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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this girl was right to let the door swing shut in the old lady's face?

190 replies

AKMD · 22/12/2009 10:25

This was in Sainsbury's. The girl, I'd guess at about 14 years old, was coming out of the loos infront of an old lady with a zimmer frame. The girl held the door open for her (as you would for anyone IMO) and the old lady started screeching at her that she could manage very well on her own and to let the door go immediately! The girl was obviously hugely embarrassed but continued to hold the door open as letting go of the door at that point would have meant it hitting the old lady, but the lady was screaming at her at the top of her voice and being really rude, so after about 10 seconds of looking to be frozen in panic, the girl let the heavy door swing shut, with the predictable consequence of it knocking the old lady backwards (not onto the floor, just back). Cue immediate outrage from shoppers running to help said old lady and the girl bursting into tears. AIBU to think that she was right?

OP posts:
teameric · 22/12/2009 21:16

YANBU soppy old bitch

malung · 22/12/2009 21:20

The old lady sounds like she may have some sort of dementia/altzheimers. The young girl, polite and kind would in no way understand that.
Having both a 14yr old daughter and a mother who recently died from above condition, I can only weep

Yuletidespamlog · 22/12/2009 21:57

At 14 I would probably have told her to go fuck herself.

If my grandmother acted like that I'd be horrified.

gorionine · 23/12/2009 09:02

I have a lot of respect for old people as they are a goldmine of experience but I do make exeptions in some cases, like the time this old couple found it illarious that Ds2 (2yo at the time) was pushed in an icy puddle of mud by a dog he was absolutellly terrified of (they were not the dog owners BTW) I cannot remember shouting this much at anyone ever!

msrisotto · 23/12/2009 09:12

I dunno, I don't think i respect old people by default. I've not often had positive experiences with them. If I hold the door open for 10 of them, one or two will smile or say thanks, most ignore and many are rude. What is this random idea we should respect all old people and fear/look down on young uns? Age hasn't earned you anything. Being a nice person does.

edam · 23/12/2009 09:26

Surely we should all respect strangers by default? As in, treat them politely and behave ourselves in public?

As for dementia, of course not all old people have these conditions but the scenario described in the OP with the normal boundaries of appropriate behaviour gone haywire does sound like something is wrong. Old lady wasn't just rude, she was very strange.

And sadly elderly care is not comprehensive - not everyone who needs a carer has one and certainly not round the clock.

Feel very sorry for the girl and for Loudlass's dd.

TaLcYtim · 23/12/2009 09:34

Blimey, that's just reminded me of the time a middle age woman verbally beat me up when i offered her my table in Poppins, Bedford circa 1987.

Apparently i thought she was overweight and needed more space. Weird.

expatinscotland · 23/12/2009 09:41

let's face it: people are living too long in the West.

if you get to the point where you're doing this in public, the game's already over.

[prepares for flames abuot how i'm talking about someone's mother/husband/etc.]

msrisotto · 23/12/2009 09:47

edam - I mean I wouldn't respect them anymore than anyone else simply because they're old.

missorinoco · 23/12/2009 09:50

Expat, I read your post to mean the girl and the old lady wouldn't have done this in the East, and had a very confused few minutes with the "in public" part, and the "prepares for flames" part.

expatinscotland · 23/12/2009 09:55

it was meant to be along the lines of Custy's, i'd kick her in the fanjo . . .

i do think living a long time, however, can be a poisoned chalice, and one that's going to become increasingly full in the next generation or so.

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2009 10:34

you're talking about my grandma
and i agree with you

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2009 10:35

not about kicking her what a stupid thing for me to post

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/12/2009 12:36

You know - it is shit being old for lots of people. But not all.

And actually, for me the point is not that we are talking about someone's grandmother. We are talking about ourselves. We are all going to get old, and my own attitude is that there are some pretty ageist attitudes around that aren't going to do us any good.

mrsrisotto - I would estimate that only about one in ten people I've ever held the door open for has ever said thankyou. That's people of ALL ages.

To me it's not OK to make generalisations about teenagers or old people, or blacks or gays etc etc

msrisotto · 23/12/2009 13:05

jamie - so why are you defending ALL old people so ardently! This woman is not me in the future (unless i am unfortunate enough to develop a mental illness causing me to lash out at strangers) because that's not the sort of person I am now. Being old does not entitle you to excuses being made for you.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/12/2009 13:36

Ok, I know I sound like I'm defending all old people, I acknowledge that. Some people (not you) just seem unable to consider the idea that this could be dementia.

Dementia is not a mental illness - it's a degenerative neurological condition - and you or I could well be unfortunate enough to suffer from it.

I suppose I'm riled because of some of the language on here - old bitch etc, is so violent. As if some of the people on here (again, not you) cant wait to have a rant about "old people".

I'm going to step away now, because I'm aware of backing myself/being backed into becoming Defender of All Old People, regardless of their behaviour.

I still maintain that the situation OP is not representative of normal older people.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/12/2009 13:37
msrisotto · 23/12/2009 13:42

Good on ya jamie, it can be frustrating being in the middle of a rant fest! I maintain that rudeness doesn't necessarily = degenerative neurological condition (the difference between this and mental illness being what? This isn't recoverable? Nit picking)

TheWorldFamousKewcumber · 23/12/2009 13:45

Isn't there a middle ground? If someone had shouted at me for holding a door open, I think I would have careful let the door close so that it was touching them but not let it swing shut.

I hope that is what I would have done at 14 too (but then my mum owned a local shop and I was well used to dealing with batty old ladies - with and without dementia)

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/12/2009 13:47

I saw this yesterday but didn't have time to post as was trying to round kids up to go out for stuff for Crimbo I have forgotten...

Anyway... what I was going to say, probably already been said, was that at 14 (which was 13 years ago for me - remember it well ) I would have opened the door for her too and if she had begun screeching would have continued to do so, going redder and redder at the massive scene it would have been causing, then as the old dear kicked it up a e gear, would probably have let the door go too. Would have been so utterly embarassed and mortified I would have done anything to stop the situation and get away, and probably cry from shock and embarassment too.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/12/2009 13:50

Yes, not recoverable - the brain is basically shrinking, causing memory, personality changes, and the loss of ability to look after yourself and finally death (if something else doesn't get you first)......

Happy Christmas !

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 23/12/2009 14:12

Shoulda smacked er one an all

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/12/2009 14:21

Hully - stop follering me araand

TisTheSeasonToBeHully · 23/12/2009 14:30

Sorry? Have we met? I am actually very busy at my nuptials, you harlot.

expatinscotland · 23/12/2009 14:40

'We are all going to get old,'

Some of us won't.

And some of us, at the diagnosis of dementia, or the inclination that we have it, are going to pay a visit to Dignitas or take matters into our own hands.

I am one of those people.

That's why I'm a strong believer in the right to die.

Having worked in a nursing home and a hospice, dementia/Alzheimer's and ALS are the two diseases that, if I ever have them, I am going to end things immediately.

What others chose to do is their business, but I believe the option of assisted suicide should be open to all.

If we're going to have the right to own bodies, then I don't feel that should exclude the right to die (or to sell one's body for sex, either, for that matter).