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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this girl was right to let the door swing shut in the old lady's face?

190 replies

AKMD · 22/12/2009 10:25

This was in Sainsbury's. The girl, I'd guess at about 14 years old, was coming out of the loos infront of an old lady with a zimmer frame. The girl held the door open for her (as you would for anyone IMO) and the old lady started screeching at her that she could manage very well on her own and to let the door go immediately! The girl was obviously hugely embarrassed but continued to hold the door open as letting go of the door at that point would have meant it hitting the old lady, but the lady was screaming at her at the top of her voice and being really rude, so after about 10 seconds of looking to be frozen in panic, the girl let the heavy door swing shut, with the predictable consequence of it knocking the old lady backwards (not onto the floor, just back). Cue immediate outrage from shoppers running to help said old lady and the girl bursting into tears. AIBU to think that she was right?

OP posts:
bogie · 22/12/2009 10:26

Yanbu I think I would have done the same tbh

Lulumama · 22/12/2009 10:27

of course she wasn;t right!! how can it be right to let a door knock someone down, who was old and frail enough to need a zimmer!

she could have said she was going to let the door go, or tell the lady to move back

gods sake, of course it's not ok how would you feel if it was your grandma??

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 10:28

yanbu

what a horrible way to treat a young girl who was only trying to help

did you have a word with the girl and say "don't take it personally, some old people are just nasty..."

Lulumama · 22/12/2009 10:28

ok, not knock someone down, but knock them backwards. if she had fallen, she could have broken a hip

being rude is not nice, but neither is letting a door hit someone.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/12/2009 10:29

At 14 I would have done. Now I think I would have crossly told her to hurry up and come through whilst holding the door open in a bossy voice.
Poor girl though! Old lady sounds mean.

rubyslippedonastraymincepie · 22/12/2009 10:30

YABU

the old lady was horrid but no reason to have a door swung shut on her

the girl was trying to be nice, so i do feel sorry that she got a mouthful

pooexplosionsonthedustyroad · 22/12/2009 10:31

She wasn't right, but she wasn't wrong either, poor thing.
How would I feel if it was my gran? I'd think she'd lost it and/or was being a mean old bint to someone who didn't deserve it.
Where were the outraged shoppers when the old lady was screaming at the girl? Its no wonder teenagers are so alienated in society, they can never do anything right.....

SlartyBartFast · 22/12/2009 10:31

poor girl,
lady obviously a nutter.

gorionine · 22/12/2009 10:32

I think she tried her best to help and got that swung to her face so no, I do not blame her, altghough as an adult I might have gone for kat2907's way.

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2009 10:34

She did as she was told! By someone who was being incredibly rude to her. Doesn't sound like she did it out of nastiness, just that she didn't know what to do as the old lady was shouting at her to let the door go

Wineonafridaynight · 22/12/2009 10:35

Poor girl! I think at her age I would have been horrified and let the door go. Now I would tell her that in future I'd make sure not to hold the door open for anyone but if I let it go now it would knock her over!

pellmell · 22/12/2009 10:35

one day we will be old and maybe have dementia, alzheimas(sp)etc.
The lady may have always been horrid or she may have some condition affecting her behavior.
Poor young girl anyway ....one day hopefully she will see that incident differently.

Casserole · 22/12/2009 10:36

Poor girl! I don't think there was any good way of that ending, bless her. YANBU

GreensElves · 22/12/2009 10:37

what was the girl supposed to do, having been ordered to let the door go? She was trying to be considerate and helpful and got barked at, then didn't know what to do, let the door go and then burst into tears when it hit the old lady

agree that teenagers can do no right for some people

and also that old lady may not be able to help being rude

it's just very sad, really

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2009 10:37

yes, I agree, probably not the old woman's "fault" either, but from the girl's point of view, she was being told what to do by an adult, doubt she'd have thought through the dementia angle

Pineapplechunks · 22/12/2009 10:39

Oh poor girl. I don't think there's right or wrong in that situation. A slightly dotty old dear struggling to retain some independence in life and a nicely brought up girl knowing she should hold the door open. If she weren't crippled by the embarrassment of teenage years then she could have told the old woman the door was going to hit her if she let go and that she wasn't going to.

Mongolia · 22/12/2009 10:41

Lulumama, you can't expect a 14 year old to be strong enough to take the abuse of an old bat demanding her to do exactly the opposite she was doing.

In any case, 14 year old ultimately did what she was yelled to do. Poor old woman, perhaps too old to learn a lesson.

Original poster
AKMD · 22/12/2009 10:42

Just to be clear, if it were me in that situation I would have done the same as Kat, however I think at 14 I would have done the same thing.

OP posts:
ReindeerInaSkoda · 22/12/2009 10:43

I hope someone said something (nice that is) to the poor girl.

Weegle · 22/12/2009 10:45

YANBU

At 14 such an incidence would have seriously upset me - you are unlikely to have understanding that dementia can make elderly people, frankly, bloody arsey and rude. I too wouldn't have known what to do and faced with an elderly person shouting at me I would have done what they asked. You can't apply an adult's ability to handle that situation to a 14 year old.

If I had witnessed the same situation I would have intervened and gone and held the door off the girl and then told the lady to either stand back whilst I let go of the door, or refuse to let go until it was safe to do so. But now in my thirties I am big enough and ugly enough, with enough understanding of elderly foibles, to deal with it.

StrawberriesandCherries · 22/12/2009 10:47

Poor girl - she must of been mortified if she burst into tears. What an old cow the woman sounds.

Did anyone console the girl?

gobsmackedetal · 22/12/2009 10:48

YANBU, the old lady had it coming IMO.

I feel sorry for the girl though, as I'm sure all the "hollier than thou" ar**es around probably gave her nasty looks (at least) for letting the door go, without having a clue about what had happened

Flightattendant · 22/12/2009 10:49

I think the girl probably panicked, I wouldnt think to blame her...though in hindsight letting it go slowly might have been safer...

I think if it happened now, to me, I would say 'If I let this go it's going to whack you! you silly old bint' but then I doubt she would shout at someone as scary as me anyway.

Weird thing to happen ...hope the girlw as OK.

Poledra · 22/12/2009 10:49

YANBU. I would hope that, had I seen it, I would have had the presence of mind to go and take the door from the young girl and deal with it for her. In no way would I have known what to do for the best when I was 14.

As someone else said, there wasn't really a good way for this to go

Ronaldinhio · 22/12/2009 10:53

lulumama the girl did what the old brute, repeatedly and rudely, screamed at her to do

she was a child trying to be polite and helpful and getting a mouthful for her trouble
What will she do next time when she is placed in the same situation

blardy old people, can't always win with them but a broken hip would NOT have been the girls fault