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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH is a bit of a baps/jugs kind of bloke, and I'm 27 wks preg...

218 replies

wheredidiputmyfone · 09/10/2009 11:08

...so, AIBU to worry about how we're going to get round the whole breast feeding thing?

I wasn't able to BF my DD1, so this never arose, and my DH hasn't said anything and wouldn't cos he's a right sweetie, but how do you deal with the leaky boobs thing when you're playing a good game of hide the sausage?

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/10/2009 22:24

mummee09v
I promise you that the vast majority of men still fancy their partners after seeing them give birth. If yours doesn't then there is something quite wrong with him.

scottishmummy · 09/10/2009 22:29

my partner saw me hauled crying into theatre for crash cs.it strengthened us that adversity.

skybright · 09/10/2009 22:43

My OH did not cope that well with my ever "blooming" body is pregnancy,I'm sure he would like to wipe out that he saw me poo in the birthing pool.

Breastfeeding though...no problem ,no yuck factor at all.

He claims that he thinks i am gorgeous however i look but i am aware that pregnancy and birth scared him a bit.

I can understand the "desirable factor" and the fear that some women have that pregnancy and motherhood may take away some of their sexiness but if you are with a man that causes you to feel it is always at the forefront of your mind how the hell are they going to cope when you have wrinkles and your pubes are grey.

AnnVan · 09/10/2009 22:49

My DP watched at 'the business end' when DP was born. And that included tearing and all. And some bad bleeding afterwards. He also specifically moseyed over to have a look at the placenta (I never even saw it) he still think I'm as sexy as ever. he would also have been very disappointed if I hadn't at least tried to bf DS. THe whole birth thing was fascinating for him, and didn't decrease his love for me one iota. The presence of a non-sleeping baby is what's affecting our sex life atm. I'll admit I do feel bad about my body since DS, but it's more to do with the loss of the taut belly I used to have.
mummee sorry but to me you sound entirely shallow and obsessed with looks and your size 8 figure. Sorry but it will go, so what then? It sounds to me like you need some help. Honestly, I'm not being nasty when I say that.

scottishmummy · 09/10/2009 22:55

attractiveness and self worth are internal qualities not dress size

pregnantpeppa · 09/10/2009 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
wheredidiputmyfone · 09/10/2009 23:00

skybright - please don't mention the onset of grey pubes you've just overstepped the mark there ()

OP posts:
TrickOrNinks · 09/10/2009 23:01

My DH is horrified at the suggestion that he might think less of me and my norks with regard to BF.

And he asked me to link this

He was just talking about the birth of DS and the sense of absolute rightness when he arrived and continued that closeness, all cuddled and protected against me.

OP please don't worry, men do get used to seeing boobs as wonderful baby-growing things and er - wonderful penis-growing things

missjackson · 09/10/2009 23:14

OP, I wouldn't worry too much. In all likelihood, by the time you feel up to bedroom fun, your boobs will have settled down and you won't get fountains of milk... you may get 'let down' though, but it won't be unstoppable - you can use breast-pads in a bra if you don't like the idea of a few drips, as others have advised. My boobs quickly seemed to learn which mode was required!

to think I pay tax so women like mummeee can have elective c-sections.

tw1nkley · 09/10/2009 23:21

op, I have 4 kids and b/fed all of them. my sex life has in all honesty got much better since I had children. My dp would be horrified at the post by mummeee or however you spell her name. After everything we have been through together though 4 pregnancies, 4 births insane hormones ( at times) and lots of breastfeeding I really know how much he loves me. My figure may not be as taut and slim as it was, but i'm actually more comfortable with what I have now than I ever was before I had kids. As for leaky boobs, in spite of lots of hanky panky its not that frequent a problem.
And adds to the giggling when it does.

Quit worrying, honestly it'll be fine.

Some men like it anyway.

After all its not very many women who really can turn into food at 3am. Not quite pizza but....

tw1nkley · 09/10/2009 23:58

Sorry op, I seem to have killed your thread ;)

TrickOrNinks · 10/10/2009 00:09

tw1nkley - surely not?

tw1nkley · 10/10/2009 00:14
Wink
TrickOrNinks · 10/10/2009 00:17

I don't know why it died tbh.

I could give more anecdotes but they'll have all been posted before.

GoldenSnitch · 10/10/2009 07:57

Well I disappeared cause I got told I was minging! Not nice when I'm pregnant and about to do it all again

diddl · 10/10/2009 09:14

Back to OP.

I guess you just have to deal with it as/when/if it happens.

Have a bra & pads on at first or keep a towel handy nearby!

There´s not a lot puts men off once they´ve got into their stride, is there?

arolf · 10/10/2009 09:45

My DP is very keen on boobs (lucky, considering the state of my arse/legs...)

I gave birth to our first child 2 weeks ago after a 65 hour labour, and eventual forceps delivery, with significant tearing, episiotomy, and PPH. I'm breastfeeding my DS, and my DP couldn't be happier - he was there for the birth, both of us a little shellshocked, but he says he finds me even sexier now, and he's counting the days until I'm up for 'sausage-hiding' again. He particularly finds the breastfeeding attractive - not sexual, but very womanly, and he watches us sometimes when I'm feeding DS. He has said he actually finds bottle feeding quite tragic (although is aware that it is sometimes necessary), and feels sorry for the mothers and babies when they can't/don't breastfeed.

And he loves the occasional leakiness from the unused boob when I'm feeding DS, keeps asking if he can have a go plus which, he is delighted at the size increase of my spacehoppers

Northernlurker · 10/10/2009 09:52

Golden - you're not minging, you're lovely and have a very healthy, normal attitude to life as a family - with all that brings. Don't let mummmme-whatever-she's called bring you down at all. You and dh are fine

Original poster
wheredidiputmyfone · 10/10/2009 10:41

tw1nkley - what's this about you trying to kill my thread?? how very dare you

I was thinking last night about why I might not want to talk to him about it diddl, and it could be because I don't want to put it in his head that it's anything he should be thinking about.

I was really getting the low down on what to expect, and the tricks of the trade on how to deal with it all. Luckily we have a laugh and see the funny side of stuff lol

It would be awful though if you were with someone who got embarassed/turned off by it, there wouldn't be much you could do about it. It's all very well saying they should grow up and get over it, but perhaps some blokes do like things 'just so'?

OP posts:
GoldenSnitch · 10/10/2009 12:33

Thank you Northern

JaMmRocks · 10/10/2009 13:09

'He was just talking about the birth of DS and the sense of absolute rightness when he arrived and continued that closeness, all cuddled and protected against me.'

TrickorNinks - that made me well up! Am rather hormonal with DS2 being 4 weeks today...

diddl · 10/10/2009 13:16

I can understand you not wanting to mention it.

He´s maybe not thought about it.

TBH, although I did a lot of reading about pregnancy/birth whilst I was pregnant, I don´t remember reading about this at all.

I think as I said,it might be as well left and deal with it as and when if necessary, now that you have some suggestions of what you could do.

As a rule we don´t lock our door, but occasionally have on a Saturday morning

My husband doesn´t get distracted by child knocking on the door!!!

"What are you doing-can I come in!"

GoldenSnitch · 10/10/2009 15:25

DH has spent a lot of today telling me I'm gorgeous

I know he's a bit disappointed with the amount of sausage hiding he's getting at the moment cause he fancies me rotten.

But I've been too tired - I'm 29 weeks pregnant

blueshoes · 10/10/2009 15:57

mummee, if men did not fancy their partners after having seen them give birth vaginally, there would be a lot more only children.

What happens when you grow old. Can your husband trade you in because he no longer finds you sexy and attractive?

Annya · 10/10/2009 17:10

What's wrong with the cow comment? I mean its inaccurate but surely not offensive. We ARE all animals, after all. And there's nothing wrong with that.