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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential fraud?

411 replies

DontKnowWhatToDoNext · 22/12/2009 14:30

I am prepared to be flamed so go ahead but WWYD in my situation?

In brief - DH and I split up last year. 6 months ago, I lost my job due to depression and have since started getting better, have been living on benefits since then with DH paying maintenance for our 3 DCs. I have been desperately trying to get another job but my sickness record at my last job has gone against me. Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house because the landlord wants to sell - runs out end of Jan.

Over the last few months DH and I have been giving our relationship another go and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned) and I have just found out I'm pregnant which was not supposed to happen . We have discussed it at length and want to get back together (we split up because we have been through a lot of shit over the last few years and blamed each other and basically were hating each other all the time). Time apart has helped sort that out and he has been round almost everyday to see the kids so they have not been that badly affected.

Now I had been to the council (before I found out about the pregnancy) and told them that I am about to be made homeless and they basically said that I would have to find another private rent or they would put me in a B&B.

Now bad as this sounds, I want to try for a council house (even if it means a B&B for a few months as the rents are so high in this area (1000 for a passable 3 bed and now I will need a 4 bed which will be about 1200) so do not intend to get back with DH 'officially' until this happens. DH works but only brings in about 1800 a month and we will never be able to live on his wage in private rented especially as I won't be able to work with a baby and I can't stand the insecurity of having to move all the time (we have moved 3 times in the last 3 years). I am also bankrupt and will not be able to private rent unless I have a guarantor which I don't! Part of the reason for the problems with DH and I were financial as we lost everything (including our own home) when his business went under a few years back. He will also have to go bankrupt soon as his debts have been hanging around and with another child to pay for, he will not be able to pay them.

DH has his own flat and is not actually living with me so AIBU and a total scumbag to try and get a council house as a single parent??

OP posts:
pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 22/12/2009 15:37

Why on earth do you need bedrooms?

NancyDrewRocks · 22/12/2009 15:38

Full of Christmas Cheer aren't you?!

You post in AIBU

You admit what you are doing is fraud in your OP.

You say you are prepared to be flamed.

Plenty of people manage on far less than you do. You need to get a grip and take some responsibility for your actions.

Calling Expat and Reality names is not doing you any favours at all.

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 22/12/2009 15:39

YABU.

HTH.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 15:44

op, I would just like you to take a little gander at this thread

as you were...

marantha · 22/12/2009 15:45

Oh god, the stupidity and viciousness of some here overwhelms me.
You cannot be cohabiting with someone IF they keep a separate address from you where they pay their own bills and so on.
Go see CAB, OP, don't listen to these people.

marantha · 22/12/2009 15:48

You are all so judgemental that you are unable to separate morality from common sense.
You cannot be cohabiting with someone if you don't live with them.
This is why some married people can be classed as "single" and some cohabitees as "married".

NancyDrewRocks · 22/12/2009 15:49

marantha that is not true: the DSS do not have any set rules and each case is considered on its individual merits. Ok so they probably couldn't prove the point but that is not really the point is it?

How do you feel about the example I gave earlier: DH and I wont be living together next year whilst he is abroad. Surely it is indefensible for me to claim benefits?

marantha · 22/12/2009 15:50

OP, you can only be accused of fraud IF your partner is ACTUALLY living with you.

RealityIsRoastingChestnuts · 22/12/2009 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 22/12/2009 15:51

marantha, why are you fixating on what on person said, and repeating it incorrectly?
AFAI can see lou said
'-Actually co-habiting is not the definition of being in a couple for the DSS. You are already back together, however you dress it up.'

That is not what you are saying.
And I feel you are missing the point somewhat. OP wants to lie in oder to get the bigger hosue she feels entitled to, as they have 'low' wages.
Which aren't even that low.
And then when people tell her she IBU, which is a quesiton she asked, she gets very aggressive and rude.

lou031205 · 22/12/2009 15:53

maranatha, if you google the dwp decision makers' guide, you will see that there are several aspects that they consider to establish if two people are LTAHAW, not just addresses. A woman who says she intends to be together with her husband long-term, has had regular and unprotected intercourse with him, and is pregnant with his child, is unlikely to be too convincing in trotting out the single parent line, imo.

marantha · 22/12/2009 15:53

Yes, it is the point, NancyDrewRocks, I don't give a s**t about morality.
If OP and partner can PROVE that they have separate addresses where they both maintain SEPARATE households, they are not COHABITING for goodness sake!

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 22/12/2009 15:53

Oh, and to add to previous points I know a MNer who has 6 children in a 3 bed house. So you do not need 4 beds.

purplepeony · 22/12/2009 15:53

YABVU

Grossly irresponsible to become pregnant like that considering your mental and financial situations- if you had taken a belt and braces approach to birth control it might not have happened. Don't know your ethics on termination but in your case I would consider it- seriously.

Anyway,lecture over - what now? It seems to me that if your DH can afford a flat for himself, and to pay you maintenance for 3 children, then there should be some money available to rent somewhere for you all.

It's not so much the idea of a council house that appalls me but how you are also trying to buck the benefit system- you would surely lose a lot of them if they knew you were being provided for ( and I mean moving back in with) by a DH earning £30k?

You both sound grossly irresponsible- one fo you earns £30K, you will get tax credits and child allowance and God knows what else, but you say you can't manage?

I agree with the others who say cut your cloth- find a smaller property- maybe move a few miles to somewhere cheaper and stop trying to sponge off the tax payer- that's me- who is working my butt off to keep my own family.

nothingofthesort · 22/12/2009 15:54

Why is it that hardworking people who pay their way through life don't seem to have these "accidents"? [Genuine question emoticon]

marantha · 22/12/2009 15:54

I am sorry but the impression I get from some here is that just because the OP and her partner have got back together they are cohabiting.
Not true. As long as they are not actually living together, they will be OK.

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 22/12/2009 15:57

YABVVVVU.

Telling people to fuck right off, why don't you fuck off with your "I need to commit fraud to get a 4bed house" routine.

I've got 3 kids in a 2 bed, which I pay for all by myself, over £1k a month.

in answer to your question, yes you are a scumbag.

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 22/12/2009 15:58

THey may well be 'ok' within the letter of the law, but the OP knows she isn't a sngle parent and will be taking resources away from a real single parent.
That is why she IBU.

purplepeony · 22/12/2009 15:58

marantha- yes, true, but the point is that they intend to get back together once she has got a council house. She is going to pretend* she is single/separated to get the house then he will move in later.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 22/12/2009 15:59

I don't understand how you are renting now, but need a guarantor for (another) private rental?

Did I miss something?

marantha · 22/12/2009 16:02

purplepeony, well then if he intends moving in later and supporting her financially then it is questionable by the dwp.
Some have suggested here that merely having sex is enough to deem people to be cohabiting- it is not. The clue's in the word "cohabiting" folks, like you have to be actually living with them.

nothingofthesort · 22/12/2009 16:02

"Last month, I was given notice to quit my rented house"

"and fell into bed last month (definitely not planned)"

What a coincidence that you were given notice to quit your house and you accidentally "fell into bed" at the very same time.

daisydora · 22/12/2009 16:03

OP YABU

Your DH has his own place, surely you could move (before he becomes bankrupt) to another place that is larger? Although you do not need a 4 bed, just bloody ridiculous of you to say you do.

I am also a bit fecked off that you think £1800 is on the breadline. You seem a bit precious if you feel that you couln't survive on it...regardless of your postcode.

marantha · 22/12/2009 16:04

purplepeony where does it say that OP plans to have partner moving in with her? Getting back with someone does not necessarily mean that they plan to cohabit.

NancyDrewRocks · 22/12/2009 16:05

marantha no one has suggested that sex is enough to deem people as cohabiting. You are obsessed with cohabiting and the definitions thereof and allow your imagine to run away with you....

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