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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mum doesnt ever baby sit

214 replies

loujo · 08/12/2009 22:17

Hi,

Is it unreasonable for me to want to go out once in awhile ? I have a 11 month yr old baby girl , but I can never go out as my mum never offers to babysit. I dont want to go out every weekend ! Just maybe once a month to go out with my friends but I carnt as my mum wont have my baby ? She has never had her to stay the night or ever really wants to look after her, She knows how hard she is and how tierd I am ..I just need a break so bad . I dont know what to do. I feel so drained and lonely , just need time out once in awhile . But how ??? !!! Anyone think of what I can do ? x

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 08/12/2009 23:45

lou your minority support may dwindle as you cuss like a loon.because you type like one

Goblinchild · 08/12/2009 23:45

"But my mum said to me when I was pregnant to have the baby and she would help me"

Sounded like a blunder or a bit of a slip up to me.

MrsMerryHenry · 08/12/2009 23:45

Funny, I thought DandyLioness was being quite supportive - and yes, loujo, if you haven't asked your mum but are getting annoyed about the childcare situation, then that is passive aggressive.

mrsboogiefairylights · 08/12/2009 23:45

someguy

YABVTwattish

MrsMerryHenry · 08/12/2009 23:46

x-posts scottish mummy! Careful, loujo, or you will lose your support.

caramelwaffle · 08/12/2009 23:47

Oh dear!

Goblinchild · 08/12/2009 23:48

She's gone to bed???????
No she hasn't!!!!!!
Yes, she has..........
Or has she??????

scottishmummy · 08/12/2009 23:49

she may regale us with further!!!!!! FO and granny jibes

Kaloki · 08/12/2009 23:49

Loujo > Step back, calm down and release the exclamation mark key.

Wait for your mum to return then sit down with her (calmly) and ask if she'd mind babysitting. Maybe you'll find that she thought you were doing a great job on your own and didn't want to interfere.

For now there is no point worrying yourself about it, and getting yourself worked up.

ChazsBarmyArmy · 08/12/2009 23:50

Loujo
I can't decide if you are a troll, a loon or just extremely immature.
If you behave towards your mum in the same way as you have to the posters on this thread maybe she doesn't feel inclined to help you.
Err neither do I

Goblinchild · 08/12/2009 23:51

Whilst dancing around the questions of where's the father of this baby and why isn't he sharing the care?
And if she's living at home then maybe her mother thinks she's being supportive enough?

lockets · 08/12/2009 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsMerryHenry · 08/12/2009 23:51

Chaz - quite; with that attitude perhaps loujo herself is the reason why her mother's not helping out.

displayuntiltwelfthnight · 08/12/2009 23:52

MrsMerryHenry
It's not bonkers to say that we don't choose to become grandparents - we don't! Our children do the choosing to become parents bit and that results in us becoming grandparents! Or do you plan to decide for your children when they should have children?!
I can't understand how not turning to my parents for everything means I somehow must therefore live in an isolated way without people around me to depend on! I have a great and supportive network of friends and family and do a lot for my friends as they do for me, same with my family, I just don't turn to my parents to help out with the children, that's all! They have their own life and things to do and it's not being isolated or worried about treading on people's toes that makes dh and I ask friends rather than our parents, it's because it's easier for our friends and, frankly, my parents have done a lot for us over the years having a fairly big family of children to bring up so that's why I don't expect more from them. It's not that they wouldn't help out (as I said, when I had surgery, they were wonderful)it's just that I don't see the need to ask more of them when they've already done a lot and coming to see us is more fun when we can all see them rather than asking them to visit purely so dh and I can go out for the night!

Different folks, different strokes but please don't infer that parents who don't rush around after their grown up children are in some way a disappointment or letting society down!

SomeGuy · 08/12/2009 23:52

MrsMerryHenry, I've been glugging champers cheap Aussie chardonnay mixed with cassis and triple sec, and I thought the previous posters had probably given all the possible justifications, so I really had nothing to contribute other than to concur whole-heartedly.

I suppose:

YABFU

might have been better

FWIW, we spent a week in Las Vegas last six weeks ago. This is how it went 'Hello Mum, we want to go to Vegas, can you look after the kids (2 and 7) for the week?' wait for response, Mum: 'Could you go at Easter instead?' Me: 'Actually, we're going to Indonesia at Easter' Mum: 'Oh really, ok, we'll do it'.

Note the conversation did not go Mum: 'Hello fruit of my loins, my powerful maternal bond with you, my beloved second born, has made me sense you would like to go a spend a week in Vegas, acting irresponsibily with yo DW, innit. Would you like us to look after your sprogs for the week?'

scottishmummy · 08/12/2009 23:53

she does come across arsey with !!!!!!habit and berating posters

Original poster
loujo · 08/12/2009 23:55

No I am here ! just putting the cats to bed !!!! A troll !!!!!!!! haha !!! yeah thats the 1 .

OP posts:
lockets · 08/12/2009 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 08/12/2009 23:56

I hope the cats sleep through for you.

SomeGuy · 08/12/2009 23:56

As a brand new poster posting 'My mum doesn't baby sit, even though I haven't asked her to', then yes, you do look like a troll.

Say good night to the cats for me.

Original poster
loujo · 08/12/2009 23:57

an arsey troll !!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
loujo · 08/12/2009 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyVolupta · 08/12/2009 23:59

oh my love, it really sounds like you need some support, time to yourself, we are all intitled to that....its a bumber that you dont have all the support you need....i was the same...after a night out ...witha hangover, I realised that wasnt the life for me...instead i started enjoying being at home....with my babies...watch them grow...you will realise how important they are...more inportant than our selfish needs....more inportant than a night of wasted money, on booze..with a hangover..your children are precious...x....if you need a chat xx

scottishmummy · 08/12/2009 23:59

keep on banging dem fucking exclamation marks- makes you look really restrained

MrsMerryHenry · 08/12/2009 23:59

display - perhaps I should have given a bit more detail in my post. What I meant was that the attitude of saying 'we're not entitled to expect etc etc' sounds isolationist - I certainly don't know anything about your personal situation, but have heard so many people (admittedly, mostly on Women's Hour ) talking about how wrong it is to expect stuff from our parents when we have our own kids, and very little about the fact that a grandparent's role is a new phase of their own parenting. Am I redeemed?

Someguy - no matter how well thought-out your intentions, your actions (i.e. your post) did come across really badly - ironically as bad as the OP! So maybe she deserved it, who knows - I'll let you off because of the vino, eh?

Scottishmummy - yeah, I think arsey's not a strong enough word for her - but come on, girl, pot calling kettle black!

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