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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DH is a bit of a baps/jugs kind of bloke, and I'm 27 wks preg...

218 replies

wheredidiputmyfone · 09/10/2009 11:08

...so, AIBU to worry about how we're going to get round the whole breast feeding thing?

I wasn't able to BF my DD1, so this never arose, and my DH hasn't said anything and wouldn't cos he's a right sweetie, but how do you deal with the leaky boobs thing when you're playing a good game of hide the sausage?

OP posts:
tiktok · 09/10/2009 17:54

Lovin' the spider post

OP - talk about it with him, why doncha? I'm at a loss about this. I mean, think about how this baby was conceived, FGS....you have a certain level of intimacy with him, surely, and this allows you to broach the topic of feeding. I mean, have you never even talked about how the baby will be fed??

I am sounding more surprised than I feel. I am well aware that some women never 'get round' to talking about it until the subject is raised by an outsider. I still think it's a bit of a shame there is this Big Deal.

marenmj · 09/10/2009 17:56

wheredidiputmyfone, DH assures me that breastmilk tastes like me but "sweeter"

I'll admit to not having been brave enough to actually try it myself, but then, I make DH taste everything first!

I also never "squirted" and it takes some effort to get the milk to let down enough to get some pressure behind it.

IME the "leaks" you hear about are a couple drops here and there, not from the sex part but from the -ahem- motion

Trust me, semen is a much more significant bodily fluid to deal with.

(just imagine if men only started producing spunk after becoming fathers! think of the ramifications!)

diddl · 09/10/2009 18:02

I think you need to talk.

He´s your husband, you have a child together, you´re pregnant again.

You should be able to talk about anything.

Also, if he´s seen you give birth, I doubt a few drops of breast milk would put him off/stop him in his tracks.

Original poster
wheredidiputmyfone · 09/10/2009 18:13

diddl - it's not that I can't talk to him about it, or that I think he might be put off by it, as I said before I'm pretty secure in how we are/my body etc.

It's perhaps more how to deal with the mechanics of it all, not having experienced it before, and reading about 'fountains' and getting him from across the room I was right to wonder although I understand not everyone has the same.

OP posts:
Morloth · 09/10/2009 18:18

Just make sure you sleep on a towel. Breastmilk is fun for babies and also fun for sex but it is no fun at all to sleep in.

diddl · 09/10/2009 18:21

Well, I think I´m not the only one who never leaked during sex.

Could be that sex often came after breastfeeding as that´s when baby was settled for long enough!

Also, IME, men suck in a different way.

Not latching on & not so hard!

purpleduck · 09/10/2009 18:25

I bf for nearly four years on the trot (seriously!), ans my boobs are fantastic

BUT to answer the op - mine didn't leak during bedtime olympics.

HTH

sweetnitanitro · 09/10/2009 18:52

Mine have never leaked during sex but I have been a bit -paranoid- self-conscious about it. You could always try positions where he can't see your boobs so if they do leak he won't notice. I haven't found BF has affected our sex life really, we're both too knackered from looking after a baby

I wouldn't worry too much about your DH finding it weird or anything, my DH is massively proud of me for feeding DD and is always telling me so. I'm sure you'll find your DH just as supportive. Good luck!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/10/2009 19:19

mummee
you did lactate. Your breasts got engorged with milk. Continuing to produce milk or not is irrelevant to any potential 'damage' to the breast, as it happens when you start to produce milk.

scroobiuspirate · 09/10/2009 19:21

i think mumeeeeeeov, has inherited issues from her mother's way of thinking. Her dp may also be feeding off (oops!) her own hangups (oops again).

AngelaCarleen · 09/10/2009 19:32

Good point mamanmj, if we have to put up with them and their semen, they can surely put up with a few drops of breast milk .

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with our first, but I'm planning to breastfeed if I can and I don't think DH will have a problem with it. Talk to your DH OP, he might surprise you .

hanaboo · 09/10/2009 19:50

i think ppl have been a bit harsh with mummeeeo9, i know quite a few women who find breastfeeding icky, and i know a few who didn't want their husbands to see their stomache post pregnancy.. there's nothing wrong with trying to stay sexy. (and there's nothing wrong with your husband accepting the way u look either... different strokes 4 different folks)the cow comment was actually quite funny, i think ppl take things a little seriously lol it definitely wasn't the single most offensive thing i have ever heard anyway...

TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 09/10/2009 19:53

''baby hanging off my nipple like i am some kind of frieisan cow!!''

Actually this was one of the things I like about BFing. You can get so much more done with a new born dangling from your nipple. The washing up, hoovering, ironing, it is all such a hassle if you have to hold a bottle... Just latch the little nipper on and hey-ho you can have your legs waxed.

Oh and mine were in the Guinness book of records for having pulled a tractor out of the local river with their gums they were so strong. And as for stretched saggy breasts, (children do get a bit heavy by the time they are one) well, I tie mine in knots so I don't forget things.

To the OP. I would agree with the others who would say talk, maybe even after a nice game of 'hide the sausage', sort of 'babes, how are you going to feel if I BF LO, will it bother you?'.....sort of thing

Original poster
wheredidiputmyfone · 09/10/2009 20:34

Mitsubishi - 'babes, how are you going to feel if I BF LO, will it bother you?'

If I can BF I will, and DH wouldn't want it any other way, and as for doing the housework, he can make himself bloody useful...HA!...yeah right

OP posts:
Chulita · 09/10/2009 21:09

If you think squirtage will be a problem, try these - they might do them in pink as well for the 'rose-tinted' benefits

JustAnotherManicMummy · 09/10/2009 21:17

LMAO at tractor and Guinness Book of Records.

I too am featured indirectly. DS is in it for leaping like a salmon off the bed and onto the boob. At his peak he reached 3 metres. We were very proud.

mummee09v · 09/10/2009 21:20

THANK YOU HANABOO !!

finally someone ADMITS to seeing my point slightly...!

i have apologised for offending people but I am NOT apologising for finding BF icky. its MY opinion - END. OF.

and yeah i am gonna admit that i would also absolutely NOT want my DP to see me give birth "normally", he saw me have a caesarean but of course there is a screen up and its all very clean and clinical. and he was VERY proud of me even though i did not go thru labour and push our DD out - i went through a serious medical procedure to bring DD into the world. seeing a partner in pain, looking absolutely awful, sweating and screaming her way thru labour then seeing a baby come out of her (massively expanded) sexual bits must be VERY weird for a man, i do not see how a man could view his lady in the a sexual way after seeing that.

and whats wrong with wanting to stay sexy for your partner! NOTHING!! i am proud of my size 8 figure, i work hard at it so i didnt want him to see me as anything other than my usual self so i chose to wait till i had got back to normal before he saw me. i was also proud of how i looked during pregnancy, i was careful not to gain much weight apart from my bump so i had no qualms about him seeing me pregnant, just didnt want him to see the horrible bit shortly after!!

Heated · 09/10/2009 21:23

Mumeeeeeeee spoke about her fears about HER breasts looking saggy etc if she bf. She's said she has issues. She might learn something through this thread. She certainly DOES NOT deserve being told to F off and be called abusive names.

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/10/2009 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JustAnotherManicMummy · 09/10/2009 21:25

FFS mummee just when I thought it couldn't get any worse somehow you manage it.

First the boobs, then the fanjo. And you wonder why women don't seem to take to you?

Now I know you are trolling. And I will not talk to you any more.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 09/10/2009 21:29

DH likes my breasts when I am breastfeeding a little too much (obviously during the period I am breastfeeding not during the moments I am actually physically breastfeeding!).

I was just thinking earlier actually that although I am miserable about the way the rest of me looks right now, by breasts looking bloody fantastic lol

Its one reason I am reluctant to wean DD (she is 13 months) as I am worried they will go back to their former size (sorted it last time by getting pregnant straight away )

I leaked a lot to start with but strangely never during sex which typically my DH was quite disappointed by. Perhaps I just have a slightly strange DH...He was just impressed by the fact my small C cup becomes an E cup when I breastfeed. Everyone's happy really!

Morloth · 09/10/2009 21:32

I think my DH was rather impressed with my giving birth actually.

peppapig mine never went back to their smaller size, they are still magnificent 5 years later.

Original poster
wheredidiputmyfone · 09/10/2009 21:35

Just out of interest, and don't answer if you don't want to, but how old are you and your DP mummee?

OP posts:
BobbingForPeachys · 09/10/2009 21:36

There used to be a joke website called 'women with big jugs' which was photographs of women with large water carrying vessels- but I tried to find it and now deeply, deeply regret it

mummee09v · 09/10/2009 21:37

"And I will not talk to you any more."

justanothermanicmum - AS IF i give a shit if u talk to me or not!!!! grow up!!! its ONLY THE INTERNET and its ONLY MY OPINION!!!!!

ffs.