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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my nanny shouldn't take holiday on the day I have my c-section

201 replies

Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:14

Our nanny is mostly fantastic, however, I mentioned to her yesterday that I would probably have my c-section for DS2 on 19 March. She replied saying, oh, I was going to take the afternoon of that day off as I need to do X, Y and Z for my wedding. She is getting married in May so is taking 2 weeks then then asked/told me us a few weeks back that she would need to take another 2 weeks from the end of March. I agreed but was slightly annoyed as DS2 is due on 26th March and I was really counting on her being around the first few weeks after he is born to look after DS1 as I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for him. Anyway, so the March holiday wasn't so much of an issue but now she wants to take a half day on 19th which is likely to be the day I have my section as they usually book you in at 39 weeks. I said that to her and she said, oh so and so (the other mum in our nanny share) will watch him that afternoon, which she would but it's not really the point as I just want no dramas that day and to know DS is in his usual routine. In addition, DS is very difficult to settle at night, only goes down with me or the nanny, so on the day I do have the section I was planning to ask her to stay late and put DS to bed. When I said to her that that was the day I would have my section, I expected her to offer to take another day but she didn't so I think I am going to have to put my foot down and tell her to go another time. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 19/01/2010 22:33

You have plenty of time for your DH to start getting DS1 used to him putting him to bed. TBh it is a shame your DH is missing out on something like that. You have another nanny who can look after DS1 during the day.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:33

She only told me when I told her that my section was likely to be that day as it's usually a week before EDD. She hadn't booked it off in advance. Do all of you just announce to your employers when you are taking holiday? Mine has to be mutually agreed and fit in with the reasonable needs of the business. I would have thought it reasonable to ask her not to take holiday the last 2 weeks of March.

OP posts:
shonaspurtle · 19/01/2010 22:33

I posted on your other thread, but yanbu.

If I asked for a half day from work that might clash with an important project I would be told either no, or maybe dependent on the project. No different with a nanny imo.

That other people manage without a nanny is a complete red herring.

MrsMattie · 19/01/2010 22:34

what nellie said

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:34

sorry to shout but I DON'T HAVE FAMILY ON STAND-BY.

OP posts:
WhatNoLunchBreak · 19/01/2010 22:35

YANBU, imo.

shonaspurtle · 19/01/2010 22:35

"getting married is as big in peoples lives as having a baby" and if the op was asking her to miss her wedding then obviously TWBU. But this is presumably for some shopping/fitting which could be done another day.

TheCrackFox · 19/01/2010 22:35

Well just tell her she can't have the day off.

herbietea · 19/01/2010 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

unavailable · 19/01/2010 22:36

Gangle, (if you are genuine)
Why do you think your nanny owes you and your son more loyalty/commitment than your husband?

RollBaubleUnderTree · 19/01/2010 22:36

Try to think of it like this, maybe it will be nicer for it to be just you, DH and DS in the time at home after the baby is born.

Also bit sad that DS won't settle for DH but will for the nanny. Why not try and address that now - what if the nanny left?

MumNWLondon · 19/01/2010 22:37

If she is really your employee, and has an employment contract etc etc its within your rights to say sorry that day of annual leave is not appropriate.

How much annual leave does she have? I have always given 2 weeks at my discretion and 2 weeks at hers....

If however its a less formal arrangement with no contract, and she's paid in cash, well then I guess she can do what she wants.

However you don't have to have the section on that day, try and arrange it for a different day.

magnolia74 · 19/01/2010 22:38

Doesn't sound like you have a very good relationship with the nanny if she tells you when her holiday is. If its not suitable for you as her employer then tell her!!

millarkie · 19/01/2010 22:38

What is the wording in your contract? Most nanny contracts say that nanny can choose half the holiday (generally that's 10 days) and parents choose the other half and nanny doesn't work bank holidays. If you have that sort of contract then she has already chosen her 2 weeks.
It must be incredibly frustrating to have arranged to employ a childcarer (and pay them during your mat leave) who has bonded so well with your child and then not be able to rely on them to give you peace of mind when you are having the baby.
It is unusual to be so sure of the date of a c-section though - normally it has to be arranged with knowledge of which doctors/theatres are available rather than dead-on 39 weeks.

Original poster
Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:39

My mum lives a flight and a 5 hour train ride away and would take at least a day to get here. They don't give you a fixed date for the section until 36 weeks but for various silly superstitious reasons I wanted it to be that Friday. It's not even like she's made firm plans/arrangements for that date - she hadn't even mentioned it until I said I would probably have my section on that date so she hasn't made any plans so why can't she take another afternoon off, like the Friday before?

OP posts:
Heated · 19/01/2010 22:40

Shouting still doesn't alter that you are speculating about a problem that may not yet exist: get a firm date for the section. If there is a clash, speak to the nanny, and ask her to change the date as that is the day you will most need her. But Dh and nanny share are also available. Get dh to put ds to bed if he's around at that time, it will be a novelty for them both.

Rockbird · 19/01/2010 22:40

She has a definite date and you don't so she got there first. And I don't have to beg my employer for leave. I look in the diary and if there is nothing on then that's fine. Isn't that what she's done? You have no arrangements made and she does. She works for you, she hasn't sold you her soul. You don't even know what's happening yet and you're getting your knickers in a knot.

PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 19/01/2010 22:41

YANBU, and I think this thread has gone to a weird place (first responses misunderstanding your OP seemed to send it off on a weird tangent)

If you are scheduled for the 19th, then she can't have the day/afternoon off. why can't she have her half day the week before or something?

On the other hand - where is your DH/DP - isn't he capable of putting your DC to bed? Esp as you will be heavily pregnant?

IsThatTheTime · 19/01/2010 22:42

I don't think YABU, I think any complaints about nannies sets off the "how very dare you" response in some quarters.

Stop using the capitals though, you'll make no friends going down that road...

kinnies · 19/01/2010 22:42

I know its stressful for you and your worried about Ds1, but it will all work out.
Have a chat with her. Be honnest and tell her you are getting in a state about it.
I'm sure she will understand.

Aside from that, If I were you I would def get your Dh to start putting Ds to bed.
It will help their relationship and you will be pulling your hair out having to do it all after a C with a newborn.
You cant be all things to all people.

Heated · 19/01/2010 22:42

Find out the days of the week they do planned sections on from your mw, she will know or just phone the ward. It may not be a Friday. If it is, then you know you need to speak to the nanny.

cory · 19/01/2010 22:43

I think you are well within your rights to insist that a certain day is not convenient. But you could be setting yourself up for a fall, given that the hospital may well decide to make the other day your section date instead. My induction date was changed at very short notice, to do with shortage of beds and sudden emergencies.

larks35 · 19/01/2010 22:43

It sounds like you haven't got the best employer/employee relationship. Why did you agree to the 2 weeks at end of March? (Why does anyone need 2 weeks off, 2 months before their wedding?) Before you say no to the afternoon off (and you can say no), check that you are actually going to have your baby on that day, because if she re-schedules her stuff to another day, it is bound (by Sod's Law) to be the day you actually do have your babe.
(BTW, don't apologise for something you are about to do - it just makes you look/sound/read as rude.)

ThePinkOne · 19/01/2010 22:46

Have you actually told her that you want her to be working that day? Could she be thinking you won't want her the day your baby's born, that it'll be family time? You're expecting her to offer to change the day off by the sound of it but you haven't asked. If you said 'please can you be there looking after ds on the day of my section and stay later to put him to bed' she might be fine with it.

elliott · 19/01/2010 22:46

crikey I can't understand everyone's responses. Employees request leave, they don't announce it. Reasonable employers don't deny leave requests unless necessary. I would have thought hte need for childcare while you are having your second baby would rank pretty highly as a reason to deny leave.
But I think the real problem is that you have allowed the nanny to believe that she can dictate her holiday to you. What does your contract say?