of the situation asap and left you to sort out the problem.
If you want schools to lend money, they should charge interest and take his phone as security.

anastaisia · 27/01/2010 20:38

Do think that if it is policy not to lend children money there needs to be some other system in place for families to pay in advance or something. And wouldn't be unreasonable to suggest that to the school.

And do think that if it used to be policy to loan money and that changed a note should have gone out to parents saying so - so if you have children who forget things you can make sure they aren't forgetting their lunch money every day of the week.

But also think you over-reacted a bit and going without lunch for one day probably wasn't a reason for leaving school (dropping food or money in maybe)

Goblinchild · 27/01/2010 20:45

'Write a letter to the head , contact your MP and if you feel like it, contact the local paper.'

The MP will be the most sympathetic, they are used to getting something for nothing.

cory · 27/01/2010 20:46

anastasia, I think you are missing the fact that these are big children, quite old enough to be responsible for their own lunch; they should not need a system where mummy pays for them in advance (I have a dd the same age)

If I forget my handbag when I go into town it is not the responsibility of McDonalds to feed me for free. I may have human right, but this is not one of them.

Original poster

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 20:48

Have asked school if we can do a prepayment system, they said no, it's just for people getting benefits.

And no, he's not called Kayden. (Or anything else a bit silly)

OP posts:

clam · 27/01/2010 20:52

Ours does, for everyone. Top up with money or a cheque onto a smart card. Still means the kids have to remember to top it up or they run out of funds.

Tough luck if they forget.

Original poster

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 20:52

I wouldnt ask them to feed him for free.
On the couple of occasions he has borrowed money I have repaid it the next day.
If they want to charge interest, that's fine, but I do think there should have been a note or something that they werent doing this anymore.

And by the time I got there lunch time was over, so dropping money or a sandwich in wouldnt have made any difference.

OP posts:

pooexplosions · 27/01/2010 20:53

Did you read the bit back where you are incredulous that the head had better things to do than find out if one pupil had lunch? You should hope she had better things to do, like maybe running a school?

Ouch. Bet you're scarlet now you think about it?

anastaisia · 27/01/2010 20:53

But they are still children, still the responsibility of their parents and not all children have the same level of ability. What if you have a child with minor (or worse) learning difficulties and you KNOW that they forget things, and you KNOW that they don't learn from punishments or the natural consequences of forgetting. They may not need so much help that they would get special help with things, but they might just need that little bit of extra support from their parents to manage in the same way your DD does.

So the school should offer some alternative - if they use cards for free lunches could families not buy cards for paid for lunches for a term that could be replaced.

If you forget your handbag when you'd gone out to town, I imagine you'd turn round and go home. But a child in school can't do that, and while I don't think the OPs reaction was proportionate I'm aware that children do react differently and need different levels of support and think its sensible for a school to consider this when they change policies on something.

clam · 27/01/2010 20:54

Why should the school lend money? They're not a bank. And what message would they be sending to the kids about money-management and responsibility if they bailed people out left, right and centre? 'Specially as they're highly unlikely to get it all back.

Georgimama · 27/01/2010 20:57

If he forgot his lunch money on more than one occasion, how do you know there wasn't a note but he just forgot to give it to you?

Anyway how did he forget his lunch money? Did you in fact forget to give it to him - is that why you're so cross?

Goblinchild · 27/01/2010 21:00

'But they are still children, still the responsibility of their parents and not all children have the same level of ability. What if you have a child with minor (or worse) learning difficulties and you KNOW that they forget things, and you KNOW that they don't learn from punishments or the natural consequences of forgetting. They may not need so much help that they would get special help with things, but they might just need that little bit of extra support from their parents to manage in the same way your DD does.'

Yes, my son has sn. That's why I check he has his PE kit, lunch, memory stick, mobile and homework the night before. Perhaps the OP's son should go for a packed lunch.

cat64 · 27/01/2010 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 21:06

DS doesnt have any learning difficulties, just a bit forgetful.
I agree re the alternative payment system, but they wont do it.

Why should the school lend money? It's their choice to do so or not, but I do think that if they changed the policy on it, that should be known to parents. And I have paid back every time.

I spoke to two staff members and neither mentioned that they dont lend money now.

I asked him if there was any notes he hadnt given me (I dont search his bag - not that helicopterish) or if he knew about policy change, he said no.

I gave him money last night, on the fire with a drink, like every night.
This morning, he picked up his drink and left his money (D'oh).

OP posts:

anabellapity · 27/01/2010 21:08

oh, isn't be better off not eating that muck - i am still not convinced how the roast lamb with gravy, mash and a single spoonful of carrots/broccoli meets 19 different nutritional criteria (per the change 4 life booklet). ds would not eat a quarter of that anyway though would more likely eat a sandwich with sardines, apple bran muffins and fruit salad from his lunchbox

Original poster

BettySwollux · 27/01/2010 21:10

Not a bad choice at his school now, not like when we were kids, semolina and jam, anyone?

OP posts:

Georgimama · 27/01/2010 21:11

Perhaps handing him the money as he walks out of the door would avoid taking up the school's time with these dramas?

usualsuspect · 27/01/2010 21:12

I loved school dinners especially the cheese flan and the chocolate tart

anabellapity · 27/01/2010 21:15

Do you know what they say in Australia about not eating brown food unless ... well, there was a lot of brown food in ds' school menu the last time i checked

clam · 27/01/2010 21:20

I've yet to meet a child who will own up to ever having set eyes on a letter from school. In my class (Year 5) I make them write their names on all letters, as I hand them out. They still deny ownership when I find them on the cloakroom floor.

clam · 27/01/2010 21:24

And actually, I don't suppose it's technically a change of policy by the school. I doubt they had it written down anywhere that "we'll lend money to anyone who rolls up at the office and asks for it." They probably used to unofficially help kids out in emergencies, then realised it was happening more and more, with many (not the OP, obviously ) forgetting to pay it back , so decided they'd no longer do it.

Wouldn't therefore warrant an official letter to parents (paper/photocopying costs for 1000 kids is huge), as most would not ever have been aware it had been happening

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