in considering leaving my 8 year old home alone?

[kitkatsforbreakfast]

OK, I haven't done it yet, but I am considering it, in the following circumstances:

• If I have to pop out to pick up another dc and will be away less than half an hour.

• if he wants to be at home.

• if neighbours are in, and know that ds is watching tv/playing on the computer.

• if ds knows he can knock on neighbour's door, or ring them, or ring me at any time.

I'm asking because sometimes if I have to collect another dc, ds doesn't want to come. He would prefer to be reading/listening to his iPod/watching TV, or going on Club Penguin. He is very trustworthy and sensible, wouldn't open the door to anyone or anything like that, and we know our neighbours very very well.

Usually I make him go round and watch TV at our neighbour's house if he doesn't want to come out with me (and the younger dc), just wondering when you can start to give a bit more freedom.

When I was 11/12 I would have been absolutely mortified if my mum insisted on walking me to school! My mates would have taken the piss out of me if I'd turned up at the school gates holding my mum's hand. I think some parents overreact WAY too much, okay at younger ages it's fair enough but once you're approaching teenage years then there's really no excuse to be mollycoddling your kids so much.

They must have been very passive 15 yr olds-mine would have told me in no uncertain terms that they weren't babies and didn't need a babysitter!
I can see that people are not ready to leave an 8yr old-which is why it is important to start with very controlled outings like popping next door for 5 minutes, (if you are the over protective type); but unless 15 yr olds have SN they are quite capable of following instructions and knowing what to do in an emergency. DCs had much more freedom before there were mobile phones- and you had to leave contact numbers-now they can get hold of you instantly and people are still frightened! My 15 yr used to babysit his 5yr old and 8yr old brothers in the evening-I couldn't use the babysitting circle for a teenager who was taller than the babysitter!

It is very interesting isn't it. At 15 I had a curfew and common sense, if I pulled anything too stupid my mother would have found out about it and my arse would have be royally kicked.

I also don't understand the fear of SS - I make the decisions for my DS not the government, not the SS and not NSPCC, I will have a look at their guidelines if I am unsure about something and then do what I decide to do regardless.

At 21 I got married and moved overseas. Thank goodness my Mum was of the "loose" apron strings persuasion otherwise that could have come as a bit of a shock!

When I was 8 I walked to school and back without a grown-up, as did virtually all my class.
I was speaking to someone the other day and he said that at 8 he came home from school every day to an empty house and made the coal fire for when his mum arrived home from work!
How times and attitudes change.

You have to let go eventually! There is a thread at the moment from a woman on holiday in Australia, her MIL is phoning her DH every couple of days to check that he is OK! She is getting a hard time from posters who think it is entirely reasonable and OP is the controlling one! I would bet that the MIL in question didn't give him any responsibility at 8yrs and she still thinks that something will go wrong if she isn't with him!

Hello again, I've just been telling dh how many responses have been on this thread. He asked why did I post in the first place, so I explained that I had been considering leaving ds1 at home the other day. His immediate response was surprise that I had even thought about it, but after I had explained the circumstances he reconsidered and thought it a good idea.

We both agreed that there was no way we would leave ds2 at home yet - he's 6 and wouldn't want to be on his own. He would want to stay if ds1 was here, but I don't want ds1 to feel in any way responsible for ds2 (that doesn't seem right) and also they might fight, or get up to mischief together.

I am planning that when ds1 is in yr 5 and ds2 in yr 3 they can walk to school together. I'm happier with them being left at home than I am with them being out on the roads.

All very interesting anyway. I don't think I shall be advertising the fact that I have left ds1 on his own yet - some people seem to feel quite strongly about it.

"I was literally like this when she told me; when we were that age we out trying to buy booze and pull boys!! "

LOL. So is that what you'd rather 15 year olds were doing then instead of being happy to stay the evening at home?

PLEASE tell me there's no one on here who thinks a 15 year old needs a babysitter?

saggyhairarse:
"Funny how this subject has come up when I am pondering the dilemma. It is INS at my DSs school on Monday but not my DDs school and so I am debating leaving him at home. I am put off by what people will think! But I used to completely fend for myself at this age (walk home from school, get tea on etc) and I think 'we' are a bit over protective nowadays. "

How old is he? By the time DD was at the end of year 7 I wouldlet her have the day at home. I think it depends alot on the individual child.

When DD was getting towards the end of primary we discussed what she would do at secondary. At primary there was an after school club we paid for her to go to (we both worked FT) I knew there was a sort of youth centre near her new school but when we put it to her she was adament she didn't want to go. She is quite a mature kid so in the end we got her her own key and from 11yo onwards she would let herself in and would then be alone for about 1 1/2 hours till one of us got home. She can make herself a snack, do homework, watch TV or whatever. Sometimes friends come round. She is in Y9 (14yo) now and has never burnt the house down(!) and has coped sensibly if anyone came to the door.

In the summer between Y7/Y8 she was very against being signed up to any sort of holiday club so for some of the time she spent all day on her own. I work in town just a mile away so I could get home quickly if necessary. I was more worried about her being bored but as it turned out she needed some new clothes for her holidays so we discussed what she needed and I gave her a budget then left some clothes money out each day. She did absolutely fine, got everything she needed and turned out to have a good eye for a bargain! I think it also did wonders for her confidence too to choose and buy her own stuff.

I don't know - guess it depends on maturity of child. However, I feel this is an appropriate thread to tell you all about someone DH and I know. Her son is 16 and when she goes out he is forbidden to answer the door to anyone - including DH and I, who he sees everyday. It is v strange.

I would not leave my children on their own but then they appear to be a chip of the old block. Despite being very mature for my years as a latchkey child I created several dangerous and life threatening situation at home.

I think that the rules should be age appropriate! At 8 yrs I told my DS not to open the door, but certainly by 16 yrs he could open it and answer the phone! Children never will be mature if they are not trusted. I expect that you learned by your mistakes oldenglishspangles-a very good reason to do it gradually.
You would like to think that the silence means that no one thinks a 15yr old needs a babysitter, seeker, but I doubt it somehow!

My mum used to leave me when I was about 8 if she had to go in to work (no more than about 4 hours) and I was off for any reason. The neighbours were on call and would pop in to check on me, I knew to go over there if there was a problem.

Worst I ever did was eat half a packet of biscuits.

She does say that she wouldn't have left my brother despite him being two years older as he had no common sense whatsoever.

Seeker I doubt that anyone thinks that a 15 year old needs a babysitter. But a poster above seemed to imply that a 15 year old being happy to stay home of an evening instead of going out and getting drunk was a bad thing!

It depends on a child.

I left my almost 8yo DS in front of TV today as he didn't want to go for a walk with me and DD. We were gone 30 minutes. I've done it before. He knows he is not to put a cooker on, not to answer the door and get out of the apartment immediately in case of fire. Also has my number and phone left next to him.

But he is intelligent and mature, so I don't worry.

Weird how some people here think there's a set age at which the kid is responsible enough.

I walked to and from school a mile when 6 years old.

I don't think it's healthy to keep the kids from becoming responsible- obviously wouldn't leave DS for hours or told him to cook himself dinner, but half an hour?

Sorry - should have been clearer, no of course I don't think it's better for 15 year olds to be out getting pissed and pulling boys than at home. What I meant was, that was the norm when I was that age, (as far as the parents were concerned, we were at the pictures or something, certainly out doing our own thing anyway). Neither my parents, nor the parents of anyone in my circle of friends would have remotely considered getting a babysitter for us at that age - most of us had been acting as babysitters ourselves for some time by then!

When I belonged to a baby sitting circle people left before their DCs got to 15yrs. I liked babysitting because it was peaceful with DCs either asleep or ready for bed-I wouldn't have wanted a teenager up and about.

I was babysitting not being babysat (clue surely is in the name?) at 14, let alone 15, as were most of my friends. Very strange.