to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

[kellze]

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

I do tend to keep my eyes hut, and thanks for your honesty, but I may be trying to make light of it at times. We do have things to sort out but it is mostly the logistics of our relationship, ie where to live and planning for the future. I try to keep everyone sweet but since I met him have been more vocal about what I want and how we go about achieving it. He is almost always happy to do what I want and when he isn't, I still manage to get it somehow. he is a very good man and loves me dearly, and I am not afraid to create hell if I have to.

And tbh if I could have been bumming around before baby arrives I would have jumped at the chance. But now, he is coming back and totally ready to settle down etc. He did want us to move there before baby was born but I said that would be too hard/stressful and we needed the time here first and for me to say bye to family and friends. He is more than happy with that and is desperately looking forward to coming back to the 3 of us.

If you do marry and emigrate, it will be with your 11 year old too?

Kellze, talk about all this with him when he gets back. I dont agree that he is necessarily immature, or just 'doing the right thing'. And what's wrong with the 'right thing' anyway? Perhaps he has found his perfect partner in you, and actually wants to have a family with you.

It does happen like that for lots of people.

Of course it's rough that he has missed lots of the pregnancy but I assume that means you can be together permanently once the baby arrives.

The fact that he has told you about the crazy ex just means that he is honest and shares everything with you. How wonderful!

I'm not getting the alarm bells about this that some of the other posters are getting - so just contributing to provide balance.

I'm sure he will set your mind at rest in a week .

Blinder- everything you have said is exactly what he says and how he feels.

But I still hate that his ex is trying something. I don't care how sad and lonely she is

Money has stopped him coming back sooner as well as other reasons such as uni.. We borrowed money from IL's to get him back

Sounds awful doesn't it.

Really he did try to get work over there but no one wanted to know seeing as he wasn't going to be there long.

What no even fruit picking etc? My brother makes a fortune every year in Queensland. Bumming around and fruit picking.

I feel quite bad about this, because I don't want to undermine your confidence. But the more you post the more bell rings and red flags wave.

Hopefully I/we are wrong!

kellse, what's the timescale on this?

1. You met him here in the UK shortly before he was about to return permanantly to Australia, yes? When was this? A year ago?

2. So he kept postponing his flight - for how many months?

3. Then you found out you were pregnant - how soon after meeting was this?

4. Then he prosposes - when you got the BFP?

5. At this point - when you were ten weeks pregnant (so about six weeks after finding out that you are having a baby) - he does eventually leave for Australia, despite the fact that you are all emigrating there and the wedding (which is soon, presumably) will be there

6. He stays in Australia "bumming around" for four months and is feeding you lots of information about a predatory ex.

7. He is due back in the UK - when?

Apologies if I've got any of that wrong, I just wanted to double check as I'm getting all muddled (got baby brain myself!)

I'm not trying to catch you out, by the way. I'm just trying to get it straight in my head.

Its ok, it is good to hear any point of view. I honestly don't mind. But obviously I hope you are wrong too.

He worked up to 60 hours a week whilst here so I'm not worried about him being lazy etc.

How is it you have a visa in place but then earlier you said it could be a while before you moved to Oz?

Visas cost a lot of money and are a hassle.

And they have a finite time period initially.

So how is it you have a visa, a timed visa, for a place you don't even know when you're moving there?

This all sounds made up, IMO.

Best of luck.

This chap sounds like a loser.

If I were you I'd tell this ex she's welcome to him.

Yeah, together 17 months, kept postponing ticket (and Uni place because then that would mean he applied for the place whilst in the UK, which makes no sense if he was already postponing going back before of the OP), then left but couldn't get back to the UK, she went through all the visa paperwork and hassle (believe me, folks, it's a nightmare!) but doesn't know when they'll move (and he postponed the uni place so it's at least a year away).

Sorry, this isn't adding up.

She's ot gonna be as sad and lonely as you, pregnant and abandoned, is she? What is he thinking?

Notanumber

we met 11/9/08

he was supposed to leave Dec 08, put it off until feb 09, put it off until sep 09. Couldnt put it off any longer else would lose money for flights

BFP Jul 09

left for aus Sep 09

Proposed Oct 09

Wedding later this year

As for ex, don't honestly think he thought any more about it until i got upset and gave him 3rd degree about what she had said. He is not at all bothered about her but it bugs me a lot that she keeps telling him this stuff

expat, totally not made up. Visa is paid for and we have 9 months from date of visa to get married, but only have to visit oz before wedding, not live there, wedding is booked for july 31st. after which we can stay here for a while or move straight out there. depends on how |I feel tbh.