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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my nanny shouldn't take holiday on the day I have my c-section

201 replies

Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:14

Our nanny is mostly fantastic, however, I mentioned to her yesterday that I would probably have my c-section for DS2 on 19 March. She replied saying, oh, I was going to take the afternoon of that day off as I need to do X, Y and Z for my wedding. She is getting married in May so is taking 2 weeks then then asked/told me us a few weeks back that she would need to take another 2 weeks from the end of March. I agreed but was slightly annoyed as DS2 is due on 26th March and I was really counting on her being around the first few weeks after he is born to look after DS1 as I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for him. Anyway, so the March holiday wasn't so much of an issue but now she wants to take a half day on 19th which is likely to be the day I have my section as they usually book you in at 39 weeks. I said that to her and she said, oh so and so (the other mum in our nanny share) will watch him that afternoon, which she would but it's not really the point as I just want no dramas that day and to know DS is in his usual routine. In addition, DS is very difficult to settle at night, only goes down with me or the nanny, so on the day I do have the section I was planning to ask her to stay late and put DS to bed. When I said to her that that was the day I would have my section, I expected her to offer to take another day but she didn't so I think I am going to have to put my foot down and tell her to go another time. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 19/01/2010 22:47

Gangle - you say she wants the afternoon off to do some stuff for her wedding - if so, could she not have the afternoon, but come back in time to put your ds to bed?

This would be a compromise on both sides - she gets the afternoon off, but not the evening, and you accept that your ds will be looked after by the other mum you mentioned, but will be put to bed by his own nanny.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:50

Sorry, I thought I got there first by telling her about 19th the likely date. She then said she wanted to take that pm as holiday so, technically, I got there first. The relationship is fine but I am just annoyed as someone showing so little consideration - its not her wedding that day, she could easily take another afternoon - why do I have to rearrange my section in the event it is booked in that day?

OP posts:
bibbitybobbityhat · 19/01/2010 22:51

Its annoying you cannot be told the date sooner. I had my c/section in September and was given the date when I was 30 weeks pg. Can't you put some pressure on the hospital to get it booked?

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:54

She is getting married abroad (where she is from) so was going to fly back that afternoon so no, she can't come back in the evening. She is on a standard employment contract which contains the usual wording about holiday to be taken at agreed dates etc. TBH, it's now making me think that if she is not going to be around the key times I need her then there may not be much point keeping her on. It was going to be a huge stretch anyway whilst I'm not working but I thought worth it to have her look after DS2 when I go back to work but not sure that's the case now.

OP posts:
saintlydamemrsturnip · 19/01/2010 22:55

I said on another thread what does the contract say? Go by your contract. If she has to request leave you can deny it as it's inconvenient. If she can tell you then so be it.

Just go by the contract - the rest of it is neither here nor them. Stick to it as a matter of employment and it doesn't have to become a big involved issue.

HarrietTheSpy · 19/01/2010 22:56

No, she didn't get in there first she quite bizarrely, after you told were giving her advance warning about your schedule for your C SECTION, came back with "sorry, I've got errands to run." Just say no, you've got to check your dates first before you commit to any more holiday for her around that time.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 19/01/2010 22:57

Has she already booked her flight?

HarrietTheSpy · 19/01/2010 22:57

x post

larks35 · 19/01/2010 22:57

Gangle, just tell her that she can't have that day off and get your diaries out and suggest other days for her. You do have the right to do that and you are not unreasonable to do so. It does sound like she has misunderstood some of her terms and conditions of employment if she thinks she can just tell you her holiday dates. (That's what I meant about bad employer/employee relationship)

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 19/01/2010 22:58

then sack her and get someone else... or, if you can't afford to keep a nanny on while you're not working, then what's the issue?

almostreal · 19/01/2010 23:00

YABU your son will still have childcare that day.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 23:03

No she hasn't booked her flights and I don't think would have even mentioned it unless I had mentioned the section! She gave the other mum a list of her holiday dates and 19th March wasn't on it so came completely out of the blue and just very odd that she didn't say straight away, oh I'll on on another day then, like the week before or whatever! And yes, it would be lovely if they told you earlier when your section will be. I tried to get a date out of them at 20 weeks but they refused saying it could only be booked at 36 weeks. I asked if could be booked in earlier as last time they were fully booked and DS ended up as an ELCS and they said maybe 34 weeks. Seeing the midwife tomorrow so will ask again but doubt I will get an answer but fully intend to push for 19th March which is exactly the week before the EDD.

OP posts:
naturopath · 19/01/2010 23:03

when you say she is going to fly back that afternoon - how long does she intend on being away? Is that the beginning of her 2 weeks off?

If so, now is definitely the time to make alternative arrangements (get mother to come and stay etc.)

Have you spoken to her about whether her dates are moveable? Sounds like you haven't really discussed it - it might be easily negotiated if you discuss?

Horton · 19/01/2010 23:05

Could you not have your section on the 18th or 20th if the 19th is a problem? Is it for medical reasons? Or is it through choice? Either way, I can't see how a day either way could make much difference.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 23:05

With who almostreal??? The other mum works from home day and as such is not available to look after DS. The nanny wasn't really within her rights to suggest it nor would I want to impose on the other mum who is pregnant and works full time in a demanding job.

OP posts:
naturopath · 19/01/2010 23:06

also, I agree with Larks. And although getting married is huge, the birth of your new dc is pretty big job-wise - i.e., in any other job where a big project is coming up, you would be expected not to take holiday at that time.

TheCrackFox · 19/01/2010 23:07

I don't want to throw a spanner in the works but your DS2 could arrive before 39 weeks. My DS1 arrived the day before his ELC which was nice but a real surprise to everyone.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 23:07

no, she would just be going away for the weekend. She is taking 2 weeks from 29th March as well. Horton, do the NHS do planned sections on Saturdays?? Why should I ask for it to be earlier than 39 weeks and risk breathing difficulties in DS2 just to fit in with nanny???

OP posts:
HarrietTheSpy · 19/01/2010 23:08

You are not obliged to work around this impromptu day off. Her attitude is bizarre. Ask HER to fly back the weekend before maybe? I am assuming that it's a Friday she's going...

THen as another poster said - hope you don't have the baby early!

Agree that the nanny has no reason whatsoever to assume a mother working from home can pick up the slack and it doesn't even sound like she's asked.

SH'es got wedding brain!!

elliephant · 19/01/2010 23:09

YANBU at all. Frankly I find it odd that her response to you when you told her your probable c/s date was that she was taking it as a holiday.

Hands up on mumsnet - who would really turn around and tell their employer ( who has just told you that s/he has a very important meeting on a particular day) that sorry, can't help,won't be in, going shopping?
Surely it's still the norm for employees to request days off from their employer and for employers to say yay or nay.

She may have a wedding to organise but it's in May not March. You don't have as many days to choose from to have your baby.

However you should try to confirm as quickly as possible your c/s date and let your nanny know so that she can also plan ahead.
BTW your c/s date may not be a neat 7 days in advance either -I had my third C/S on DS's due date as it had to fit in around my Dr's golf plans . . .

Jumpty · 19/01/2010 23:09

YANBU! She can do her stuff on another day. Every employee has to accomodate their employer to some extent when booking holidays, she can't reasonably expect to be able to have holiday whenever it pleases her.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 23:10

Yes he could in which case the whole problem goes away but until then I do need to make plans.

OP posts:
naturopath · 19/01/2010 23:10

also, I had the same problem with dh putting ds1 to bed - but actually, he is now better at it than me, which is extremely helpful when you have another baby on the way. Get him to practice now, so that when you have two, he can be putting ds1 to bed while you tend to the baby.

hobbgoblin · 19/01/2010 23:12

Regardless of the rights and wrongs of how time off was requested/informed I think you need to chill out rather about your DS and making everything controlled and perfect. Alarm bells for me already at the fact that he only accepts certain people putting him to bed. He will need to be more adaptable when his sibling arrives and so, frankly, will you.

ToffeeCrumble · 19/01/2010 23:13

You can have the section on the Monday 22nd. I arranged for my section to be a couple of days later than suggested as i thought they had my dates wrong and didn't want to have the section too early. The date they suggest isn't set in stone. They are flexible.

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