To think my nanny shouldn't take holiday on the day I have my c-section

[Gangle]

Our nanny is mostly fantastic, however, I mentioned to her yesterday that I would probably have my c-section for DS2 on 19 March. She replied saying, oh, I was going to take the afternoon of that day off as I need to do X, Y and Z for my wedding. She is getting married in May so is taking 2 weeks then then asked/told me us a few weeks back that she would need to take another 2 weeks from the end of March. I agreed but was slightly annoyed as DS2 is due on 26th March and I was really counting on her being around the first few weeks after he is born to look after DS1 as I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for him. Anyway, so the March holiday wasn't so much of an issue but now she wants to take a half day on 19th which is likely to be the day I have my section as they usually book you in at 39 weeks. I said that to her and she said, oh so and so (the other mum in our nanny share) will watch him that afternoon, which she would but it's not really the point as I just want no dramas that day and to know DS is in his usual routine. In addition, DS is very difficult to settle at night, only goes down with me or the nanny, so on the day I do have the section I was planning to ask her to stay late and put DS to bed. When I said to her that that was the day I would have my section, I expected her to offer to take another day but she didn't so I think I am going to have to put my foot down and tell her to go another time. Am I being unreasonable?

Gangle, I haven't been on the antenatal thread for ages - I saw your due date, recognised your name, put 2+2 together & checked the list on the thread!

For all those saying that Gangle has another nanny on hand - she doesn't! Her nanny has very helpfully suggested that the other mother she works for helps Gangle out. As Gangle has pointed out, that other mother already has her hands full with young DC and a demanding job.

My due date with DD2 is 24th March. I knew that as soon as Christmas & New Year were out of the way the date would suddenly seem very close indeed. Gangle is being very responsible trying to make sure she has adequate arrangements in place for when she gives birth to her second child. The nanny is being entirely unreasonable and seemingly quite awkward in choosing Gangle's tentative C-S date to take a half day holiday.

"Most people have to cope without a nanny."

Yes, I'm one of those people. I have no nanny, but you know what's great? I don't PAY for one.

And nor do any of the other people who don't have them. If you're paying someone to work for you, then you should be able to rely on them to do their job.

Pissing around with half days when your employer is so near their due date and might be in hospital having a CS is ridiculous. It's the equivalent of telling your boss you'll be off shopping for a half day just before a crucial, massive deadline. No reasonable, committed employee would behave that way. And in most companies a request for holidays at such a time would be denied and frowned upon.

The OP is not being remotely unreasonable. Whether her DH should be putting their son to bed, or she should be able to arrange family to help is utterly irrelevant to this situation.

She employs a nanny, and a nanny is what she should have. Not someone who shows up to play with her kid when it suits.

what skidoodle said. There must obviously be some flexibility from an employer as to when an employee can take hols... but NOT on the day she is expecting to be in hospital... !

skidoodle, EXACTLY!

You have hit the nail on the head. Hats off to you.

(and a few more tired old cliches! )

Haven't had chance to read the whole thread sorry.

but OP, just wondering... do you think your new nanny might have chosen these dates precisely because she doesn't want to be around when the new baby is born? Either because she thinks she is giving you some time alone together or because she is scared of newborns or squeamish or who knows why...

and likewise, if she thinks that you might have a CS on a given day and she'd already got plans for that evening, she might have thought that she would have the afternoon off because she knows that if you are having cs and your dp is with you she won't be able to leave your ds alone. Or maybe a friend or relative has said that they can be free to go bride shopping with her that day or there's a wedding fair she wants to go to.

guess what I am trying to say is to see if there is a reason she has chosen those particular days for time off over and above 'wedding', as most people have mentioned going shopping is not usually dictated by a particular day and earlier in the week is often quieter than later on. If you know the underlying reason there's a chance that you'll be able to work out a different date that's agreeable to both of you (assuming it's not because she doesn't want to be there when you have your cs!)

And it's a good time to be talking to her about being on 24 hour call (any chance of offering her a little bit of extra time off in lieu for this further down the line - say in May? even if it's not needed - as a recompense for it, or money if she would prefer, but from what you have said sounds like holiday would be better)

"Most people have to cope without a nanny."

Completely irrelevant to the OP.

She does have a nanny and no doubt pays to employ that nanny. If you employ someone to do a job for you, you need to be able to rely on them.

Just like a school employs a teacher and relies ont hem being there.

But she doesn't know the day! So she tells the nanny to rearrange, nanny rearranges and then the date changes. At least have some definite dates before you start getting heavy handed.

I changed my mind about this overnight and decided YANBU, now reading this thread again I can see why it irritated me.

Rockbird, to be honest she should be saying, "no days off in March as I am having a BABY that month and can't predict what day! Do your shopping on a Saturday!"

Crikey, am I glad I don't have a nanny, they sound more trouble than they are worth!

Go back to your nanny and suggest that until you know when the dates are, you can't confirm any time off.

TBH, I don't think she ought to take the time off either.

If I were you, I'd start looking for a new nanny, one that his more focussed on what she should be doing and not so self centred.

What does the other mum think of this girl?

You are the boss, you set the rules and timings. YANBU

I have read this, and think YANBU. A job is a job and others say she is asking for time off at a fairly critical time.Would someone at Tesco try and get the week before Xmas off? Would a preist take Easter off? can teachers take leave when its not half term. NO!!!!

I think you need to be firm and fair and say that as a paid employee this is the most critical time, and once dates are firmed up you need her to be working. Whilst you are 100% sympathetic to her pending marriage, wedding dress fittings can be moved. childbirth cant

If it does get nasty (and I hope it wont) you will be off work for mat leave anyway, and can find someone else? bloody childcare is a minefield i tell ya

If she is having 4 weeks holiday in between the end of March and the end of May - yanbu! Infact, I would say very reasonable, as you have agreed to her having a month over during the very period you'll need her most.

Yorkshire I do agree with you btw that th nanny is being a bit off in expecting the time off - wedding shopping is still just shopping and most of us manage that in our own time...And any job requires holidays mutually agreed upfront! Also agree that everything I read about nannys just sounds hard work - at least with a nursery if a worker is on hol/ sick etc etc the nursery has to find the replacement, not you, and you're not just reliant on one person either!

I agree with Yorkshire. I think the best option would be to say no to any further holidays in March, bar the two weeks already booked off. And nanny must realise that this needs to be the case when her employer is having a baby - and espcially when her job revolves around chilcare. She can do wedding shopping and planning on her weekends, or if she really needs a Friday, she makes it February. Why can she not sort this edding stuff back home in the 2 weeks she already has booked off in March?

Gangle, have a chat with your health visitor too. I did yesterday about any suggestions she may have for a mother's help when DD2 comes along. She said a local college were looking for work placements for trainee nursery nurses (in their 2nd year) and looking for families exactly like mine - i.e. with a toddler & a newborn. What's more, it'd be free as it's helping them gain experience.

Obviously this won't help you out when your baby is born, but it might be very helpful for you to have an extra pair of hands a couple of days a week when your nanny is off getting married (or when you sack her).

skidoodle and groundhogs you got it in one. I would refuse the time off and start looking for a new nanny pronto.

You can't sack someone for taking holidays when they have requested them and you have approved! Doesn't employment law cover nannies?

pooexplosions - I don't think she's approved this particular day, just the other 2 weeks in march and may,

I haven't read the whole thread, but I employ a nanny and do think that she's being a bit unreasonable if she knew your due date- but equally, you don't have a definitive date for your C/S.

Does your contract not state that you get to choose 50% of your holiday dates and she gets the other 50% - so given that you've (presumably) already approved her holiday for her wedding and honeymoon, can you say that you can't approve any further holiday until your C/S is booked/confirmed?

YABU

She's your nanny, not your husband

She didn't say no, she waited for the nanny to offer another day. If you employ someone, act like an employer.

No you are definitely NOT being unreasonable. You are having your cs on this day FFS. Does she have a brain the size of a pea? If she values her job she needs to rethink her attitude. If my nanny did this to me I would be seriously pissed off and wonder about her commitment to the job.

I can't see where Gangle has said that she has approved the nanny's half day holiday pooexplosions. She was slightly annoyed about, but agreed to the 2 weeks in March, but has not approved the 1/2 day.

Sack may be a little strong. In Gangle's case I would probably be looking to terminate the contract of an employee who was being so obstructive at the most critical time of my year.

poo explosion I think op felt pressured itno allwoign this half day (which actually impacts more on her than just a few hours loss of childcare). I'd also agree with Flowery when she wonders if the relationship with nanny is perhaps not what it should be. I'm not sure I'd like to feel so dependeient on an individual who feels under such little obligation as to pick up that that day is not simply not likely to be convenient. However having agreed to it and the two weeks almost straight after the birth I do think op needs to get husband more actively involved with their ds so he can take over some of the practical stuff when he is around. It is unlikely to be hugely disruptive for a child, in the grand scheme of having a new sibling, to have daddy put him to bed occasionally as long as the introduction to it is gradual ie. from now on. There are going to need to be adjustments on all sides to accommodate another baby.

I think there is too much expectation that Nannies should go way beyond the call of duty. If she has plans and has asked 3 months in advance I don't see why she should cancel her plans. She is a person too you know, not just a robot to be there whenever needed.

OP's DH should really be able to put his own child to bed...