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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

333 replies

kellze · 22/01/2010 15:22

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 22/01/2010 17:00

honestly don't think it's that odd. Baby due in March conceived in June ish?

DH to be back in OZ because he was meant to go back on a ticket he bought before he knew OP.

Went back anyway - is coming back soon.

etc.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:05

We have been together 17 months, not long really to be getting married or having a baby.

But we have been very happy from day one and always saw us as being together.

He has also applied to university over there and they start in january so he wanted to be there to ensure he got his place and deferred it. Didn't have a massive problem with idea of him being away so long but it has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I know it is a cliche but being pregnant has made me slightly unreasonable, demanding and insecure.

I will definitely talk to him about her being at the wedding. I don't want to be uncomfortable or on guard at any point during the day because of her feelings.

Since he has been gone, I have relied pretty heavily on our mutual friends here. Who I have to say have been absolutely amazing. A couple of whom are moving to Australia next month and one who will be my bridesmaid. So I won't be on my own friend wise out there.

OP posts:
2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 17:06

I think you should stand your ground on UN-inviting this woman. You dont need people like that in your life.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:10

I was 10 weeks pregnant when he left and he knew. It was very very hard for both of us as we havent been together that long and him being australian etc...

But we decided to stay together and for him to come back etc.

It has played on my mind a lot that he is only doing the right thing and the marriage proposal sort of came out of the blue for me. So was very unsure what to think for a while. I trust him, I love him, I miss him. But it did cross my mind (briefly) that it was just the right thing to do.

OP posts:
coppertop · 22/01/2010 17:12

He booked his ticket more than 17 months ago?? I didn't know that was possible.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 22/01/2010 17:12

So are you planning on living in Australia or the UK?

He is deferring a place at Uni, even though you are planning on living in the UK?

This isn't adding up.

BitOfFun · 22/01/2010 17:13

" I know it is a cliche but being pregnant has made me slightly unreasonable, demanding and insecure."

Erm, hardly.

He's been on a jolly with his mates getting googly eyes from his ex for HALF YOUR PREGNANCY- an important bonding time for you both.

He really needs to pull his finger out.

DuelingFanjo · 22/01/2010 17:14

they are planning on living in Australia, I think that's pretty clear from what the OP has said. I imagine she is hoping to have the baby in the UK and then at some point move back.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:16

Sorry, I'm not exactly clear am I??

He deferred his place and is now doing his course through distance learning so he can start it here.

he booked his ticket and changed dates twice to stay with me until he couldn't do it anymore and we didnt want to lose the money.

We are planning on moving to Australia as soon as we can but with a new baby etc we might have to wait a while.

OP posts:
Morloth · 22/01/2010 17:16

I think he is taking the piss a bit actually. It is one thing to have gone back say for September. I think you can book an "open" ended return ticket? Not sure though.

As you have not been together that long, this would have been valuable time for you to get to know each other better before baby comes and changes everything.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 22/01/2010 17:18

DuelingFanjo - it isn't clear actually when she is saying that he is moving half way round the world for her.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:21

It has been very hard to go through the pregnancy alone. I haven't been able to share the first kicks, scans or anything else with him. I have a son 11years old and I was completely single then so being unable to share this stuff, when I should have been able to, has been awful. And at times I have been a bit resentful to him about it.

OP posts:
2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 17:22

He is a uni student, and you have an 11 year old son.

This is where you lost me.

DuelingFanjo · 22/01/2010 17:22

fair enough fab, I just thought there was a bit of troll hunting going on

cumbria81 · 22/01/2010 17:22

I really don't get the issue.

She told him she still had feelings for him, he knocked her back.

So what?

If you trust him there is really no problem.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:22

Fab- i suppose what I mean is he is coming back for me which isn't something you would normally do if you had your eye somewhere else. We will be here for some time though not forever.

OP posts:
Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:24

I'm 31, with 11 year old. He is 25 and starting Uni after much travelling/ drinking time in the Aussie fashion.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 22/01/2010 17:24

Is he going to be able to work while he's here? How has he justified effectively leaving you to your own devices for so long? Just what is he doing to make your life ANY easier in fact?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 17:26

Seems to me you have found your self an immature lad to marry. Are you working? Is he going to live off you while he finally settles down to study at a time where most people have graduated, and found their first career job, years ago!

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 22/01/2010 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morloth · 22/01/2010 17:28

Just be careful here Kellze, I know you haven't asked for relationship advice, but added all together it does sound a bit suss.

BitOfFun · 22/01/2010 17:28

I won't be buying a hat for this one, I'm afraid...

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 17:29

He has dual nationality so can work/ stay here forever if we wanted to. I honestly have no idea how he justifies leaving me for so long. Except that it was always part of the plan. His not mine.

He gets back next week and I am hoping that life will be a bit easier because although pregnancy is not an illness, it is bloody hardwork. And it is work I should be sharing with him.

OP posts:
junglist1 · 22/01/2010 17:30

It's nice you can trust your man and the fact he's been honest is evidence you're right to trust him. I would still tell her to fuck the fuck off though because what happened has everything to do with you. I haven't read the whole thread but I can guess everyone else said don't say anything. TBH if you've held your temper thus far I wouldn't bother either. I know my temper which is why I know I'd have done it the second I found out, but that doesn't mean it's right IYSWIM

Morloth · 22/01/2010 17:31

Also what about your 11 year old, do they have duel nationality? Australia can be a real bitch to get visas for. The baby you are pregnant with will have automatic rights to citizenship. But it is hard to get spousal visas and I assume even harder to get a visa for a child from a previous relationship who does not have any claim to it.

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