in considering leaving my 8 year old home alone?

[kitkatsforbreakfast]

OK, I haven't done it yet, but I am considering it, in the following circumstances:

• If I have to pop out to pick up another dc and will be away less than half an hour.

• if he wants to be at home.

• if neighbours are in, and know that ds is watching tv/playing on the computer.

• if ds knows he can knock on neighbour's door, or ring them, or ring me at any time.

I'm asking because sometimes if I have to collect another dc, ds doesn't want to come. He would prefer to be reading/listening to his iPod/watching TV, or going on Club Penguin. He is very trustworthy and sensible, wouldn't open the door to anyone or anything like that, and we know our neighbours very very well.

Usually I make him go round and watch TV at our neighbour's house if he doesn't want to come out with me (and the younger dc), just wondering when you can start to give a bit more freedom.

leave my 8 year old alone for short periods 20 mins max.

But I usually ring him once and also make sure I am back as quickly as possible - I don't feel comfortable when I am out.

He has usual instructions of not to answer phone or open door if someone knocks.

DS1 (13) is home alone after school 3 days per week but he usually spends time with friends after school and I am back by 6pm.

You know your child best

Well, I did it today! And you were all right - nobody spontaneously combusted, the house didn't fall down, and he didn't raid the wine rack.

I did, however, let him play on club penguin while I was out (25 minutes max - would have been 20 but had to reverse down a narrow road and I surpassed myself with incompetence).

Do you really think that a year 3 child (just 8) could have any possibility of getting involved in something inappropriate on the internet? He only knows how to go on club penguin and a couple of other children's game sites. He has longer unsupervised computer time when friends come round to play...

Just interested.

I started leaving DD1 at that age. She has always been trustworthy and sensible and has always been fine.

i think it's fine and I'm sure I was in the house alone from time to time at that age. obviously depends on the child but it sounds like you know what you're doing.

re: Internet, I'd want a child site blocker because you never know what random word they might put into a search engine in a sort of semi innocent curiosity.

I have left my 8 year old ds alone a couple of times whilst popping to the shop, I was gone 20 mins at most and he was fine. I have just started letting him walk half-way home where I meet hm (there is a very busy main road by our house so not ready for that yet) and he loves being the only one in his class allowed to leave school alone. I was initially worried what other mums thought but decided to go with my instinct. My ds is very sensible and mature for his age so I feel he is ready for it.

I left DS1 alone from the age of 9.5 for about an hour to take DS2 to his swimming lesson 10 minutes up the road. Never had any worries, he was keen to be left and is quite sensible but when I went back to NZ (where my family live) for Christmas people were shocked when I mentioned it because apparently is against the law there for under-12s to be left at home alone!

I was trying to explain that it would be ridiculous to ban DS1 from being home alone at 11 if he was expected to cross London on the public transport at that age to go to secondary school but don't think I convinced anyone.

I'd leave him - I do leave my 10 yr old and 7 yr (almost 8) yr old for short periods and will leave the 10 yr old on his own for an hour or so.

Curious too as what they might get up to on the internet left alone for 20 minutes? My two never go on anything except Club Penguin and don't do chat rooms, or random googling. Their computer accounts are set with a child safe search and they have full browsing history. Am I missing something?

Cluttered - I grew up in NZ and we were left on our own under 12 years! Things must have changed in the 30 something years since I was 12.

You do get to some stage where you have to leave them even with the risk of getting delayed in traffic or the house catching fire. I mean, you are not going to be able to use those arguments when they are 17. You will find it difficult even when they are 14. So the thing to decide, and that is going to be different for each individual parent, is when your child is mature enough to have a reasonable chance of dealing with an emergency. It will depend on the child and on cultural expectations.

In the UK, the perception of what age maturity comes in has gone up by several years over the last three decades. This may be valid, but it is worth considering that it has not changed in the same way in many similar countries. Most Scandinavians would probably be perfectly happy with the idea of an 8yo looking after themselves for half an hour.

My general feeling is that Scandinavian children (and I think German too) have quite a high level of independence at this age: they take themselves to and from school, they play outside unsupervised for hours, they are used to taking independent decisions affecting their own safety. Like British 8yos were a generation ago.

Of course they might be put at risk- but so might an older child or an adult. You leavee your child alone by the time you can asssume that if the house caught fire, they would have similar opportunities to get out as an older child or an adult. Adults do after all get burnt to death too; that is a risk for everyone. And adults also panic and fail to get out if a fire is very sudden. I honestly don't think my 9yo (or last year my 9yo) would be at all more likely to panic in the event of fire than my 13yo.

If you got seriously delayed- well no harm would come to him from that, would it? My ds would wait for an hour or so, but then he would probably ring his dad at work.

I occasionally leave my 8 year old in similar circumstances. Maybe not for quite as long as half an hour, but thats just me being silly .

Actually, if I were in a car accident that caused me to delayed or injured, I'd rather that my children weren't in the car.

kitkatsforbreakfast Fri 15-Jan-10 22:10:06
Do you really think that a year 3 child (just 8) could have any possibility of getting involved in something inappropriate on the internet? He only knows how to go on club penguin and a couple of other children's game sites.

My DS would think half an hour unsupervised on Club Penguin was the ultimate of luxury and independence. He's so obsessed I can't imagine he's going to go and google "boobies" when he's got the chance of building a bigger igloo.

Am I being a bit PFB with all my DC's then? I NEVER left my DD alone until she was 11.6 and started secondary school, and that's ONLY because I have to collect the DC's from school. And she's left for a MAXIMUM of 1/2 an hour...And although my DS1 (7.9yo) is infinately more sensible etc than DD, I wouldn't CONSIDER leaving him at home yet. Not even for 5 minutes. Am I really odd? And BTW, YES, left alone he could (and probably would) access goodness only knows what online, he can bring up youtube without help. I would err on the side of caution and say I would probably be OK with leaving him for 1/2 an hour when he goes into Y6 (at 10.4yo) but not before. CRUMBS! I really am a bit PFB with them all, aren't I? Can't say as I am even that happy with DD being on her own for 1/2 hour, but I have no choice. It might be to do with her SN though. But am not sure, as everyone else is seemingly happy to leave their DC's alone at not much older than DS1 is right now...

I don't know if you are odd, Loudlass. People do things differently. It's about the child, and how sensible they are, and what other types of independence they are used to, and how much you trust them (I do actually trust mine not to use the internet unsupervised). It's also about what is the norm in your area.

Round here all secondary school children make their own way to school, either on foot or travelling across town using local buses (except dd who goes on disabled transport). It is also the norm for children in Yr 7 or 8 to go shopping with their friends in the town centre for a few hours (15 minutes bus ride). So it would be a bit odd to say that I trust you to go into town or to school, but not to stay at home for an hour, because home is so much more dangerous than crossing busy roads.

But I feel the same as ShellingPeas. If I were to be in a car crash, I would far rather my dcs were elsewhere, even if that did mean waiting a few hours and getting worried.

I leave my 8 year old while I take his sister to her bus most mornings.

Someone will come along soon to tell you that he will be abducted by aliens. Just make him a tin foil hat and he'll be fine!

Loudlass - no you are not odd. To be fair I've only got a toddler and baby so I haven't been put into this position yet however I do have lots of neices and nephews who i look after regularly of the 7-12 age group. I don't think i would ever leave my child for a second.

I'm not a worry wart, yes i do live in London (don't think it makes a difference to me) You may be able to trust your dc but you have no idea what can happen - gas, fire, break in etc etc and imo there's no 8 yr old that can deal with that.

just cos my child didn't want to pick up younger sibling, go to shops etc etc, i'd just make them!!!

My dd (7.5) is the same, she wants to be left at home if I have to go out for a bit. Thinking about it logically it seems fine, she is very sensible and will do exactly as I say, but something inside me says a resounding NO, DON'T DO IT - so I won't. Use your own judgement and decide.

shellingpeas yes I did too and was also left alone at a young age.

My cousin was recounting coming home from school alone aged about 7 and waiting for her slightly older siblings who went to a different school and knew the secret location of the key (my aunt worked and my cousin wasn't thought old enough to know). Apparently if she needed to go to the toilet before her siblings arrived home there was a spot in the garden she could use! Things have certainly changed in NZ!

loudlass - this is specifically intended to freak you out. I sometimes leave my 8 and 14 year olds home alone in the evening while I go out and they put themselves to bed and are asleep when I get home!

Seeing that at the age of 9 I was able to take a boat out on my own and to cook a 3 course dinner, I imagine I would also have been capable of leaving the house and bringing the Fire department in case of fire. And I would have been far less likely to get hysterical than my brother who was almost grown up by then.

As for dealing with a burglar- I'm 46 and I still couldn't deal with a burglar. How are you supposed to "deal" with it? I cannot fight a grown man and any attempt to do so would only result in my being killed or injured. I would have to do exactly what my 9yo would have to do: wait and hope he'd go away after he got what he wanted. If I was there when a burglar broke in, it would make no difference to my dcs: I could do absolutely nothing to protect them.

It is on a par with mothers staying with their children in a parked car "just in case it gets hit by another car". Yes, and just how is Mummy going to keep you from getting hurt if it does?

I think as mothers we tend to overestimate our protective powers. It's only in Harry Potter that a mother's love gives protection against a murderer. In real life he'd have killed Lily first and then have killed Harry.

i wont leave ds1 home on his own. he is nearly 11. i dont know why i wont do it, i will let him go to school and back on his own, or to the shop with his mates but not leave him home alone, but then i dont need to as there is usually an adult here when the kids are not at school

I was left on my own at about 7 [I think I was about 7]. I remember trying to rewire the iron and getting a shock.

Maybe I was a bit dim though. Possibly it was for longer too, so I had more chance to get bored and start trying to help mummy fix the iron.

Follow your nose I guess. You know your child.

I also managed to lock myself out of the house when I decided I was off for some milk. We had run out so I wasn't being entirely daft.

The rest of the time I was fine