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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

333 replies

kellze · 22/01/2010 15:22

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

OP posts:
FimBOW · 22/01/2010 15:25

No leave it. Your fiance has dealt with it and he has been honest with you. I assume you are in the UK and she is in Australia?

If he is on facebook, I would if it was me be asking him to block her.

porcamiseria · 22/01/2010 15:25

kill the bitch! she is just trying her luck. Not nice for you to know stuck at home pregnant though....

Id consider sending her a nasty bitchy email, but thats what I am like!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/01/2010 15:25

No. Why would you? What will she say that would make you happy? Your fiance responded appropriately, I assume you don't live in Aus, end of story

FimBOW · 22/01/2010 15:26

Wow-bit of a difference in opinion here...

SilveryMoon · 22/01/2010 15:26

I wouldn't bother asking her tbh.
You said you have complete trust in him and so on. Leave it at that. What would you gain from asking her why she's doing it? Nothing.

I once told a married man I was having an affair with (I was single but still not an excuse, very ashamed of myself now) that I was in love with him.
What would I have said to his wife if she confronted me? I really don't know, but I wouldn't have been nice.

Why did you fiance tell you she's saying this to him? Or was it someone else?

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 15:29

My fiance and I have spoken about it and he doesn't much care if i say anything.

Today on facebook she posted a status saying for next 24 hours she is being totally honest and if anyone wants to ask any question she will answer it honestly. Silly cow.

I would love to be bitchy but until/unless I get an answer I don't think I can. But God I want to.

OP posts:
RonaldMcDonald · 22/01/2010 15:29

leave it

BitOfFun · 22/01/2010 15:31

I'd be glad he was open with me and trust him to deal with it. She won't be thinking of you- all's fair in love and war and all that. If you contact her she will just feel sorry for him marrying a harpy and keep at it.

I know you're NOT a harpy, but that will be all it would achieve.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 15:32

He told me she says these things because I asked, she has always kind of lurked in the background and whilst we were here in UK there was no problem. She even wants to be front row at our wedding in Aus. (Cue 'It Should Have Been Me'song)

OP posts:
Morloth · 22/01/2010 15:32

Why are you on her Facebook?

Just forget it, she thought she would try her luck. No good, your fiancé has told her what he should have.

Madness to get into a catfight over a total non-event.

SilveryMoon · 22/01/2010 15:33

Kellze just laugh at the silly cow.

YouAintSinMeRight · 22/01/2010 15:33

Good gracious, a woman who has never met you and rarely sees your partner told him she loves him. Perhaps she thought, as he's over there without you, that she was in with a chance. I am assuming she hasn't pestered him?

Just leave it....why is he there without you?

That facebook honesty thing is something many people are doing, it is not for the benefit of your dp.

AMumInScotland · 22/01/2010 15:33

In your title you say she "keeps telling him" this, but your OP sounds like it's something she has done just once, on the first time she's seen him in years. Which is it?

If she has just done it the once, I don't think there is any point in you contacting her about it - she maybe felt he was "the one that got away" and she'd never have another chance to tell him, which she would always regret just in case he felt the same.

But if she keeps on telling him this stuff, then I'd suggest he avoids contact, as I'd be more worried she was a bit obsessive. But I still wouldn't contact her myself.

Marne · 22/01/2010 15:34

I would leave it, your dp is not interested which is what matters.

joanne34 · 22/01/2010 15:37

kellze Fri 22-Jan-10 15:32:07
He told me she says these things because I asked, she has always kind of lurked in the background and whilst we were here in UK there was no problem. She even wants to be front row at our wedding in Aus. (Cue 'It Should Have Been Me'song)

I have a Touche to that song ' Brandy ' ' The boy is mine ! '

Dont worry about the ole bint !

morningpaper · 22/01/2010 15:39

Um so they all went out, got drunk (I assume) and she confessed that she lurved him? So what? You should be flattered. Why are you angry?

I don't understand what you are worried about and why you are stalking her on FB?

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 15:39

I am on her facebook because I am too flipping nice. I posted some photos of baby scan (tacky) and some of his friends wanted to see so they added me including this wench.

DP is in Aus because of visiting friends and family before our baby is born as we won't be able to afford it for a while.

He has seen her twice since being back in Aus and had same conversation with her. Previously while he was over here, he would receive emails and phone calls from her about same thing. I never snooped, he told me because I would go mental if he kept it from me.

We are moving to Aus at some point after baby is born and really don't want this to be an issue when I am there.

OP posts:
Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 15:40

I'm honestly not stalking her on FB

OP posts:
morningpaper · 22/01/2010 15:41

Just de-friend her if it bothers you

If your husband finds it annoying, then he doesn't have to see her

RonaldMcDonald · 22/01/2010 15:45

honestly no good comes from facebook...

DuelingFanjo · 22/01/2010 15:45

why are you torturing yourself by looking at her facebook?

Has he deleted her from his facebook friends?

notanumber · 22/01/2010 15:46

How has she "lurked in the background"? Was this when you were in Australia too, in which case do you know her? Have you ever met her? Seems not if you are only FB friends by accident....

Presumably if she is invited to your wedding she must a reasonably good friend of your fiancé though?

Marne · 22/01/2010 15:46

I have been in a similar situation to your DP, a very close friend told me he loved me when i was pg with dd1 (just before dh and i got married), i stayed friends with him and he came to our wedding, after the wedding we stayed in touch until he met someone and then he didn't want to know. Dh knew that he was in love with me but accepted that i had turned him down several times (once before dh and i were together) and was happy for him to be at the wedding and for us to stay friends.

As long as its only a one way thing (she loves him, he doesn't love her) then its not a problem, she will get over it and find someone else.

AMumInScotland · 22/01/2010 15:46

Well, I would say it's really up to your husband to make it clear to her that she has no chance, he doesn't think of her that way, and he'd rather she focussed on something else. If she phones simply to say she loves him, he should say "end of conversation" and hang up. Same reply to any emails - or else just delete them.

Morloth · 22/01/2010 15:46

The very second you start engaging her about this is the minute she has "won", she will become a part of your relationship. Much better to just ignore and ask your DH to do the same. Polite if she is there as part of a group but there is no reason for any further interaction at all.