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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to spend Christmas day with DH and DS in our own home?

131 replies

Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 19:56

I know I won't be the first or last to post this type of question. We have gone to MiL's house (SiL and her family go too) for the past 4 years and I'm sick of it - apart from always feeling like I can't relax, I know they will totally hog my DS and I won't get a look in. I want to spend Christmas with my own family in my own home. This is our first Christmas with DS, as a married couple and the first in our new house so AIBU to want to spend Christmas at home? I said to DH perhaps they could come over for breakfast to see DS then leave us to it, but he thinks they'll kick off if we don't go to them.

OP posts:
somewhathorrified · 30/10/2009 20:06

Tell DH to get a back bone and to tell IL's that you have other plans this year. Invite them to you on boxing day like everyone else does. This is your xmas too and you should be able to enjoy it with your family.

PoisonToadstool · 30/10/2009 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seona1973 · 30/10/2009 20:10

we have spent the last 2 christmases at home with the kids. We then go and visit my mum on boxing day and exchange presents then.

AlaskaNebraska · 30/10/2009 20:10

get them yto yours

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:11

Could have put my post better. DH isn't spineless but we're already in their bad books for getting married and not telling anyone.

OP posts:
clam · 30/10/2009 20:14

So you haven't got anything to lose then.
You need to make a stand at some point, unless you want to be going there for the next 20 years.

Maria2007loveshersleep · 30/10/2009 20:17

There have been a lot of threads like this recently. I think YABslightlyU because you have to remember that- as you want to spend Xmas with your child, so do they! Your DH is their child, they want to have the opportunity to spend holidays with him/you/their grandchild. I would invite them over to yours, if it were me. I couldn't create a rift / bad atmosphere especially not at Xmas.

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:18

Thanks everyone. Clam, I guess we've pissed them off enough already so may as well go for it. In my defence,, it has not been a good year where they've been concerned, and that was before the wedding. Lots of interference with how I raise DS, insults wrapped up as advice and subtle bullying at times. I can't stand to spend another Christmas with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:20

Maria, I said last year about them coming to us and MiL outright said no.

OP posts:
deaddei · 30/10/2009 20:23

Spend it on your own.
Don't feel guilty- do what you want to do.
God, why do inlaws especially get so het up about Xmas?

Maria2007loveshersleep · 30/10/2009 20:23

She said no? For what reason? How did she phrase it? In an angry way, or in a 'ok we prefer to do it / we love cooking' kind of way?

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:25

Not in an angry way, she said that her house is bigger which it wasn't really, it's the same. This year, our new house could easily accomodate everyone but I think she just likes being in control of it all.

OP posts:
fishie · 30/10/2009 20:27

bambino what about your parents?

i do think it is sad when people don't want to spend xmas together - if not religious then really the only point of it is to have a nice feast with family / friends.

Igglybuff · 30/10/2009 20:28

They might come to you this year to see DS? Me, my DH and DS are spending Xmas together - first time as a new family. In laws invited themselves over for a bit which is fine by me but they were clearly disappointed we weren't coming to them.

Boxing day is a good compromise I think - Xmas day is just one day!

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:28

You know, I might just say we're having Christmas on our own at home but they are welcome to come over on boxing day. I'm 35 years old FFS.

OP posts:
AlaskaNebraska · 30/10/2009 20:28

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/852566-to-suspect-that-all-the-peopel-refusing-to-see-p arents

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:30

Fishie, my parents go away for Christmas. Always have since retirement. We see them beforehand.

OP posts:
kittycatty · 30/10/2009 20:31

Do whatever you want to do. It is your christmas also, why should you not enjoy your christmas just for them to enjoy theirs

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:33

I think boxing day is a good compromise so I'm going to offer that. I feel like my life has been taken over this year by them and I just want this one Christmas with my DH and DS - it is something that I'll always treasure. Just one then I'll be anyones next year.

OP posts:
mmrred · 30/10/2009 20:35

Do it!

For the first time EVER last year we had Christmas as a family in our own home, just me, DH and the DC's. It was utter, utter bliss. No massive meal to do, no being all awkward in someone else's home, no travelling, no worrying about whether the kids were having a good time...

Now is the time to start your own Christmas traditions with your LO, these will be his childhood christmas memories. Definitely worth upsetting a few people for.

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:37

mmrred, you're right. I'm going to do it.

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 30/10/2009 20:39

Have been where you are, rotating between my parents, PILs and our home (we're talking hundreds of miles apart). We continued the rota until PILs were so unaccommodating towards DS one year that I put my foot down. We now stay at home for Christmas, anyone who wants to come to us is welcome but I refuse to have our Christmas ruined by other people's selfishness. That's what it is Bambino, you have as much right to the Christams you want as they do. But know it's hard, hope it all works out ok.

MamaGoblin · 30/10/2009 20:39

Christmas just with immediate family is fab - do it! They've had the lion's share from you for years now, so they can't object.
As mmrred said, this is about starting your own family christmas traditions, and you want to give your DS something of your own, not just of your MIL's.

We are having this christmas to ourselves, in our own home, by default. My parents will be with their other grandson in America and I've just found out that PIL will be with their other grandchild too. Of course, this means that next christmas, both lots will want to be with DS...

Original poster
Bambinoloveseggbirds · 30/10/2009 20:43

My DH is so bloody lucky actually. My parents never bother us to do anything family-ish with them and have always been happy to do their own thing and vice versa. Even now we have DS, they will see us before they go away. No fuss. Perfect.

OP posts:
2gorgeousboys · 30/10/2009 20:44

Ever since the DS's were born we have always said that people are welcome to come to us Christmas Day but we are not moving from the house. I want the boys to be in their home Christmas Day not dragged about in the car. Some years my parents have Christmas Dinner with us, some years DH's parents do. I don't want to get into a forced routine of one year his another year mine. Last year it was just me, DH and the boys. Luckily both lots of parents live near enough and they plus my grand parents always come either to see the boys open presents or for a drink and mince pie at some point on Christmas Day.

We always go to the tea time childrens service with my parents and then back to theirs for tea on Christmas Eve and we see the in laws Boxing Day as thats when we do Christmas Day again with dss.