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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this girl was right to let the door swing shut in the old lady's face?

190 replies

AKMD · 22/12/2009 10:25

This was in Sainsbury's. The girl, I'd guess at about 14 years old, was coming out of the loos infront of an old lady with a zimmer frame. The girl held the door open for her (as you would for anyone IMO) and the old lady started screeching at her that she could manage very well on her own and to let the door go immediately! The girl was obviously hugely embarrassed but continued to hold the door open as letting go of the door at that point would have meant it hitting the old lady, but the lady was screaming at her at the top of her voice and being really rude, so after about 10 seconds of looking to be frozen in panic, the girl let the heavy door swing shut, with the predictable consequence of it knocking the old lady backwards (not onto the floor, just back). Cue immediate outrage from shoppers running to help said old lady and the girl bursting into tears. AIBU to think that she was right?

OP posts:
CardyMow · 22/12/2009 17:02

My DD (11yo) had something very similar happen a few weeks ago in tescos. Now my DD is ASD has global development delay, but also happens to be 5ft2, and looks older than her age. She was coming out of the loos, they have a double door. She held it open for an 'older' lady, and got screeched at for her troubles. She went into meltdown in the doorway of the loos (the stupid old bat couldn't get in) wet herself and basically went mental....I had to rush in and the old cow said 'why is she acting like a baby she must be 16 is she retarded?' . When you've tried to spend the last 10 years teaching an ASD child to do something,anything considerate for someone else and this happens the first time she tries to, can I really get upset if DD never tries again?? I have all sympathy for the 14yo in the OP's post, and sorry, none for the old cow who screamed at her for trying to be polite!!

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2009 17:12

Loudlass
why was she screeched at?

mrmellors · 22/12/2009 17:14

Your poor dd, loudlass. Is she OK about it now?

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 17:25

Aww Loudlass that is really your poor dd. Why cant some people realise that some elderly people are just rude and impolite nothing to do whatsoever with having dementia or mental health issues.

RnB · 22/12/2009 17:27

disgusting old lady.

Poor girl

pagwatch · 22/12/2009 17:27

Yes.
Because if you think that the woman in the OP was behaving so strangely that she may possibly have dementia then that definately means that you think old people are never ever just rude.Never.

Thats must be what people mean.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 22/12/2009 17:34

piglet - I try not to call teenagers thugs or yobs either. But then I am a PC

Jamieandhismagictorch · 22/12/2009 17:35

By Jamieandhismagictorch Tue 22-Dec-09 16:15:07

Ps - I'm NOT saying there aren't nasty rude people in the world, either - I'm just talking about the situation described in the OP (before anyone picks me up on this ).

ImSoNotTelling · 22/12/2009 17:45

Loudass

How did the old lady react having caused such a huge amount of distress? Did she apologise?

Why would anyone shout at anyone for holding a door open though? In the first place? Don't understand.

mehdismummy · 22/12/2009 17:46

the 14 year old should have whipped her zimmer frame away from her and pushed her over!!!!!!! but seriously some people are rude some people are not, i can be a serious wanker when in pain or stressed so lets just let it go man

CardyMow · 22/12/2009 17:50

Old bat said she wasn't incapable or ancient,(granted she was only about 60, but anyone more than 30 is 'old' to my DD...) and when she said DD 'must be retarded' she said it in full earshot of DD. Don't worry though, I've now explained to DD that maybe the old lady is also asd??!! to be that rude to someone....No apology, although she didn't appreciate the kick in the shins from DD flailing around in her meltdown...

RnB · 22/12/2009 17:56

loudass. That's terrible

Jamieandhismagictorch · 22/12/2009 18:09

Loudlass - that lady was rude - and ignorant to use a term like "retarded"

HappyChristmasFromKimi · 22/12/2009 18:12

Not all rude nasty people have a mental illness or such, some people are just rude, nasty, ignorant people.

DS2 held open the door of the wheelchair access toilet for someone the other day and neither the lady in the chair nor her carer said thank you, wish DS2 had let the door go on them. I did point out in ear shot of them both that some people are just plain rude.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 18:21

Well jamie if you were affected by anti social behaviour of some thoughless youths than you might. If someone is doing anti social behaviour, making peoiples lives a misery than they are imo thugs end of

ShellingPeas · 22/12/2009 18:25

Loudlass - sorry about your DD, that's sounds horrendous.

I don't get why holding a door open for anyone, regardless of age, should be greeted with a tirade. I always hold doors open for others as it's rude otherwise? Or is that not the case?

Bet the woman in the OP would have been equally as vociferous had the door not been held open for her.

I feel sorry for the girl as it's an awful thing to be shouted at by strangers no matter how old you are and I would have been upset, even at my advanced age.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 18:28

Your poor dd loudlass my dm who is in her 70's uses terms like that, when i try to correct her she thinks she is right and does not want to be corrected, my dm is another one really and she does not have dementia she has just got more grumpy and grinch like with time.

pigletmania · 22/12/2009 18:30

apparently according to my dh i am getting like her every day oh dear oh dear. I used to work with adults with LD and my dm used to use the old fashioned term mongoloid which i was about and she would not stand corrected.

everlong · 22/12/2009 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astrid28 · 22/12/2009 19:05

She's only 14! She didn't know what to do for the best bless her.

The old woman may well have broken a hip, but that wouldn't be the girls fault, she was trying to ensure she got through safely.

Of course I'm glad the old woman wasn't hurt, but it's a shame because that girl mightn't offer to help anyone out again now.

Teens can't win sometimes.

kinnies · 22/12/2009 19:21

I hold doors open for anyone walking behind me, old or not.

I dont know what I'd have done in the same situation TBH.

Poor girl I bet she'l think twice about being kind to strangers

5Foot5 · 22/12/2009 20:36

My DD is 14 and basically very polite and does as she is told. If she was in this situation I could imagine it playing in just the same way and she would be devastated so my sympathy definitely lies with the poor girl.

I really can't see why anyone of any age should get upset about having a door held for them. That is just basic good manners. I get annoyed when I hold a door for someone behind me and they just walk through without taking the door from me or saying Thanks.

GerbilMeasles · 22/12/2009 20:51

Can remember how my DD was when she was 14 - really quite shy with adults, though OK with friends her own age. Honestly, she'd have been in pieces.

And I don't think that rudeness like that can be excused by dementia - I spend a lot of time with the demented (so to speak) and although they're sometimes astonishingly bluntly-spoken, it's not usually as focussed or coherent as the OP suggests the old lady here was. Some people are just gits, some are young gits and some are old gits; it's the gittishness that defines them, not the age.

Jem27 · 22/12/2009 20:54

Poor girl.

My DD is 11 and would have done the same, she would have been very upset at the outcome.

Some elderly people are just mean, my nan is one of them.

Georgimama · 22/12/2009 21:08

I'd like to know what all the people who think this poor girl was in the wrong think she should have done instead. The only alternative was to hold onto the door, perhaps indefinitely, until the old bitch decided to come through it. Why on earth should she do that? The woman told her to let go, so she did. Can't see why that needs a "careful now, I'm going to let go" health warning.

I'm with the evil (old) witch rather than dementia camp. She's just a nasty person who happens to be old. She was probably nasty when she was young too.

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