in considering leaving my 8 year old home alone?

[kitkatsforbreakfast]

OK, I haven't done it yet, but I am considering it, in the following circumstances:

• If I have to pop out to pick up another dc and will be away less than half an hour.

• if he wants to be at home.

• if neighbours are in, and know that ds is watching tv/playing on the computer.

• if ds knows he can knock on neighbour's door, or ring them, or ring me at any time.

I'm asking because sometimes if I have to collect another dc, ds doesn't want to come. He would prefer to be reading/listening to his iPod/watching TV, or going on Club Penguin. He is very trustworthy and sensible, wouldn't open the door to anyone or anything like that, and we know our neighbours very very well.

Usually I make him go round and watch TV at our neighbour's house if he doesn't want to come out with me (and the younger dc), just wondering when you can start to give a bit more freedom.

"I think one of the scariest things about being a child is the feeling that you are totally dependent on adults for your safety. "

This makes no sense. A child expects an adult to keep them safe, it's not a scary feeling to have that expectation met .

Seeker - I don't think it is safe for a number of reasons, primarily the risk of fire or break-ins. A fellow MN recently had a fire because she accidently brushed the front of the cooker as she was passing. I would never forgive myself if I left my dd alone in the house and something like this were to happen. I also do not know my neighbours well enough to trust them to "listen out" for my dd so would not be happy with that arrangement.

I am not going to get into a debate about this. The OP asked if she was being unreasonable to leave her 8 year old home alone. No, I do not think she is being unreasonable and he is her son and the parenting decisions are hers alone. Just as my decision NOT to leave my DD alone is my parenting decision and it should be respected just as you respect OP decision.

I agree with you ABM. A lot of how I live my life is would i forgive myself if something happened and basically if i left my dc at home alone aged 8 and something happened I would never forgive myself.

Yes, i know that things can happen while out and about and i could have an accident etc etc etc however personally I wouldn't leave my child along at that age.

This is just my opinion and I'm not up for a debate cos it's every parents decision.

I'm currently trying to get hold of my mum to see when she left me alone - am interested.

Well I didn't know that a MN recently had a fire - but it seems that that happened whilst adult was in house as you said ' a MN brushed past the cooker'.

If you leave a child at home then you have to calculate the risks and take preventative steps to stop the incidents/ accidents that may happen.

One of them being never leave an exposed flame when kids are left at home , very simple risk assessment .

the chances of being broken into whilst the house is occupied is small ,(unless you have loads of dosh and they want your Cartier jewels !). I think you would have a higher chance of being involved in a car crash.

Sorry I didn't explain that very well. A MNer posted on facebook that she had a fire as she brushed past the cooker as she was on her way out (with the dc). There was no one in the house. My point was that had she had a older child whom she let stay behind, the story could have been much much worse.

Again, you obviously feel comfortable leaving your dc in the house unsupervised. I am not. But to each their own.

So you never take your child in the car because you would never be able to forgive yourself if you had a crash?

So she was going to leave the cooker on whilst she went out ?

Ah well each to our own !

Stop grasping seeker. I know accidents happen all the time. How many more times do I need to say this? It is my choice how I raise my child and my choice if I choose not to allow her to be in the house alone. Stop being so bloody argumentative and just accept that gasp some people may choose to parent in a different manner to you.

Sorry. I didn't think I was being argumentative - I thought I was debating.

I do feel incredibly strongly, however, that a skewed perception of risk in this country is causing organizations and individuals to behave in ways that are actively damaging to children as they grow up and to society at large.

And that is your right, of course. I didn't come on here to debate. The OP asked whether she was being unreasonable - I answered with my point of view. Apparently that meant I wanted to debate??

My 8yr old is fine being left for up to half an hour. I leave for work before her and she lets herself out, and then back in again at the end of the day. It's only 20 minutes or so, my next door neighbour is always in at that time, and DD's friend up the street has the same arrangement so often go to one or other house to have some company until they have to leave.

DD is sensible, knows not to touch anything, and when I leave she is ready to leave so just watches TV.

She is home around 3.10-15 and I get home at 3.25. I only work 3 days so it's not too much, and I finish early on a Thursday so am home before her that day.

I really don't see a problem with it and neither does DD.

My neighbour won't do it, not even with her 8yr old as she also has a 7yr old who would want to stay too and they'd get into mischief, or fight and argue.
I wouldn't leave them either!
You have to make a decision based on your own child and circumstances.

yes mine stay at home, go to the shops, go out on their bikes, to the playground etc. etc. (8 and 9)

like others have said, in 2 years time, they will be off to secondary school, crossing roads, cycling all over the place, catching buses etc. I don't know how you introduce that all in one go if you haven't let them do little things beforehand (unless you plan on shepherding them to secondary school which they won't thank you for!)

Usually expressing an opinion on "Am I being unreasonable?" suggests that you are interested in the subject and are prepared to discuss your own position. Particularly when you have said that in your opinion something that others are doing is dangerous.

Anyway, I am prepared to bet that your dd will have her own opinions on the subject by the time she's 13! I presume you will still be walking her to school then?

The cooker hazard must be fairly slight provided your children can be trusted not to turn it on when you are out. How many cookers can be turned on by accidentally brushing against them? And if you had one of those, why not simply tell the children to stay out of the kitchen?

Besides, even if there was a fire: we are not talking of children who are asleep and therefore not likely to notice a fire. Unless we keep explosives in the house or at the top floor of a high rise block, most people who are awake do get enough warning to walk out through the door. That would apply to an 8yo too. The answer is training.

What I can't understand is why all this is so dangerous in this country when other countries (including some with extremely high reputations for child welfare) can manage without any increased child mortality?

I don't know whether I will be walking her to school. It will depend how near to the school we live and how mature she proves to be.

All I can think of is the risk of alien abduction......

they don't have The Daily Mail cory

"Please will someone explain to me why it is safer for an 8 year old to be out in the car on icy roads or walking on icy pavements (extremely small but real risk of injury or even death) than sitting at home alone on a bean bag watching TV?"

I asked this before but nobody answered me except people who agree with me and don't think it is. Pleas will somebody who does think it is explain their thinking to me?

The risks of anything happening when left in the house alone for short periods are small, especially if you have sensible rules and trust your children to follow them.

The very fact that accidents involving children left on their own are so rare are the very reason they feature in the news when they do happen.

I've been reading Risk the Politics of Fear by Dan Gardner - it's a fascinating read and explains an awful lot about how perceptions of risk are skewed.

My son is 8.10 and I wouldn't leave him unless I was going to a neighbours for literally 5 minutes.

My 6 year old is very sensible and I could trust her to read a book and not move but I would still only leave her for 5 minutes.

My 4 year old I would only leave to empty the bin so about 12 seconds.

I think it depends on where you live too. My shops are a drive away so that isn't going to happen.

DS is 6 and DD is 4. I don't leave them on their own at the moment.

But I will happily go and take the bins out - am probably out for about 3 minutes as need to take then down to the bottom of the drive. So I suppose I do leave them on their own.

In our village there is a lower school (up to year 4) and middle school (from year 5). Most children who live in the village will get themselves to and from middle school - I think it starts earlier than lower school so although I am sure for the first week or so DD and I will take DS to middle school, after that he will probably go on his own, so at the age of 9/10 most children here will walk between 5-15 minutes to school on their own.

I think that because this is what I am expecting to happen, it seems "right"