to think there's a case for complying with a DH's sexual fantasy,even if you're NOT really up for it?

[WashwithCare]

Had lunch with some friends today, and this was the discussion.

20 years ago, I would have said NO WAY - sex should be totally mutual, pleasurable to both etc...

However, now I'm not so sure. My mate's H has hinted he would like to try X. My mate is OMG - NO!

However, she says she is still thinking about it... DH has been her love for 10 years. He has supported her. Never minded having virtually no sex for 2 years after a difficult birth and PND. Told her she was gorgeous and supported her fully every day....

So she is pondering whether he "deserves" X for super good behaviour - and because (we know he is the most faithful H ever) he is not going to get it ever, less she relents!

So I started off saying NO WAY - but as she spoke perhaps think her position isn't that unreasonable... But I am huge and hormonal... so what do I know!

Go on then - what is X?

As long as it doesn't cause you pain, humiliation and is legal I don't see what the harm is indulging him even if it isn't something you'd like to do usually.

Well IMO he doesn't 'deserve' sex for not putting pressure on her when she was suffering from PND or being faithful. I would expect that from a loving partner.

However if she feels comfortable with what he is suggesting then no harm in trying, she might even like it

I agree, it depends what it is. But I can see her point...as long as the woman's not a doormat, constantly doing things against their will, I think that indulging each other now and again is great.

Is it something that would cause her pain/gross her out, or just something she's not turned on by? Makes a difference, I think.

Depends what X is.

I think if it is something she might enjoy then she should give it a try with the proviso that he stops as soon as she says she isn't enjoying it/it hurts/she is repulsed etc.

Chatter, I agree with you but perhaps it's more that he 'deserves' a little indulgence for being such a loving partner!

Yes, I think everyone should do X for their partner.

Absolutely.

People should just be machines to fulfill others' desires.

No. No one 'deserves' sex or sexual favour because they've been a good boy. Unbelievably bloody stupid. No good boy would want it unless wife/partner was as up for it as they were surely?

He deserves to have his fantasies listened to without scorn but if wife not interested so be it.

I mean it could be going to a massage parlour with him, paying for him to be straddled by a 60 year old and watching.

Different strokes for different folks.

arf expat.

she's right you know.

What is X?

Ecstasy. In the US, it means ecstasy.

Everyone says sex on X is grand.

So I think your friend should do it, Wash. Tell her I said so.

Cannot answer without knowing what X is.

X ... err.. it was a huge evening long fantasy scenario ... which she didnt' really go into exactly. Some of it was sounded really innocuous, like he wanted to take her to dinner wearing no underwear (her I assume - not him.... though who knows? Maybe both of them....) and order her meal for her. I thought this would be hilarious, and I would be no good, as I would giggle unbearably through out - though i did once manage to go to dinner with DH with no underwear, but only because I forgot, and often order "what he had"

but the finale and the bit that seem to bother her was probably better represented with an A, rather than an X - if you get my meaning!

She wasn't particularly keen on this idea herself, and wanted to know if any of us had, and if it hurt

We did suggest pick and mix - but she seemed to think that doing the whole thing was really important....

gotta be bodily functions I reckon. a simple bumsex thread would go down a treat, got to have a higher gross factor than that and there's nothing more cack that having someone shit on you.

At least, that's what expat told me.

Another bumsex thread.

4!

pick and mix?

Like doing in in Woolworths?

Well, I guess it's ok to give it a go to find out whether it's actually fun for both. If it turns out to be really no fun at all, then of course it's ok to say "No".

Depends on the fantasy, though, I guess. I'd be game for pretty much anything, unless other people would be involved, which straight away is a dealbreaker and I wouldn't even won't to find out whether I might enjoy it.

But I guess different people have different threshholds

LOL, Pff. I had a friend whose lover did the whole 'lemme fuck you up the ass' thing.

And she said only if he would do it first.

And he already had! He was bi!

She still didn't do it, though.

How very, very 2009.

I think it depends very much on how much he is prepared to pay.

Personally I operate with a defined pricing structure which I display on the back of the bedroom door. I feel this is the fairest way.

The whole escort bit, with him displaying controlling behaviour and bumsex would be...

About £2000. Assuming cost of dinner included within the price

I definitely think she should bugger him first. After all, it is more enjoyable for men to be buggered.

My personal take is, if you want to experiment - probably not best to have a 4 hour lead in and bondage accompanient...

I dont' think she thinks she owes him because she had PND and he was a rock - he was...

I think what she means is she feels connected to him in a deeper way... oh dear.. this epxlanation is going so badly...

It still wouldn't help me... I would be giggling through the chocolate mouse...

But really ladies... bugger is such a loaded word - lmfao, iyswim

ROFL at hf128219 2009 indeed!

Exactly, Milly. And you know, pegging is the new bumsex and all.