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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this girl was right to let the door swing shut in the old lady's face?

190 replies

AKMD · 22/12/2009 10:25

This was in Sainsbury's. The girl, I'd guess at about 14 years old, was coming out of the loos infront of an old lady with a zimmer frame. The girl held the door open for her (as you would for anyone IMO) and the old lady started screeching at her that she could manage very well on her own and to let the door go immediately! The girl was obviously hugely embarrassed but continued to hold the door open as letting go of the door at that point would have meant it hitting the old lady, but the lady was screaming at her at the top of her voice and being really rude, so after about 10 seconds of looking to be frozen in panic, the girl let the heavy door swing shut, with the predictable consequence of it knocking the old lady backwards (not onto the floor, just back). Cue immediate outrage from shoppers running to help said old lady and the girl bursting into tears. AIBU to think that she was right?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 22/12/2009 11:52

I would have done the same as the girl, the old biddy would have soon realised the consequences of her actions (shouting at the girl to let the door go)Pool girl, she is the one i feel for not the abusive old biddy. I have worked with adults with dementia and really they should have a carer or companion with them. It sounds as though the old biddy knew very well what she was doing, sounds like my late great auntie who was equally and old bat

ImSoNotTelling · 22/12/2009 11:53

I love the wy these threads always start by naming the supermarket, to set the scene..

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 11:54

This was a teenaged girl, NOT an adult, a child.

The old lady was the adult.

If she has a condition whereby she can't go out without being abusive to strangers she needs to have a companion or carer.

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2009 11:55

yes, I agree. My grandma has dementia and if this had happened to her I would be upset on her behalf but wouldn't blame the girl - it was difficult for us as her family to go against her wishes when she was mid-rant.

If dementia was the case then that's an unfortunate situation that should never have been allowed to happen. But hey, that's elderly care in this country - they have to pick themselves up, decide they have dementia and ask for help . Other option is to wait until they're sectioned, if they're not killed first.

AvadventCalendar · 22/12/2009 11:55

AKMD, I do hope you came to the defence of the teenager?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 11:58

this girl would have been confused and probably terrified

people who are criticising what she did are looking at the situation with adult eyes

how many of us would have dealt with this in an assertive manner when we were 14 ??

no wonder she burst into tears

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 12:00

The op did not know the age of the child just said that she was about 14, could have been older or younger, but still a child and did as the adult told her to. Some of us are looking at it from an adult perspective and what they would have done but not through the eyes of a child

wannaBe · 22/12/2009 12:01

thing is, she would have been in the wrong whatever she did.

If she'd held the door the old witch would have continued to scream at her, if she'd said something back she would have been accused of being rude, she let the door go and it knocked the woman backwards. There was no right way around this.

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2009 12:03

that's not true, she could ahve taken the door off its hinges and stood it up against the wall

MIFLAW · 22/12/2009 12:06

She was absolutely right.

I would have let it go sooner, myself.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 22/12/2009 12:12

Most people would say something like, 'you silly person. If I let go of this door, it is so heavy it will hit you and you will fall over...'

Or say very loudly, 'could someone please hold this door for this lady as she is shouting at me...'

Poor girl. Don't think she had much of a choice doing what she did, and I probably would have done the same as a 14 year old...

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 12:13

'She was absolutely right.

I would have let it go sooner, myself.'

The second she started raging at me I'd have been out of there.

Jux · 22/12/2009 12:15

Of course I don't think the girl should have been arrested, but if the old lady had been seriously hurt the girl would have been held responsible.

She should have ignored the old lady's tantrum and continued to hold the door. That was the right thing to do.

However, as I said I do feel sorry for her, as that is a really hard thing to do, even as an adult, and as a youngster I can quite see how she would feel confused, bewildered and panicky.

There is a lesson for the old lady to learn too. Perhaps next time she'll think twice before damning someone who is merely being polite, though she probably won't.

expatinscotland · 22/12/2009 12:16

Next time, the girl won't hold any door open.

And after reading this thread, I won't, either, especially if would be held responsible if they have an accident!

pagwatch · 22/12/2009 12:18

TBH I justthink it is sad.
I honestly don't really believe thatthere are people who are just spontaneously and randomly rude and aggressive with no provocation whatsoever. Had she been charmless or sniffy I would beleiev that was just bad manners but screeching hysterical aggression for no good reason...?
So my guess would be that this lady was early stages of dementia.

I think the girl was caught in a horrible situation. I feel very sorry for her and don't blame her for not knowing how to act.
But ity is all a bit sad really

StewieGriffinsMom · 22/12/2009 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ImSoNotTelling · 22/12/2009 12:19

Jux "The old lady was horrible, but the girl was lucky that the door didn't knock the old lady over. If the old bag had suffered an injury sufficient to need medical attention there is no doubt that the girl would have been held responsible, and rightly so."

Seems to me that is what you are saying.

Jux · 22/12/2009 12:27

?????

AvrilH · 22/12/2009 13:03

agree that poor girl could not win

how did the other shoppers express their outrage, OP?

Kaloki · 22/12/2009 13:08

YANBU

It's funny how teenagers are told to respect their elders and do as they are told, then branded as a "typical" teenager when they don't.

She was told to let go of the door immediately, she continued to hold the door after this, then after more abuse she did as told. Do you remmeber being 14? You are still a child, and from the sounds of it she would have been too scared to tell the woman to step backwards so she could close the door. I don't blame her.

In perspective.

14 year old, a child, being told be an adult to do something. An adult who should have known better.

Poor girl, I hope she realises that not all people are like that and continues to be helpful and polite.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 13:12

OP, are you coming back or what, love ?

BigHairyLeggedReindeer · 22/12/2009 13:19

Horrible people grow up to be horrible old people. The girl was only doing what she was told and was probably scared and just reacting to a bad situation.

Nasty old witch deserved it.

bruffin · 22/12/2009 13:28

If she "looked 14" she may have only been 11 or 12. Agree with the others poor girl was probably really upset by the whole episode.

Mandy1966 · 22/12/2009 13:35

Hmmm Id like to kow why others did not go to help the girl as well.
I would have done and told the old lady to get herself thro the door, quite respectfully I might add, as she was holding everyone up..
Poor Kid hopes shes ok..

ginormoboobs · 22/12/2009 13:49

YANBU
She was doing as she was told.
We expect children to repect adults and do as an adult tells them. She was told to let go of the door , out of politeness she holds it open and gets a mouthfull of abuse.
Quite rightly she lets go of the door as hse was asked to and quite rightly she cries because it must be fucking horrible to be shouted at for beinmg nice!
It does not matter what is wrong with the elderly lady , the girl did as she was asked.
Auld boot!

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