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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my nanny shouldn't take holiday on the day I have my c-section

201 replies

Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:14

Our nanny is mostly fantastic, however, I mentioned to her yesterday that I would probably have my c-section for DS2 on 19 March. She replied saying, oh, I was going to take the afternoon of that day off as I need to do X, Y and Z for my wedding. She is getting married in May so is taking 2 weeks then then asked/told me us a few weeks back that she would need to take another 2 weeks from the end of March. I agreed but was slightly annoyed as DS2 is due on 26th March and I was really counting on her being around the first few weeks after he is born to look after DS1 as I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for him. Anyway, so the March holiday wasn't so much of an issue but now she wants to take a half day on 19th which is likely to be the day I have my section as they usually book you in at 39 weeks. I said that to her and she said, oh so and so (the other mum in our nanny share) will watch him that afternoon, which she would but it's not really the point as I just want no dramas that day and to know DS is in his usual routine. In addition, DS is very difficult to settle at night, only goes down with me or the nanny, so on the day I do have the section I was planning to ask her to stay late and put DS to bed. When I said to her that that was the day I would have my section, I expected her to offer to take another day but she didn't so I think I am going to have to put my foot down and tell her to go another time. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
unavailable · 19/01/2010 22:18

yes

darkandstormy · 19/01/2010 22:18

boo hoo

Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 19/01/2010 22:19

yabu she asked for an afternoon of a week before the birth - not the actual due date.

kinnies · 19/01/2010 22:20

Sorry but YABU.
Its not as if you have no-one too look after your Ds.
Most people cope without a nanny (not that your any less of a person because you have one).
I am due end of july and it will be a stuggle to find somone to look after Ds & Dd. But thats life. Good luck with your pg.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 19/01/2010 22:21

Yabu. You dont know for sure when your c section is. Most people arrange alternative childcare, such as friend or family when a new baby is born.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:21

She asked for the day off ON THE DAY I HAVE MY SECTION.

OP posts:
galadriel77 · 19/01/2010 22:22

I don't think you're being completely unreasonable as I can understand wanting things to be as easy as possible and normal for your other child.

I wouldn't worry until you actually know the date of your c-section. Also - when they give you your date you can always ask if it can be put back one day if it is that important to you!

ChasingSquirrels · 19/01/2010 22:23

employees have a right to time off, but I thought they didn't have the right to say when that time off is - the employer can dictate that.

I think she is taking the piss - but what are the potential comebacks if you upset her?

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 19/01/2010 22:23

She has wedding plans, she is getting married, she most likely have bridesmaids from all over the place booked in for a fitting, or whatever. You dont know exactly the date of your c section.

But it is good that you are planning your childcare now. Get your mum, or mil, or sister, or aunt or best friend ready, like most people

HinnyPet · 19/01/2010 22:24

Did she know your section was booked for 19th? before you told her?

ChasingSquirrels · 19/01/2010 22:24

most people do cope and arrange alternative childcare - but the OP is already paying the nanny to provide the childcare.

nellie12 · 19/01/2010 22:24

Will she be there to put him to bed?

kinnies · 19/01/2010 22:24

Dont shout. Its rude.

herbietea · 19/01/2010 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cory · 19/01/2010 22:25

Even if they usually book you in for 39 weeks, how can you know that it's going to be exactly on the 19th? My induction turned out to be a bit of a moveable feast.

magnolia74 · 19/01/2010 22:25

Its January...You have been given an exact date in march??

Ingles2 · 19/01/2010 22:25

oh,..I don't know... T'is give and take isn't it.
How much holiday is she entitled to? She's having 4 weeks off out of 12..
I appreciate she's getting married and everything but you'd think she's be slightly accommodating as you are due to give birth. so no...YANBU

TheCrackFox · 19/01/2010 22:25

do you have a DP? Can't he put DS1 to bed?

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:27

She didn't ask, she told me. Most people I know have to agree holiday dates with their employer. Why should a nanny be any different? I am paying her to be there to help so that I don't have to rely on friends/family (incidentally, there is no family nearby to help). I think if most people have a nanny and are paying to keep her on during mat leave then it would generally be expected for her to be around when the baby is born! I do work full time by the way, not just sat on my arse with the nanny doing everything.

OP posts:
SecretSlattern · 19/01/2010 22:27

YABU, it's the day you are likely to have your section. It isn't written in stone and as far as I can see, she has asked for the time off before the baby was due anyway.

2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 19/01/2010 22:28

she told you NOW. Plenty of advance notice.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:30

DS won't settle with DH and I would like to be cut open without the worry of thinking that DS is screaming his little heart out. The nanny also told me she was taking 2 weeks off from 28th March (told, not asked) and I said nothing even though not really convenient as I wanted DS kept in his routine immediately after the birth.

OP posts:
loobylu3 · 19/01/2010 22:31

She can only request the afternoon off, not tell you she is having it off. I think the nanny/ employer relationship is about give and take and in this instance, she is being unreasonable if you are booked to have a CS on that day.

nellie12 · 19/01/2010 22:32

well its up to you, you can either wind yourself into a tis on mn and take a high handed attitude, running the risk of her being difficult (or leaving) when you are going to need her a lot - like when you have the new baby and she is about to get married.

Or, you can sit down and have a chat with her and see if she will compromise somehow - acknowledging that getting married is as big in peoples lives as having a baby. (until you have a baby of course)

Heated · 19/01/2010 22:32

The hospital you are going to will do planned & electives on certain days of the week. Why not find out through your mw when this is? Or actually get a firm date?

Giving you long-term notice would indicate complicated arrangements at her end, you have other childcare options in place, plus family on standby. Presumably your dh will take paternity leave for 2 weeks whilst nanny is away and you have a nanny share in place? I don't see this problem as insurmountable.