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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential fraud?

411 replies

DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 14:30

I am prepared to be flamed so go ahead but WWYD in my situation?

In brief - DH and I split up last year. 6 months ago, I lost my job due to depression and have since started getting better, have been living on benefits since then with DH paying maintenance for our 3 DCs. I have been desperately trying to get another job but my sickness record at my last job has gone against me. Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house because the landlord wants to sell - runs out end of Jan.

Over the last few months DH and I have been giving our relationship another go and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned) and I have just found out I'm pregnant which was not supposed to happen . We have discussed it at length and want to get back together (we split up because we have been through a lot of shit over the last few years and blamed each other and basically were hating each other all the time). Time apart has helped sort that out and he has been round almost everyday to see the kids so they have not been that badly affected.

Now I had been to the council (before I found out about the pregnancy) and told them that I am about to be made homeless and they basically said that I would have to find another private rent or they would put me in a B&B.

Now bad as this sounds, I want to try for a council house (even if it means a B&B for a few months as the rents are so high in this area (1000 for a passable 3 bed and now I will need a 4 bed which will be about 1200) so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens. DH works but only brings in about 1800 a month and we will never be able to live on his wage in private rented especially as I won't be able to work with a baby and I can't stand the insecurity of having to move all the time (we have moved 3 times in the last 3 years). I am also bankrupt and will not be able to private rent unless I have a guarantor which I don't! Part of the reason for the problems with DH and I were financial as we lost everything (including our own home) when his business went under a few years back. He will also have to go bankrupt soon as his debts have been hanging around and with another child to pay for, he will not be able to pay them.

DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

OP posts:
HopingForChristmasSexOnFire · 22/12/2009 14:41

Your post could have been written by me.

There is a complete lack of affordable housing and being allocated social housing is the only way many families are able to live securely. YNBU for requesting acommodation.

As for claiming a s a single parent...DH is not living with you and therefore you can present as a lone parent. It may be the safest thing to do in fact, becuase if your relationship is volatile in the future, you will have the security of being in control of the roof and your soon to be 4 DCs.

I'm maybe a bit cynical but if I were you I would do what I had to do to provide a home for my DCs.

ReindeerInaSkoda · 22/12/2009 14:41

YANBU, because you need to look after yourself and your dcs. You are not living together and to be brutally honest it still might not work out. Be aware that the council will probably offer you a 3 bed btw, not a four bed (depending on your dc's ages/sex). And whatever you do as soon as your dh moves in with you, go legit otherwise you will be busted big time (and quite right, too).

YABU though if you think it will be OK to live in a B&B for months. It will be utter shite. You also need to work out what tax credits and so on you'll be able to claim before assuming that you cannot live on "only" £1,800 p/m. You might find tht your dh can rent privately - in which ccase you could still go on the housing list(although the wait will be years rather than months).

HopingForChristmasSexOnFire · 22/12/2009 14:42

of the roof above the heads of

pah

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 14:51

Have you ever lived in a B&B or shelter with young children?

Because it's utter shit.

My SIL had to for 10 months with her 10 and 9-year-old after her ex-partner ran over her with a car and nearly killed her.

It was awful. You can't stay there all day - you have to have somewhere to hang out during the day.

A lot of the other occupants were criminals (yep, all women, many with kids and drug/alcohol problems).

Her stuff got stolen more than once.

No cooking facilities at all.

Some shared bathroom facilities.

You really don't want to go down this route if you can avoid it.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 14:56

Thanks Hoping and Reindeer. I really don't know what to think at the moment so I appreciate your comments. I never, ever thought I would be in a position where I would beg for a council house but I have slid down the ladder of lowness so much in the last few years and really can't face another insecure private tenancy which we will not be able to afford one one wage. 1800 is not a lot when council tax is another 200 a month on top. I will check tax credits though.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 14:59

you might also be eligible for partial housing benefit if you are low income.

we got a council flat, BUT we've had increasing problems with neighbours and so now we're having to try to find another private rental.

if you don't get good neighbours your life could be miserable.

lou031205 · 22/12/2009 15:00

YABU for many reasons:

-Actually co-habiting is not the definition of being in a couple for the DSS. You are already back together, however you dress it up.

-Your DH earns double my DH's wage, and we have 3 children. I don't think you can say 'only £1800'.

-If you can't get private rented accom because of your credit history you will be unintentionally homeless so a housing priority anyway.

-The council offer bond deposit schemes.

-HB is payable even if you earn an income.

-It is simply fraud.

HopingForChristmasSexOnFire · 22/12/2009 15:01

I don't know what part of the country you are in but does your council only offer temporary accom in b&Bs? Some have a stock of temp housing and you can be lucky sometimes (I was .

And expat and reindeer are right, BandBs are shit but it's the devil and the deep blue sea sometimes. I hope this works out for you and if you go for the housing bang on and on about needing a flat rather than shared accom.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 15:04

Expat - I think I am probably looking through rose-tinted specs and expecting a new build like my cousin on the edge of a private estate which I know in reality I won't get.

that you're having to go back into private renting because of your neighbours. That is frightening.

OP posts:
RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 15:05

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NancyDrewRocks · 22/12/2009 15:06

The fact that you state you "need" a four bed house totally wipes out any sympathy I might have had for you.

HopingForChristmasSexOnFire · 22/12/2009 15:06

I'm not sure it is fraud, actually. OP has vulnerable dependents, is pregnant and is about to be made homeless.

And sometimes having a bad credit history is a result of having mental health issues (in some cases) and therefore people should not be penalised for making themselves unintentionally homeless if landlords do not accept them.

Not that I'm in any way saying the OP has MH issues just that having a bad credit rating isn't always a sign that someone's a criminal or has no conscience.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 15:07

Reality: Err, well maybe up North it would be but I have stated the cost of renting here in the South East and that is for a basic terraced .

OP posts:
RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 15:07

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expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 15:07

Well, that's a fair point, Reality.

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 15:07

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RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 15:08

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FluffyPumpkins · 22/12/2009 15:08

we went into a temporary place thinking it was just that temporary..

waited 6 years for even a first viewing.

also can i ask why you would need a 4 bed?

NickeeS · 22/12/2009 15:09

YABU...

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 15:10

Yeah, you don't need a 4-bed, and if any of your children are under 10 they'll count as half a person as far as the council's allocation of your need.

Even if they are over 10, the same-sex children will be classed as needing one bed for 2 children.

I know plenty of people with 4 or 5 children in a two-bed.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 15:11

Nancy - why? I have a teen boy in a box room. Two younger children in a in a 9ft by 7ft room and then my room. The baby could stay with me until it's older - but I would eventually need another room. I am not after sympathy anyway .

OP posts:
Lulumama · 22/12/2009 15:12

you don;t need 4 beds. you would like 4 beds, but you might have to cope with 3

surely you should look at renting somewhere smaller,so you can get back on your feert, get the debts paid off and look at buying in the future?

you should also go to the CAB and find out what tax credits etc you are entitled to

you are intentionally being fraudulent
i imagine if you got found out, the consequences would be far more unsettling than having to move once a year.

Original poster
DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 15:12

Reality - I would love to pay a mortgage but will never be able to get one. Is yours 1000 a month by any chance??

OP posts:
Lulumama · 22/12/2009 15:13

baby is not born yet, and could easily stay in you room for the first 6 months if not longer, that gives you a breathing space of a year or more before you need a 4th bedroom.

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 15:14

'surely you should look at renting somewhere smaller,so you can get back on your feert, get the debts paid off and look at buying in the future?'

No, they went bankrupt instead, Lulu.

And then 'fell into bed' and 'just happened' to fall pregnant.

Now they'd like to live in a nice new-build 4bed house paid for by someone else, please.

Me, too!