My DH is a bit of a baps/jugs kind of bloke, and I'm 27 wks preg...

[wheredidiputmyfone]

...so, AIBU to worry about how we're going to get round the whole breast feeding thing?

I wasn't able to BF my DD1, so this never arose, and my DH hasn't said anything and wouldn't cos he's a right sweetie, but how do you deal with the leaky boobs thing when you're playing a good game of hide the sausage?

[Morloth]

I once had a friend's breastmilk. Was an accident, I was babysitting for her and warming up a bottle of EBM, managed to spill it on my arm and before thinking licked my wrist.

Tasted pretty much like mine. Didn't freak me out at all TBH. I wouldn't have done it on purpose but no harm.

[sweetnitanitro]

DH tried some of mine that I'd expressed and he said it was disgusting! I was quite upset by that I pride myself on making tasty food, don't see why my breastmilk should be any different.

[corriefan]

My DH and his mate both tried my EBM. They said it tasted sweet.

I've breastfed for 3.5 years altogether and am not surprised by mummeee's comments. There are a lot of people who feel like that and she is being honest about how it makes her feel. I'd say breastfeeders are the big majority on here, or maybe the most vocal about it.
I feel sorry for her tbh and don't think coming down on her like a ton of bricks helps, nor does bringing in her grammar in an intellectual snobbery way. Imagine being squeamish about bfdg? Poor woman. I'm so glad I never had this.

[ThisPhantomPlopsPumpkins]

I agree with corrie - Mummee's comments aren't surprising (although some were just bloody insulting). The Western world has sexualised breasts, it's now more acceptable for a man to suck a breast than it is a baby. It is very, very sad. This website is full of educated Women who are mostly aware of the effects of not breastfeeding, it's just not the same in RL unfortunately.

Mummee I hope you and your DH can get some help for this problem you have surrounding child birth.

[TheOldestCat]

Mummee - people are not criticising you because you had C-sections and chose not to breastfeed. They are - quite rightly - taking issue with you because you are belittling other women (those 'Friesian cows' with 'damaged fanjos' and babies dangling off them) who have chosen to BF.

It's really very simple!

[TheMitsubishiWarrioress]

mummee09v...I retorted to one of your comments, and may be a part of the group that is making you defensive.

I don't often get my hackles up, and it wasn't your opinions particularly that riled me, although I don't share them, but the manner in which they were expressed generally.

I don't find the thought of getting so drunk that I would vomit in the street or on myself, or indiscriminately anywhere convenient, very appealing or dignified. But I wouldn't dream of phrasing that opinion in such a way that insulted people that do. We all make our own choices, and I personally very rarely judge other peoples choices.

That you don't wish to pass your fears on is admirable and with the right support you can get help with it. Your DH, I don't know. If your choices re childbirth are purely your own and you did not feel pressured in any way by him to do things the way you did then fine. It is unusual for H's not to find a deep love and incredible tenderness at the sight of their partner breast feeding. I am sure you yourself said earlier on that you didn't want to spoil his 'toys' and I did find that sad.

Maybe your 'issues' have made you defensive and that is why you expressed your opinions in such a way, and I know you feel having said 'sorry' that it should be dropped, but when peoples backs are up, they do tend to retaliate because 'sorry' sometimes doesn't cover the offence caused.

As to your body image issues , each to their own. I like to keep pretty much in shape (now I have found it again), but for me it is not an obsessive thing. I have worked with the elderly and like you said, they all go southwards in the end due to age and gravity.

[InMyLittleHead]

Surely it's not that unusual for a man to be slightly put off sexually after witnessing his partner giving birth? I'm sure I have seen it in a few threads on MN, and also heard men say that now they think of their partner as more of a 'mum' and not so much as a sexual partner. (I think there was an article in the Times called 'Where did my sex kitten go' - the guy who wrote it was, not surprisingly, a bit of an arse).

I'm not saying it's right, and I don't think it does women any favours to be regarded as sexual beings and nothing else, but I don't think it's a hugely unusual attitude in new fathers. I am happy for all those posters whose DHs/DPs have been so lovely and understanding but am not so sure about the 'If he doesn't relish every aspect of you being a new mother he's a nasty horrible freak and has no feelings for you' thing.

Btw, OP, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about - bfing makes boobs bigger, no? Result, as far as most men are concerned.

[GoldenSnitch]

I think I've been quite nice considering you called me 'minging' in capital letters earlier on in the thread Mumeee!

I'm also 29 weeks pregnant and your comments added to my hormonal state have made me worry - DH has seen me in labour, I am covered in stretch marks and pregnancy did make my boobs a little less pert as well as a little bigger than I was and my body will never be the same...

Luckily, the sane part of me knows he loves, adores and fancies me still and that he is massively proud of me for feeding our beautiful son just as he will be when I feed our daughter once she arrives.

I'm sorry you have issues and I hope you find help for them so you can protect your daughters from having the same self esteem issues. It must be a very scary way to live.

[Monsterspam]

"not wanting to do unattractive things in front of my DF!!?"

This is why people are "against" you. You surely must understand that to most women on Mumsnet, breastfeeding is one of the most wonderful and personal things you can do for your child. I, for one, can't get my head around anyone that thinks it is unattractive.

BTW - DF means Dear/darling Father, DP - Partner

[mummee09v]

"Surely it's not that unusual for a man to be slightly put off sexually after witnessing his partner giving birth? I'm sure I have seen it in a few threads on MN, and also heard men say that now they think of their partner as more of a 'mum' and not so much as a sexual partner. (I think there was an article in the Times called 'Where did my sex kitten go' - the guy who wrote it was, not surprisingly, a bit of an arse)....I'm not saying it's right, and I don't think it does women any favours to be regarded as sexual beings and nothing else, but I don't think it's a hugely unusual attitude in new fathers. "

thank you "inmylittlehead" the way you wrote that is maybe how i should have put things if i was a bit more eloquent!!

just googled that times article too! he did sound a real arsehole, started seeing someone else when he had gone off his wife after their kid was born, then his new woman had his kid too and the same thing happened what a total knob.

i don't think all men are like that times guy but i DO think some of them whether they admit it or not would be a bit weird about it. in fact i was reading this months Cosmopolitan yesterday and in it, vernon kaye says when tess gave birth he didnt want to be at the "action end" because he has had "mates that have been there who have never had sex again!"

anyway from all the responses i think i can gather that the ladies on here have been really really fortunate in that their DH's not only still fancy them but also admire them for bf'ing and seeing them give birth etc, so i honestly think that is really great that you all have such lovely partners.

and i would like to add that my DF never told me NOT to breastfeed, he would have been happy for me to do so. and he certainly did not tell me not to have a vaginal birth, that was entirely my choice! so he is NOT the horrible shallow person he seems to have been assumed to be. anyway i looked pretty rough after my c/section attached to a drip and a catheter let me tell you!!

well i will apologise again because i can see my comments were out of order. and i particularly want to apologise to "goldensnitch" because it sounds like i particularly upset you and it was never my intention.xxx

ps-DF = dear fiancee! didnt realise it meant "dear father" silly me! is there an acronym for fiancee??

[GoldenSnitch]

Thankyou Mummee - I appreciate that.

[diddl]

Thinking back, although I was terrified of giving birth, the thought of ac-section terrified me more & I couldn´t have chosen one.

I think most men don´t venture near the "business end" do they?

I gave birth on all fours on the floor.

The midwives were also on the floor & struggling to see anything!

I don´t think my husband could have fitted as well!

[InMyLittleHead]

[smug] at being called 'eloquent'

[wheredidiputmyfone]

Thanks so much to everyone who replied and for all the good ideas, I think I might wait to see if they're working this time with regards to talking to DH etc, it might be that I'll have nothing to worry about in the end, but I'll be forearmed if it does come up.

I had no idea BF was so contentious, so I think I got away lightly

[marenmj]

"Thinking back, although I was terrified of giving birth, the thought of ac-section terrified me more & I couldn´t have chosen one."

Heh heh... me too!

Somewhere about halfway through my pregnancy I got the idea in my head that they would start some sort of timer and then section me if the baby didn't come fast enough. I was ready to go into hospital with a note pinned to my shirt saying 'NO CAESAREAN' so even if I was blind and deaf with pain they would know not to cut me.

Good thing that's not quite how it works. I spent three weeks pre-birth at 2cm and damn near 20 hours to get to 4cm!

[diddl]

oh marenmj, that sounds terrible.

When I had my first pain with my second I was 8cms!

[Winibaghoul]

diddl I'm the same. I was scared of giving birth but terrified of having a section. THere's no way I could have chosen to have one. Oh and my DP went and had a look at the 'business end# He's a very logical and analytical person, and couldn't resist. So he was watching as DS came out, tried to go back in again (oooowwww) and then came out for good.

[marenmj]

diddl, I wouldn't say too terrible. At about 4cm when the midwives were getting shouty at DH to "make her stop pushing!!" (wasn't pushing, honest, had found a very good pain-coping method, that apparently pushed ) and I had been having MUSTSITDOWN contractions for 24 hours...

I went for the epi

Matters naught to me. Childbirth (god-willing) has one inevitable end - me + baby. How I got there was minor

DH wanted to the see the business end, but I had so put the fear of god in him re filming it that he hadn't even brought a camera and didn't dare peek!

Still planning on ordering the next one online... (DD is 10 months). Also v nervous about twins as mum is a twin and I've got all the other risk factors (minus fertility treatments) so my chances of twins increases with each pregnancy.