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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my nanny shouldn't take holiday on the day I have my c-section

201 replies

Gangle · 19/01/2010 22:14

Our nanny is mostly fantastic, however, I mentioned to her yesterday that I would probably have my c-section for DS2 on 19 March. She replied saying, oh, I was going to take the afternoon of that day off as I need to do X, Y and Z for my wedding. She is getting married in May so is taking 2 weeks then then asked/told me us a few weeks back that she would need to take another 2 weeks from the end of March. I agreed but was slightly annoyed as DS2 is due on 26th March and I was really counting on her being around the first few weeks after he is born to look after DS1 as I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for him. Anyway, so the March holiday wasn't so much of an issue but now she wants to take a half day on 19th which is likely to be the day I have my section as they usually book you in at 39 weeks. I said that to her and she said, oh so and so (the other mum in our nanny share) will watch him that afternoon, which she would but it's not really the point as I just want no dramas that day and to know DS is in his usual routine. In addition, DS is very difficult to settle at night, only goes down with me or the nanny, so on the day I do have the section I was planning to ask her to stay late and put DS to bed. When I said to her that that was the day I would have my section, I expected her to offer to take another day but she didn't so I think I am going to have to put my foot down and tell her to go another time. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Romanarama · 20/01/2010 13:03

It's not beyond the call of duty to not be allowed on holiday when something important is happening. It's just tough luck. The OP is not going to arrive at 38wks pg on a different day just because the nanny gave 3 months notice of when she wants to go shopping. All employees have to deal with leave moratoria for different reasons, it's not something reserved for nannies and has nothing to do with who puts the child to bed.

Hulababy · 20/01/2010 13:07

StrictlyKatty - the nanny had, from what we know, not prebooked this holiday with her employer. She didn't mention it until after the date was mentioned by the OP. The nanny is already having 2 weeks at the end of the same month off, plus 2 weeks off in May.

In most employment you have to agree holidays with your employer in advance, and if there are important projects or events taking place, then you can't take the holiday. Some employers also have the right to cancel employees holidays if big projects come up, even if they have been booked.

I don't think being refused one half day holiday in March - when she already has 2 weeks off starting a week later - is going beyind the call of duty!

posieparker · 20/01/2010 13:18

I guess if you choose to be a Nanny you choose to be a servant to the needs of a family, they do not come before your own but they should be considered. My dh works in a company that has a rule of no holiday to be taken throughout December because the business needs all employees....

OP YANBU

Although how much do pay her for her loyalty, can't imagine it's much.

MrsNorthman · 20/01/2010 13:32

Well really you sit down and have a friendly chat with your nanny and tell her your fears and concerns. If it goes on you may have a falling out. You know her personality more than we do .... so only you will know how to approach her.

I understand that you will probably want DH to be at the hospital with you (not read all of this thread) but I wouldn't be too concerned about your other child's routine too much. Children can be very flexible.

flowerybeanbag · 20/01/2010 13:36

Agree that saying a nanny needs to come into work as usual on a particularly inconvenient day rather than taking holiday isn't asking her to do anything beyond the call of duty at all, regardless of how far in advance she requested the holiday.

It does sound as though, for everyone's benefit, the OP's DH should be able to do bedtime, but that's a separate issue and nothing to do with how reasonable it is for the OP to refuse half a day holiday for her nanny at a really inconvenient time.

frakkinaround · 20/01/2010 13:52

Actually the OP has stated how much she pays her nanny and it's around £33.6k gross a year between the two families, which is approximately £650 gross a week, and a good wage for a nanny. Not that it's strictly relevant to this discussion.

Sunshinemummy · 20/01/2010 13:59

What Skidoodle said.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/01/2010 14:16

yanbu gangle

your nannys is wanting and getting 4weeks her choice for her wedding - why the hell does she need 2 weeks before wedding to sort things out

thats what weekends,phone,email etc are for

i got married abroad and didnt have time off before our wedding - yes i did things during the day and took my youngest with me

when mb had no 3, i was on call for labour (as any professional nanny would be) i had the older 2 to stay at mine for the night, and had them for the weekend while db was with mb who spent an extra day in hospital as needed a blood transfusion

you are her employer and quite within your rights to say no to this day off she wants

tho i do think you need dh to be able to cope and put your ds to bed (but thats another debate)

posieparker · 20/01/2010 14:31

The reason I asked about her wage is because if she was poorly paid then you expect less froim your Nanny. £650 a week is more than enough for a serious job, with the serious commitments a n employer can and should expect.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 20/01/2010 14:31

I was a nanny and had my first baby by emergency section.

I would never refuse to work when I was asked for my bosses. I did a bank holiday once as she wanted to play tennis with her friends.

The relationship has to work both ways - let nanny go home early if you are home early but then the nanny shouldn't mind if you call and give notice that you will be a little bit late that night.

In a lot of jobs, if someone doesn't turn up to work it doesn't stop someone else going to work, in nannying that can be a fact.

I think this nanny is acting really unfairly. When I was interviewing for jobs my wedding was booked so at the interviews I would state the days I needed off and made it clear it was non negotiable and if it was a problem they knew not to employ me.

I would think very carefully about letting her go as she isn't willing to postpone something she has to do for something so massive for you.

Rockbird · 20/01/2010 15:59

" Does she have a brain the size of a pea? If she values her job she needs to rethink her attitude."

If my boss spoke to me like that I would be out of the door like lightening. What the hell gives people the right to talk like that to someone just because they work in someone's home? It's people like you that make me damn glad I work in the real world now and no longer some pampered princess's home. This is 2010 now, servants no longer have to stay below stairs .

OP, that isn't aimed at you. Nothing that you have said sounds like that. Just some people need to learn the difference between employer/employee and lady bountiful/skivvy.

Beetroot · 20/01/2010 16:04

my god there are some vile people on this thread
;old timer;

troublewithtalk · 20/01/2010 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotalChaos · 20/01/2010 16:13

yanbu. (and I speak as a skint person with no chance of affording a nanny). when working I wouldn't expect to be allowed holiday automatically however inconvenient for my employer.

lowenergylightbulb · 20/01/2010 16:13

YANBU, as your nanny (and as a human being) she should realise that this is the very time when the service you pay her to provide is most needed.

lowenergylightbulb · 20/01/2010 16:14

Nanny sounds like a bridezilla.

Irishchic · 20/01/2010 16:15

Gangle you are so NBU.

4 Weeks off for wedding is mad. And she should definitely be around the day you have c section or even for the few days around it as you could go early and have to have the cs early.

Peachy · 20/01/2010 16:22

Assuming the other holiday ahs been approved as i think,I do think that'slarrgely irelevant: she askedfor holiday, you approved it, OK then.Why does it amtter if its for her wedding?Its not the isue?

I woudln't runa round talking of new nannies etc tbh,not yet anyway, it is stability your family needs,not a wholenew lot of hasle.

Sit her down and talk to her,find out why she is so et on that date.It may be she just randomly picked it- in which case you need adeept hink, or it may be that cousin emily is coming voerfromcanada for afitting and that'sthe day allocated- in whcih case you might stillsay no but you could understand her wishes for it.

You have the freedom tosay no of course, and it would be reasonable to do so. Depedning on how the contract works, if she has a definitive let off timeyou can't necessarily expect her to coverlater on (my sister was a nanny and had some contracts that guaranteed 6 finish, others that meant her times were flexible on needs of employer).

It is dialogue you need at this stage, find out what is going on. Absolutely refuse the day, most emplioyers would, but explain that you really need her and express sorrow that you couldn't help her rather than threaten her with the sack for daring to assert her wants.

Oh and yes your Dh really needs to be able to settle baby- what if your Nanny were on her (legitimate and bookedalready) time off and you became ill? Or indeed at some future point you and Nanny got il lwith same bug- quite possible! It's important.

loobylu3 · 20/01/2010 16:28

Pleased to see this thread has become a bit more sensible now! YANBU. Try to be polite but firm- it doesn't sound as if you are naturally assertive. I would just say no more leave until you know your CS date.
Good luck!

Blu · 20/01/2010 16:38

I agree, you are so NBU!

And am LOL at phrases such as 'more loyalty to her husband' - it's not her wedding night you are asking her to work!

I think it is reasonable to ask her not to take time off during the month of the birth of another child. In no other job that I know of can you take half days hol when you feel like it, at the point of the busiest work time, in order to make wedding plans. She could re-arrange for Feb, it's not as if you can re-arrange the birth of your child!

Stick to a professional format for this discussion and do not be swayed by emotional factors.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 20/01/2010 18:47

Gangle - why is it that she needs that particular day off? You said something about her flying somewhere so she couldn't be back in time to do bedtime with your ds - did you mean that she's effectively adding the Friday to the weekend so she can do something specific?

If so, perhaps she could do it the previous weekend, or a later one - she does have plenty of notice.

If she can't/won't change her arrangements, and if you decide you still want her as your nanny, it would be worth contacting the hospital now and say that you won't be able to do that day, and could they make it a different one - the theatre lists aren't going to be set in stone this far in advance, and with this much notice, they ought to be able to accomodate you if you explain the childcare issues.

HTH.

Original poster
Gangle · 20/01/2010 21:40

Relieved to report that I spoke to her tonight and all seems to be sorted. I just said, about 19th March, it's not very convenient, would you mind going another weekend? She said no, that she had wanted to go that weekend as the fights cheaper but that that'd probably change anyway and her DP would change his mind about going, as he did last time they tried to go. I then said, if you could just keep that week clear that'd be great as I will probably have my section that week assuming I haven't already gone into labour. Incidentally, I saw the dr today and begged them to book in the section now and they refused again saying that never do this before 34 weeks at the earliest so I won't know for a while yet. So, all fine, for the minute anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gangle · 20/01/2010 21:43

thanks everyone!!

OP posts:
kinnies · 20/01/2010 21:46

Good. Glad youve got it sorted

groundhogs · 20/01/2010 21:52

Well Done Gangle!!! At least now, she has to come back to you with dates, and tbh your saying to keep the week free is excellent!

Job done! Ball is back in your court!

I still think any nanny worth her salt, let alone over £600 a week wouldn't even consider being anywhere except on stand by for you....

With her relucatance even to consider changing the date, knowing she has 4 weeks already booked off???? I would seriously have a look about for a new Nanny..

She needs to be told that with the 4 weeks already booked off, and some of them at a time where you could really benefit from the help, tbh there may be a case where you say that actually any more time off is an automatic no, unless by express agreement, and that you are informed of intentions to take time off well in advance and only agree to it on consideration, and not a snap yes or no answer on the spot...

Good luck Gangle, let us know how you get on eh?