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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask why this woman keeps telling my fiance she is in love with him

333 replies

kellze · 22/01/2010 15:22

She and my fiance had a very brief relationship a few years ago and only slept together once. He is in Australia atm visiting friends and family before birth of our first child and has met up with this woman as a group with mutual friends. She ended up telling him how she still loves him and wants to be with him and would do anything for him etc.

He told her there was no chance and she had missed that boat and that he was very happy with me etc.

I believe there would never be a chance of anything happening between them and trust him totally but I want to know why the hell she thinks it is ok to tell him this stuff.

Do I ask her?

OP posts:
Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 16:29

He just doesn't really think about it at all. he tells her where they stand but because they keep in touch (old friends) then she maybe thinks there is still a chance. He is of the opinion about everything that if he says it once he should not have to repeat it. (apart from telling me how amazing etc I am)

OP posts:
notanumber · 22/01/2010 16:31

kellze, there doesn't need to be a confrontation.

Just say, "Er..DP, I'm not having a woman who has just says that she loves you at our wedding. That's just weird and horrible."

Unless you think there will be a confrontation if you say this. In which case, I'd be wondering why.

Why is it so important for him to have this woman at his wedding when it's clear that (a) she has designs on him and (b)it makes you unhappy?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 16:32

Does your fiance enjoy having his ego boosted by this woman?
I can see no other reason why he keeps in touch with her.
And what is he doing in oz for such a long time without you, when you are pregnant?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 16:33

He has invited her to the wedding?
What is he playing at?

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 16:36

absolutely what oranges said. Given her behaviour on this trip, i'd say you are well within your rights to remove any and all invitations. I'd de-friend her now and block her, df will need to do same. If she queries it, tell her that professing love for an engaged man, a soon to be dad, is unacceptable.

Morloth · 22/01/2010 16:36

I actually think it is OK in this situation for you to ask him to "lose an old friend". She doesn't want to stay a friend, she has made that quite clear. She has to go.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 16:39

I know that if I asked him for her not to be there at the wedding he wouldn't mind at all. He has always said whatever makes me happy etc. But I feel absolutely terrible about it. About choosing who he sees as friends etc. Its not the kind of person I want to be. (but can't help wishing I was sometimes)

He has been in Oz since September. I have hated every second of it, but he is back next week. he has been gone so long because he was never supposed to come back. ie he had booked his ticket etc before we met and when we found out about baby it seemed best for him to still go and catch up with people before coming back and being here for birth and starting the family life.

I guess I have been worried that she might see this as last chance saloon before he leaves forever.

OP posts:
MissWooWoo · 22/01/2010 16:41

noooooooooooo! it's your wedding day, your beautiful lovely wedding day, don't have her there. i'm sure she's heartbroken that you are going to marry the man she loves ... you don't want her there mooning over him, what happens if she gets pissed on the bubbly and you walk in on her blubbing in the loos, or she tries to "slow" dance with him? don't have her there, her behaviour suggests she should not be at the wedding, "friends" with your intended or not

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 16:44

But she isnt a friend. Not your friend, and in fact not his friend either.

She is the woman who is trying to ensure that his child grows up without his/her dad.

Morloth · 22/01/2010 16:44

But it doesn't matter how she sees it, if you know you can trust him.

Tell him you don't want her at the wedding and that you aren't too keen on spending any time her at all and would prefer it if he didn't (obviously baring group situations).

DH has an ex who is a friend. It isn't a problem because she is a friend (and part of a larger group), but if she tried this bullshit he would tell her in no uncertain terms that he wasn't interested in even knowing her anymore. It isn't on.

You must toughen up! Australian women are gobby and demanding. If you are to hold your own when you move you must be stronger!

MissWooWoo · 22/01/2010 16:44

hang on. just read your last post OP! the plot thickens

oranges · 22/01/2010 16:45

stop being a wimp! you are not choosing his friends, you are saying you don't want a woman who obviously does not wish you and your relationship well at your wedding.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 16:46

When is your baby due?

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 16:48

lol, you could always post a question to her fb..

'As you promise to answer 100% truthfully to any question, here goes..

What's best descriptive word for the kind of woman that'd have the audacity to hurl themselves at another woman's fiancé, and father to her unborn child?

I'd think about it, but not do it though, sounds like your df has dealt with it. Good man!

BitOfFun · 22/01/2010 16:51

There's dictating to him about his friends and there's being a sap, tbh. It is not you who has put an obstacle in the way of their friendship, or of her coming to your wedding- it's her, by her behaviour.

And if he's been gone since September, relaying these tales to you and leaving you pregnant and paranoid, I am less than impressed by his behaviour too. Why on earth hasn't he come back sooner? Who has been supporting you?

DuelingFanjo · 22/01/2010 16:52

I agree with notanumber, no need for a confrontation but maybe when discussing the wedding when he's back you could just let him know how much it upset you to hear that she thought this was an appropriate way to behave and that it would really upset you to have her so prominantly positioned at the wedding. He should surely understand this.

notanumber · 22/01/2010 16:52

How long have you and your partner been together, OP? Including the last four months when he has been in Austalia.

YouAintSinMeRight · 22/01/2010 16:52

I would uninvite her to your wedding, explaining that as she has no respect for you or your relationship she really can't come.

groundhogs · 22/01/2010 16:53

go on op, put your foot down...

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 22/01/2010 16:55

So you haven't been together that long, you are pregnant, he has been thousands of miles away for months and sees fit to tell you an ex has made a play for him.

If she comes to the wedding, you do know she will do something or make a sound when the vicar asks if anyone knows just cause why you shouldn't be married, don't you?

notanumber · 22/01/2010 16:55

I'm a bit confused...

You mentioned that you will all be emigrating to Australia (where you will need to keep an eye on her), so why has it been necessary for him to spend four months there while you are pregant to "say goodye" to everyone?

There's something odd about this.

Original poster
kellze · 22/01/2010 16:56

Baby is due 30th March and I'm bloody terrified.

I agree that Australian women are gobby and demanding.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 22/01/2010 16:59

I am assuming the OP means they would like to both go back to Oz once they are married?

OrmRenewed · 22/01/2010 16:59

She says it because she is feeling sad and desperate? You are with him, marrying him and having his baby. You've won. Ignore her and don't let her upset you.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 22/01/2010 16:59

so, seing as he has been away most of your pregnancy, as he had returned to OZ despite having met you, I gather you did not know you were pregnant when he left, and the marriage proposal happened while he was there?

Are you at all worried that he is just doing what he thinks is the right thing?

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