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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

333 replies

kellze · 22/01/2010 15:22

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/01/2010 18:29

'it means you have the financial ability to be responsible for your children and try to avoid men who are in penury. It rarely pays.'

Xenia, I believe you have a very valid point in this.

princessparty · 24/01/2010 18:56

Kellze _ I'm really sorry to have to say this but sometimes you are just too close to see the wood for the trees
I think your DP has got cold feet, I don't think he has any intentoin of coming back to you.
Please don't follow him to the other side of the world

thesecondcoming · 24/01/2010 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

princessparty · 24/01/2010 19:22

and a cynic would say that he has told you about this woman's unrequited love so that when she starts saying he has shagged her ,you put it down to sour grapes.What do you think all this FB honesty-fest is about ?

abitchilly · 24/01/2010 20:27

Btw your DS won't do SATs in Y9 as they no longer exist for that age group. Even if they did, they were an irrelevance to him in terms of a 'qualification'.

I don't know about the education system in Australia, but moving when he's 14 at the end of Y9 is surely possible.

Are you expecting a DD or a DS? You've said both in different posts unless I've misread.

I do wish you luck for the future.

notanumber · 24/01/2010 20:34

Kellze, I'm sorry you're upset. I hope that you can see that for the most part posters have been trying to offer help and support. Sometimes it's those things are hard to have to hear though, I understand.

I have to say though that I find it quite interesting that last night (before you talked with your partner) you were feeling (understandably) unhappy but open to people's concerns, saying that it had given you lots to think about and made you aware of issues that you definitely had to raise with him.

Now that you've talked about this thread with him (and he has read it himself) you are really angry and defensive, refusing to countenance any suggestion that his behaviour may not have been in your best interests or that the plans for your future - while great for him - may not be ideal for you and children.

I also note that you haven't really been able or willing to answer the questions about how your partner responded to the concerns and worries and how exactly he defended his actions as the right thing to do.

It seems like a further example of his certainty that his behaviour is beyond question and that you are the unreasonable one for even hinting that it might be. This seems worryingly subtle too - I'm not saying that he's an agressive bully who has shouted you down. More that he has smooth talked and evaded and excused (again?) and you seem to have bought it completely (again?).

No-one wants to upset you for kicks, honestly. I've felt a great deal of genuine concern for you and your children on this thread.

I very much hope that this situation works out for you Kellze, and I would be delighted to eat my words in two years time if you resurrected this thread to tell us how wrong we were. Please understand that the advice you have been given has been for the most part well intentioned and born of concern for your welfare.

scottishmummy · 24/01/2010 20:51

Kellze,what a sad predicament.have read thread and goodness me love is most certainly clouding your judgement.to the point of deluded

sorry to be blunt but croc dundee is an avoidant immature lad who is fannying about having fun whilst you are alone and 5+ month pg with his baby

you clearly have resilience and strength,as you are already a single mum.time to dig deep and draw upon those resources likely to be rocky times ahead

do not emigrate for this man-boy
dont uproot your on son
if you remain adamant about your errant fiancé you need to set him some clear and firm boundaries.start with he gets a job and hangs around

kellze · 25/01/2010 00:44

Fair enough peeps. But I do think we should leave it there. Thank you all for your honesty, brutal fair and otherwise and I am still taking any advice and concerns on board.

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