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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mum doesnt ever baby sit

214 replies

loujo · 08/12/2009 22:17

Hi,

Is it unreasonable for me to want to go out once in awhile ? I have a 11 month yr old baby girl , but I can never go out as my mum never offers to babysit. I dont want to go out every weekend ! Just maybe once a month to go out with my friends but I carnt as my mum wont have my baby ? She has never had her to stay the night or ever really wants to look after her, She knows how hard she is and how tierd I am ..I just need a break so bad . I dont know what to do. I feel so drained and lonely , just need time out once in awhile . But how ??? !!! Anyone think of what I can do ? x

OP posts:
lowrib · 09/12/2009 00:40

"excuse me but we haven't all been rude or nasty to loujo at all"

Are we reading the same thread?!

SomeGuy · 09/12/2009 00:41

sorry, that was apropos sm's post about bingo.

cat64 · 09/12/2009 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChazsBarmyArmy · 09/12/2009 00:41

I think telling posters to FO probably does disqualify you especially as it was someone making reasonable comments.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 09/12/2009 00:42

I love bingo, me
and throwing shoes
and wearing the plastic rain covers on me feet

only got a few decades to wait before I can enjoy such delights to the full

BitOfFun · 09/12/2009 00:43

Is it written somewhere that if a person is younger, they get to speak to other people however they like? Have you seen the thread about the 15 yr old assaulting a teacher tonight and getting just an afternoon in the sinbin?

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 09/12/2009 00:43

not sure I need to reply to your query as to why I thought you were joking, lowrib, as others have done so with eloquence

lockets · 09/12/2009 00:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SomeGuy · 09/12/2009 00:48

which board is that one on BitOfFun?

lockets · 09/12/2009 00:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

confuddledDOTcom · 09/12/2009 01:02

I've been on my own with two children (11 months and 3y) for the last 8 months. Their father works a long way from home and we get him alternate weekends. In the meantime I get no help or support, my dad will sometimes pop in on his way home from work as I'm around the corner and do a manual job or pick me up from Tesco. No one babysits for me, my parents usually have my brothers children at the weekends and not able to have mine.

I haven't had a night out for a long time, only had one day out without the baby since birth (only because it was a conference I was asked to speak at).

It's hard but I decided to have children, no one else (other than their father of course!)and I shouldn't expect anyone else to take my children on.

Two weeks ago I had swine flu. I slept for two days on the sofa. My eldest covered me up with a blanket and dressing gown and played quietly on the floor [proud mummy] whilst the youngest slept or nursed in my arms. I didn't want to risk spreading it by asking for help, my OH couldn't get back to me so I got on with it.

Tonight my eldest had a call from Mum "tell Mummy to pack you PJs and clothes for nursery". It's the first time she's had her for a long time.

That's just this year. My OH regularly gets sent away on secondment, he is constantly being headhunted, and I'm left to look after the children on my own. I've had to do it through all sorts of ill health, I had a chest infection and tonsilitis once, I suffer regularly from pharyngitis. Not to mention I am on crutches for my back.

I'm appauled by the OP. She's either a troll or genuine and if she's genuine then I can see why no one would want to help her. How ungracious can you get? People have tried to help and it's been thrown back at them.

Allets · 09/12/2009 02:03

Trip Trap.

porcamiseria · 09/12/2009 08:50

you are not alone, for every person that seems to get unlimitied support from their family, there are those that get fxxx all. Plus to make it worse, my Mum will babysit my brothers and SILs kids but not mine!!!!
anyway, thats another story but this is not unusual and agree forget about family and focus efforts on getting a nice local babysitter

echt · 09/12/2009 08:52

I'm not surprised the OP is so lonely with her chronically bad attitude. Her mum is probably glad to see the back of her.

cory · 09/12/2009 09:01

lowrib, I am not sure what thread you are reading, but I am reading one in which the OP went online and claimed to be completely unsupported and never able to go out in the evenings- and then a few posts later revealed that this isn't actually the case; she's just annoyed with her mum.

Let's hope her kind and supportive MIL doesn't read her OP- she'd feel appreciated, wouldn't she?!

jennymac · 09/12/2009 09:02

I don't think it is unreasonable to be upset if your mum won't ever babysit. I think once a month is a bit too much to expect but once or twice a year is hardly asking too much of anyone. And I agree with OP - I would never leave my kids in the house with a paid babysitter that I didn't know.

Brunettelady · 09/12/2009 09:22

I haven't read everyones comments as there are far too many but YANBU!! I can't believe some of the comments I did read on here. Maybe not once a month, but you should be able to go out once in a while, and I also wouldn't like to use someone who I didnt know, ie a paid babysitter. My MIL never babysits but luckily my nan will if she can, and is even doing it on New Years Eve!! I feel very lucky with that one. But maybe you should try asking her.

I don't see how it is U for someone to want their family to play a bigger role in their childs life.

Jem27 · 09/12/2009 09:49

If this is real then I dont think you are being unreasonable. Its not her responsibility but its nice when someone offers to help every once in a while.

I am a firm believer that the extended family plays a big part in a childs upbringing, this cant always be the case for various reasons (and this wasnt possible when I grew up) but if its just because the Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles etc can't be bothered then I think its a real shame.

Isnt that what familes are all about?

cory · 09/12/2009 10:03

Brunette, if you had read the OPs later posts, you would have seen that the other nan does babysit, she just chose to ignore that in her OP so she could feel more hard done by.

UndomesticHousewife · 09/12/2009 10:09

Looking aafter you grandchildren is not an obligation nor is it an expression of love towards the grandchildren, but imo it is an expression of love towards your child (the grandchildrens mother or father) if you see your child needs a break or needs help then you give it!!!!!

Isn't that part of parenthood? You don't stop being a mother when your child becomes a parent and I really don't see why anyone would think it strange to even ask their parents to look after your dc's.

When my dc's have children I hope that I do all that I can for them because we all know that it's hard sometimes, and sometimes you need a break.
Apart from the fact that hopefully I will actually want to see my GC's, unlike my MIL.....

ninamag · 09/12/2009 10:10

My mum absolutely adored all her grandchildren but rarely babysat. Get a babysitter!

2rebecca · 09/12/2009 10:12

My mum never babysat as she lived several hours away. If I'd wanted her or my dad to babysit I would have asked them. Expecting them to mind read is silly, I presume your mum asks you to look after her cats.
I think people who refuse to have paid sitters are a bit precious, if you vet sitters, get references, get friends or kids of friends then there's no problem. I did alot of babysitting as a teenager and we had a succession of teenagers looking after our kids when small as no local family.
Saying if someone won't look after your kid for free you won't go out is being unnecessarily restrictive.
It sounds as though you have other issues with your mum if you feel she doesn't love you and your kids, although if you can't have a basic chat and ask her to babysit it sounds like a strange relationship.

UndomesticHousewife · 09/12/2009 10:42

Didn't realise when I posted that this had turned into a slanging match, but have read all the posts now (should have done that before).
Didn't see all the posts by the OP as a few had been deleted, so I assume they were quite rude.

But.... I don't think some of the posts (before it got ugly) were as supportive or merely questioning as some think, though a lot were, maybe she didn't give all the information in her OP as is usual on threads more information usually follows.

Not excusing the rudeness though.

cory · 09/12/2009 10:44

Not giving all information in OP is quite common, that's true, but this OP gave information that wasn't actually correct 'I can never go out'.

biglips · 09/12/2009 10:47

my mum didnt babysat my dd1 till she was 2. She had babysat dd2 once as i had to ask her to babysit because i was taking my dd1 out on a school trip and no babies were allowed.

She babysits whenever she is free.