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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this girl was right to let the door swing shut in the old lady's face?

190 replies

AKMD · 22/12/2009 10:25

This was in Sainsbury's. The girl, I'd guess at about 14 years old, was coming out of the loos infront of an old lady with a zimmer frame. The girl held the door open for her (as you would for anyone IMO) and the old lady started screeching at her that she could manage very well on her own and to let the door go immediately! The girl was obviously hugely embarrassed but continued to hold the door open as letting go of the door at that point would have meant it hitting the old lady, but the lady was screaming at her at the top of her voice and being really rude, so after about 10 seconds of looking to be frozen in panic, the girl let the heavy door swing shut, with the predictable consequence of it knocking the old lady backwards (not onto the floor, just back). Cue immediate outrage from shoppers running to help said old lady and the girl bursting into tears. AIBU to think that she was right?

OP posts:
Mongolia · 22/12/2009 10:53

So, AKMD, what was the public consensus once the woman has been hit with the door? I suWhat did you do?

ScreaminEagle · 22/12/2009 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBe · 22/12/2009 10:57

I don't see why we should automatically assume the old woman had dimentia. Perhaps she was just a miserable old witch.

The woman was out of order, and while perhaps the girl shouldn't have let the door go I don't really see how she had much choice.

Imo we spend too much time excusing people's behavior sometimes, and the behavior of the old woman was unacceptable. If she has a condition that means she is not responsible for the way she behaves them maybe she ought to be accompanied by someone who can explain to others why she reacts the way she does.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 10:59

Yes the girl was right, some elderly can be soooo rude and downright nasty (dont think all elderly folk are sweet and smily no way), how do they expect other people to be polite to them and show manners when they are clearly lacking in them its disgusting on the elderly ladies part. This happened when i gave up my seat on a bus for an elderly lady, she just brushed passed me huffed and puffed and sat down, not even a smile, does not cost much imo.

SantaWears2SnowShoes · 22/12/2009 11:00

yabu
feel for the girl but knocking her over!!!

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:03

That girl was only a child anbd was scared stiff by that nasty old bag lady screeching at her. She is not an adult with adult reactions, i would have held the door open and told her to be grateful and not so bloody rude but the girl is a child with wihout adult insight. why did nobody go and help the girl open the door or with that situation instead of getting annnoyed with her when the old lady screeched at her to let the door go. Serves that lady right imo, next time she will be grateful for someone displaying manners unlike her

Jux · 22/12/2009 11:04

two wrongs don't make a right!

The old lady was horrible, but the girl was lucky that the door didn't knock the old lady over. If the old bag had suffered an injury sufficient to need medical attention there is no doubt that the girl would have been held responsible, and rightly so.

I do feel for the girl though. It's hard to be abused for a good deed, but she still shouldn't have let the door go.

Mongolia · 22/12/2009 11:05

Girl couldn't have predicted old lady was going to be knocked over. She only did as she aggressively was told to do.

OrmIrian · 22/12/2009 11:08

Poor girl

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:09

Exactly mongolia, we are talking from an adult perspective, put yourself in the girls shoes, she was probably scared stiff and let the door go out of fright and being scared. If i had been shouted at at that age i probably would have wet myself and started crying, now through adult eyes i would have handled the situation differently by telling the old bag to be grateful, continuing to hold the door open for her and to not be so rude as she is setting a bad example to others.

missorinoco · 22/12/2009 11:10

Poor girl. She's 14, and from her point of view she is trying to do something nice and the sdult shouts at her to let go of the door. She avoids doing so for as lomg as possible, whilst no doubt everyone is watching her and no one saying anything supportive. So finally she lets go, and the lady gets knocked back. At 14 I would have done the same too. I don't think it was the correct thing to do, but I can see why she did it. I also doubt in that situation she expected the lady to get hurt.

I like the plan of taking the door from her and closing it myself if need be.

joanne34 · 22/12/2009 11:14

Old people ! Shouldnt be out anyway !

clairefromsteps · 22/12/2009 11:19

I'm with joanne34! I don't know much about mental illness, but if the old lady has dementia to such an extent that it has transformed her into a screeching old harpy, then shouldn't she have a companion with her when she goes out to make sure she doesn't come a cropper? And if she didn't have dementia and was in fact just a grumpy old bezzom, then she shouldn't be allowed out to harangue other people anyway!

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:19

Why did nobody help the girl with that situation, and when she did let the door go out of fright probably they were quick to critisise her, as if ALL elderly are perfect and can do nothing wrong

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:21

We dont know if she had dementia, some are just plain rude and grumpy and think the world owes them a favour.

TipsyFairydifferentID · 22/12/2009 11:21

For a start the old biddy was not knocked over, just backwards.
I agree with whoever said this was why teenagers get a rep for being rude- lets face it as an adult if I had that torrent of abuse I would have thought why the hell should I bother?

joanne34 · 22/12/2009 11:24

Some old people are horrible too... fact !

:D

Mongolia · 22/12/2009 11:26

Where has the OP gone?

Buddleja · 22/12/2009 11:33

Maybe the OP's out granny bashing with the 14 year old.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:33

The op obviously witnessed it as she has told us what had happened, why did she not intervene then, and as an adult taken over the situation from the girl who was finding hard to deal with the abuse

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2009 11:36

Jux, what should she havr done?
wannabe, i agree, the scale is angry miserable cow to dementia, but either way, it's not the girl's fault!

ImSoNotTelling · 22/12/2009 11:37

Jux you think that in your worse scenario she should have been arrested?

I have to say I agree with the vast majority of others on this thread. Children are programmed to do as they are told, on the whole (despite what the DM might say), and the poor thing had no idea what to do. I feel really sorry for her.

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 11:43

I agree with wannabe.

Then people wonder why 'youth' of today have 'no manners'.

Poor girl.

I'd have told that poor girl not to take it personally and complimented her on her thoughtfulness.

ImSoNotTelling · 22/12/2009 11:51

It can be hard to know what to do even for adults piglet, sometimes I think afterwards what I should have done. I don't know if I would have had the presence of mind to step in in this situaiton, though I like to think I would have. I might well have just stood there with my mouth hanging open and my brain not really working, I'm sorry to say

Would deffo have gone over to her when she started crying though, poor thing.

skay123 · 22/12/2009 11:51

No wonder children these days aren't polite.

This girl, being a very good girl, held the door open for an old lady.

The old lady should not have shouted at her. How mean.

Now this young girl will remember this incident and as a result will not hold doors open for anyone.